ILoveBagram

ILB

REASONS I LOVE BAGRAM:
6. Pimping my friends out to mail me alcohol
7. No hats, sunglasses, guns on the chow tables
8. Cooking rice on desk lamp
10. Finding Haji beard hair in my scrambled egg formula
11. Asking for extra bacon at the chow hall
12. The reliable Internet connections
13. The constant threat of instant death
14. Loud F15s.. both of them
21. Having someone time how long your shower has been running
22. Wearing a reflective belt so a jingo truck doesn't hit you going 5mph.. or 8kph
24. The smell of feces wherever you go
26. Ramadan celebrations
28. The amazing music you hear when dropping off your laundry
29. The mujahadeen veteran who serves me ice cream
32. Gravel
33. The airtight B-huts
34. The contractor uniform - Khaki cargo pants, North Face Parka liners, hiking boots, wraparound shades, and dingy beige baseball cap (Black watch caps optional).
41. The bird tree
42. Saluting in a war zone.
44. Giant puddles
46. Stealing the signs that say "MINES"
49. The regions unique and convenient -30min timezone
50. The fireworks displays
53. Smells better than KAF
55. The well stocked PX
56. $200 daily limit on the ATM machines that are never up.
58. Making loud noises next to and throwing rocks at the bird tree.
59. The traffic...who would of thought there would be traffic in a war zone
60. The REMFs wearing their patol caps as if they were baseball caps
62. The never ending upper respitory infection.
63. Having one working toilet for an entire floor of an RLB.
65. The contractors with their beards who think they are part of the Special Ops community.
66. Waking up early in the morning to take a shower and finding shit on the shower stall floor.
74. Snow in the mountains when it's 100 degrees on camp.
86. Finding footprints on the toilet seats in the porta-potties.
88. For all of the Hajji guys that clean the tables, floors and surfaces Their hovering diligence and constantly mopping (right in front of me), makes getting food all that more enjoyable I getting a few and taking them home, to maintain this experience I wonder how much Fluor will charge me?
91. Finance guys putting in for CABs when a rocket lands 200 meters from their office while they are watching movies WTF?
94. PX all hours of the day other than the first two hours it's open to Active Duty only It makes planning my day that much easier.
104. Salsa Nights at the Green Bean
115. The 1SG that will get a bronze star when he goes home for having the highest score on bubbles.
125. That homey "slum" feeling that comes from the old, run-down wooden buildings packed tightly together, combined with all the traffic congestion.
131. Strict, strict adherence to and enforcement of the reflective belt policy You need to be easily seen in the dark in combat!
135. The brilliant idea to use fist sized rocks as walking paths to test ankle agility and the motion sensing lights that turn off in the dark while you are stumbling over said walking areas.
137. The only people you see holding hands are the afghan males.
140. The myth that the USO has WiFi.
143. Watching the LNs carry water bottles to the porta-jonhs and knowing that they are about ot take a shit.
152. Soviet-era RLBs.
153. Telling "Princess" even though she's a legit desert 10.5, she'll revert back to a real-world 4 at the very next airport.
158. Waking up in the middle of the night because the guy sleeping above you is pissing in a bottle.
167. Using a shower with obvious signs of a previous electrical fire.
170. Poop in the urinals and 600 man transient tents.
177. Having the customs people search the gorilla box I'm shipping home like I was some lawless, drug smuggling mule It's just my motherf-ing clothes, man!
178. Shower water from molten to polar ice cap in less than one microsecond, and the shower conversation guy who wants to make small talk while your dangle is out.
182. Rip-its This is better than gold Not only can you drink it, you can use it as jailhouse currency and trade it for shit Except your freedom Give up that thought.
201. Malaria pills that burn holes in your throat.
206. Recording a PT test in a place that is so polluted you can be out in it for more than 5 minutes without coughing.
208. T walls I'm putting them around my house when I get back.
211. Wearing sandals to the shower only to have soapy jizz water squish up between your toes anyway Hip waders might work better.
222. The new Bagram bottled water "Best Quality Mountain Water"
224. Ground Hog Day...need I say more?
227. Mermites..enough said.
236. Yes, I am a female Yes I look good Yes I have red hair Yes the friggin curtains match the drapes, and no you can't see for yourself you stupid mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, trailer-trash, swamp-ass, flea infested idiot.
237. Diesel Generator exhaust stench in every "fresh breath".
243. Angry red heads See number 236.
244. Hey 236, you'll be a four again soon Enjoy your moment of glory.
247. The PAX terminal It is the Mos Eisley of Afghanistan.
253. Looking at every fat readheaded female and wonering if its 236
280. The "Big Voice"
295. Attention on the FOB, attention on the FOB, there will be a controlled detonation if five min-BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!! utes.
318. Because the stalls of the bathroom have signs to not put your feet on the toilet seats.
320. The repeal of DADT, man love Thursdays taken to a whole new level.
326. Enjoying my morning "COK" (OJ)
335. That crazy ass, 12-passenger golf cart thing with the last row facing to the rear It's the ultimate Disney battle wagon.
338. How the explosions let you know when the alarms are coming...
349. Because pedestrians think they have the right of way when a 14-Ton MRAP is doing 20 down Disney.
359. Seeing ads for russian mail order brides on this site when we all know they're well stocked at the salon here on base.
360. Getting your vehicle impounded for not wearing a seat belt in a war zone driving at 15 MPH.
365. Finding mouse turds in the silverware packets.
386. For teaching me that there is a difference between black and gray water.
418. The "for hand washing only" signs above the sinks in the DFAC.
420. The amazing ability of the soil here to instantly become that mud you will track into your bhut after a light rain shower And then magically, minutes later, turn back into choking dust for your next Disney North DFAC trek.
423. The irony of getting you laundry back smelling the same as it did when you turned it in, but atleast it folded now.
424. So you say the Russians abandoned this base I wonder why?
432. The taste of dust in everything I eat, there is a sandstorm in my colon.
450. Being able to step outside anywhere, open your mouth, and get an instant teeth cleaning from the blowing sand/dust and dirt!
481. Seeing a PFC blow a months pay on a Carpet.
518. People get so excited when they're ready to go home, they say good-bye and then....you see them the next day.....and the next day....and the next.....
524. My co-worker who insists I yell 'Fatality' when I kill mice that infiltrate our tent.
537. worship the bunkers outside my bhut 5 times a day,
544. Realizing that I have more of a chance of getting shot in Detroit then I do here.
546. Taking a nice hot shower and wondering, just how clean can I get with "Disinfected Grey Water".
553. I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER HOW AWESOME THE FLIGHT LINE IS!!!
554. The look on field grade officers faces when you great them with a crisp salute and the daily greeting of "Sniper check!"
556. Wondering what the hell the one Coast Guard guy did to get stuck here instead of Antartica.
558. No that wasnt a rocket or controlled det, a goat stepped on a land mine again.
577. The conga line across Disney to Koele DFAC that brings traffic to a stand still every meal time.
582. Watching a E7 chow hall "police" give a stern talking to and take down the names of to civilians for wearing a hat in the chow hall!
591. How backpacks and bags aren't allowed in most buildings, but the local carrying the giant duct taped bag full of who the hell knows is just fine anywhere he goes.
643. That my mom liked ilovebagram on Facebook.
662. bumping into an Air Force guy...mistakenly hitting his rifle...then realizing it is not his rifle, but a yoga mat rolled up and slung across his back.
689. The over abundance of dead birds, remember how a dead canary in a coal mine means get out NOW!?
700. How the cutlery sets at the chow hall have the piece of paper in them to give you the impression you are getting a napkin when you actually aren't.
711. Having a room inspection just so you can watch your NCO's dig through your trash, and by trash I mean piss bottles and nut rags!
715. Sitting at the North Defac and watching everyone react to bananas being put out as if it were BLACK FRIDAY.
728. Telling those replacements about this site, and watching their faces change, it's better than a "two girls one cup" first time view.
740. Watching the ANA DFAC cooks taking a bath in the cooking kettles...1 hour before they start cooking rice in them.
745. having a john deere (gator) parade in a war zone.
750. Watching airmen use the muzzle of their gun to kill ants.
763. By telling us to follow GO#1, but selling condoms in the BX.
768. The cat fat that comes with Aziz's kabobs.
769. Brushing my teeth with "disinfected non-potable" water.
797. Because there is actually a FRAGO stating that saying "Sniper check" is not authorized when saluting an officer.
802. Reading a medical report at the TMC and learning that man love Thursday ISN'T a myth.
804. Watching the green cheese tortallini make it's rounds between the main line, the hot bar and the cold bar as though Fluor believes that we just can't get enough of the stuff.
805. Because I'm always naked and in the shower when we get mortared.
831. Because dropping a solid duece is cause for enjoyment and may very well be the highlight of my week.
844. Because no one understands the difference between a GS dod civillian and a contractor so I have to argue to eat lunch before 1230.
851. After thirty minutes of apparently giving birth in a port-a-john, I now realize why it is dubbed the "dragon" dfac.
895. Love watching the LNs wash their hands to wash their feet, but not wash their hands again before returning to cook your food.
910. Saving up enough AAFES pogs to buy a car.
933. Because you come home trying to barter with the cashier at Target for the best deal.
949. Because the guys on Bagram think the truth meaning off recycling, is pissing in a plastic water bottle.
950. Because I get to hear smokers complain about the air quality.
956. Honestly, I'm probably safer here than back in DC.
958. Because the signs in the ladies room that read "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be a sweetie and wipe the seatie" should really read "Wipe the goddamn toilet seat you filthy wench".
979. I love BAF because 22 years ago, there was a Russian soldier saying the same shit we are today.
989. Because Under Armour is the Gucci of Afghanistan.
992. IDF impact, shelter in place, don IBA translation=slip on my shower shoes and go smoke.
996. because I love having the lights turned on when I'm sleeping and my 7 other roommates banging their weapons on the lockers like they're playing hockey.
1005. Karaoke: another painful reminder that we can't drink."cause I got high" duet.
1007. Where else can I see a street sweeper go up and down the flight line in a dust storm?
1023. Because I was at the beauty salon getting a haircut when I heard a female soldier ask for a 236 The Krygy girl replied "is that a red hair dye or a Brazilian wax?"
1024. because now I know the National Debt can easily be reduced by Millions of dollars if we quit buying every COL, LTC and CSM a fully loaded Suburban or Land Cruised so they don't have to walk to the chow hall
1028. Because we are supposed to be pulling out of here, yet there is more construction going on at Bagram than there was after Katrina.
1032. Because i understand this desert scale, This does not mean that I am desperate enough to want to have a conversation with you boys your on a desert scale too your all about a 2 Stop Talking.
1034. Because in order to drive a gator you have to be in a full suit of armor.
1037. Seeing the afghan laundry dude wearing YOUR unit shirt in front of you in line at the DFAC...and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.
1038. Because of the idiot that always sits next to me in the MWR and says. Can you hear me? 100 times.
1041. Because everyone knows that if you wear sunglasses on top of your head in the DFAC, the terrorists win.
1045. The overweight, bearded contractors wearing their five finger vibrams while walking each morning.
1052. Friday night is Carp and Camel night at the DFAC.
1058. $3 haircuts that look like $3 haircuts.
1059. How VIPs never get a tour of the Bhuts!
1071. Because no where else in the world would cheerios and a near-beer be considered a normal meal.
1073. Because the bugs coming out of my mattress is the only entertainment I get at night.
1089. Because I thought this was a real Air Force deployment...where is my pool?
1095. Because a Bagram 5 gave me a negligent discharge.
1097. because I had to spend two hours sweeping rocks and dirt out of my workplace so the visiting general wouldn't know Afghanistan is dusty.
1101. Because cutting open 20 or so glow-sticks and coating golf balls before hitting them into the minefield is the most entertaining thing ive done in 6 months.
1104. Benjamin Franklin once said "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria." I guess he never had "disinfected Non potable water".
1106. Because WTF is the 'Day Off' that the Air Force talks about in the chow lines?
1107. Now you know why the Russians were so angry in the 80's...
1108. Because after winning the $25 bingo jackpot you can trade in the AAFES gift card for pogs to "make it rain"
1115. bad roads, haji's everywhere, run down buildings, looks like i never left detroit!
1116. I love Bagram because R and R returnees take flight priority from those with real missions.
1117. Getting told to keep my eyepro on after scanning my id card at the Aviation DFAC and then told by another person to take them off when I'm sitting down eating.
1122. Because after seeing the adorable 'faces of rabies' flyers, my new hobby is getting scratched by kittens.
1125. The food is so good, the latrines should be retrofitted with seatbelts.
1127. Because I witnessed three grown men sword-fighting with broomsticks on the roof of the JOC under a full moon.
1132. Because I secretly wish an IDF would hit close, but not TOO close, because it's the only way I'll get a CAB Don't you judge me because I know you've thought the same thing.
1133. The asshole who left a bag at the Dragon the other day, ruining my shot at breakfast.
1134. Because today I saw a monitor lizard that was definately a 7.
1138. Because there is a water truck that says "water is for safety, water not for drink."
1139. The random "all clear" call in the middle of the night Thanks for the heads up, I guess dont need that 15 minutes of my 4 hours of sleep.
1140. You know who is a pilot in PT gear because they have the 70's porn mustache going on...
1141. Because I just saw that AF chick that walks around with the Malibu Barbie sticker on her M16 .. Seriously? Who lied to you?
1146. Because regardless of where, when, or what, there is never, EVER, a 3 second rule.
1148. Because jewelry shopping with a loaded assault rifle is normal.
1152. Because choosing a bathroom stall feels like a going through a minefield.
1157. Because where else can you start your day by seeing your boss naked in the shower.. every day....
1162. Becuase I heard the whistling; I felt the booms; I smelled the smoke; and I watched the fire...from the top of my bunker.. I think I rate a Combat Audience Badge...
1169. Being told not to talk over "the sound of freedom" when two jets take off.
1171. Doing your laundry at the self service laundry facility is like being at Walmart on Black Friday.
1172. because I can turn in bulk laundry and the first thing that comes up missing is a FULL uniform Not socks, tshirt or underwear but a uniform Yeah, I am sure that as it spun around in the dryer it flew out and accidently fell on that dude with the RPG.
1179. Because you can get a 3 point ticket for not wearing a seat belt for 1/2 block and you can stuff 17 hajji's in the back of a pickup...
1190. because I can be any rank I want when I'm in PTs
1192. Realizing that every bunker should be a bang bunker .. we just need more female participants.
1193. Because I realized that today's Swedish meatballs in the DFAC taste EXACTLY like yesterday's Salisbury Steak They're recycling food for crying out loud!!! At $30/meal???
1194. Because I saw a bumper sticker on a NTV that said "if route clearing was easy..then route clearing would be your mom!" PS it was my commanders truck!
1199. because I watched a LT lick his fingers to separate individual plates at the Koele DFAC I threw up a little in my mouth.
1207. Because now when I hear a car alarm in the states I will look for a forklift backing up insted of a car thief..
1221. Because, hey have you seen some of those nurses at BAF Craig hospital? Real world 8's, 9's and 10's Makes drinking that "non-potable" water for a quick trip to the hospital seem like not such a bad idea
1227. Dear #1220, what's your Roshan number?
1235. Because we close down the most opperationally important road for an hour and a half, just as everyone is heading out to work, so that people don't have to fight over the gym's treadmils.
1236. Because while pulling road guard I had to tell a brigade CO that per her own brigades orders she could not drive to the PAX terminal.
1239. Because there is a sign that Burger King is open but no one knows where
1242. Because every care package I receive has baby wipes Here is to the cleanest ass in Bagram!!!!!
1251. Because if you say "Smurf Ass" people know instantly that it is splash back from the portapottie.
1265. Totally unpredictable status symbol: actual metal silverware!
1266. Because I need Eye Protection to enter the DFAC, but the local nationals can tear down the old prison in flip-flops.
1268. Someone writing "Get your free Obama action figures" in the porta-jon, with an arrow into the bowl.
1269. Having haji's run up to you and ask you if they can touch your hair because it's blonde, and no one tries to stop the awkwardness.
1272. because if I want to buy PT shorts I can either look like Richard Simmons or the extra in a gangsta video.
1280. i just saw a car with a purple light up license plate baf, you are the little wayne of fobs.
1287. Watching the laundry dude take a bird bath (w/ a bottle of water) in the following order: feet, face, hands Nice!
1290. Because the word “Disney” used to symbolize happy times, family fun and joy Now it has come to mean injury, anger, and despair.
1292. Because I saw an SUV driving down Disney with "FREE CANDY" placards on it Just wish they would have given me some candy.
1296. Because I'm on a blacked-out FOB that gets rocketed on a daily basis, yet BAF looks like Las Vegas and they still can't manage to hit it.
1301. Because I'm waiting for them to figure out how to work "made degrading comments about unit on ilovebagram.com" into a negative counseling.
1307. because I can look at myself in the mirror and say You were wonderful last night.
1310. Because when the IDF Siren goes off, people get annoyed and just talk louder.
1316. Because I never knew there were so many different types of water.. black water, grey water, potable water, non-potable water, disinfected non-potable water...
1323. Because at the Dragon DFAC there is a sign for AA and I want to go to the meeting to find out where everyone is getting there booze out here.
1330. Only at Camp S-H will you find handsoap taped to the wall at the dfac instead of being able to use the soap dispenser.
1336. IDF impact, shelter in place, don IBA really means, "We don't sound the alarms until after the IDF hits so, CONGRATULATIONS! You live another day."
1344. Seeing an attractive girl walk out of the port a john you were waiting for, then getting hit with the freshly taken dump smell as soon as you open the door.
1347. Per the legend of King Arthur, I'm convinced whoever is mighty enough to pull the rocket from the tree on Disney will be named the King of BAF
1348. Because no one really knows what the South Koreans are doing here
1352. Because having the guy next to your room play Dance Dance Revolution everynight is the new cardio.
1359. Because I can no longer eat ice cream cones because of the looks I get from the men around me.
1365. Because even though it gives me love handles, indigestion, and nightmares, I still think Midnight chow is the only thing worth living for here.
1382. Because after 10 years we still run out of hot water for showers...but we got a million dollars worth of up armorer suburbans to ride down disney in.
1393. Because building brand new multi-million dollar buildings is a sure sign that we are drawing down.
1396. Because my CDR would rather shit in a can in his bedroom, instead of walking 20ft to the bathroom right outside his door.
1397. Because just last night I got a parking ticket in a war zone.
1398. because as long as you wear 5.11 pants, and don't try to eat in the DFAC, you can live indefinitely on BAF without a job or CAC...I think the abandoned RLBs may be a homeless contractor camp.
1401. Mismatched meals at Dragon What's that.. you want some refried beans to go with your quesadilla? TOO BAD, have an egg roll instead.
1404. Because you go to the PX to see the same stuff for the 143th time, and you'll do it again tomorrow.
1415. Because I can wear my Hajjie humping a goat T-shirt that says "SHHHH, IT'S OKAY, IT'S THURSDAY" and have a 2 Star tell me he wants one.
1416. Because no where else but Bagram will you see a Soldier carrying his M4 at the ready with his right hand, while in his left he sips a iced mocha-latte through a straw.
1418. I love bagram because it helped me remember that dial-up is still around.
1428. Waking up to football.
1430. Were else can I buy "Nude nuns with big guns" for $3.
1431. Cruising down Disney between 0500 and 0730 and realizing that the army was the original inventor of "POWER WALKING"
1436. because most of my care packages come from Amazon, thank you me for sending me stuff.
1440. Getting accountability after IDF impact, Via Facebook.
1445. nothing says hardcore combat like an airforce female in full battle rattle with earings and makeup!
1452. You have your vehicle impounded for ten days because you didn't have your seat belt on or were speeding In a war zone.
1460. Because I had the following conversation, after an IDF attack: Senior Airman “ You need to get to cover, NOW!” Me: “I am walking there right now What are you doing?” Senior Airman (with puzzled look) “ That is what I am doing….” Me: “Then why are you yelling at me? Should we start yelling at each other until we get there?” I know she will be confused all day.
1463. An airman walked around my friend who is a CPT and was walking in the same direction, then saluted him saying "by your liege sir." What the hell?
1464. The guy skypeing his wife at Dragon MWR the other night while she was in the bathtub When he says" What part of I'm in a public place do you not understand?", I almost fell out of my chair
1466. Because my female cousin ( a solid state side 8) deploys to bragram on the 13th, and I know more about her base than she does, thanks to this site, and she now has gone to buy rape whistle.
1467. Because it's the only place on Earth where a fat and/or ugly chick can be picky.
1470. Because I am jealous of everyone who gets to live in a CONEX container.
1472. When everyone that works at PizzaHut forgets how to speak english when they fuck up my pizza.
1474. because physically taking my badge, squinting hard at it, and flipping it over several times in your hands determines the validity of it.. are you gonna bite it too, to see if it's the real deal?
1480. ..because I now know that two piss bottles can be hidden inside an empty Cheez-It cracker box
1482. Because, after 10 years here, the US Army is finally winning the war...against sunglasses on top of your head at the DFAC
1484. Because the chow hall tongs remind me of the claws in a stuffed animal arcade game Designed to not let you actually grab anything.
1485. Because where else can you find 2 brooms duct-taped together and attached to the side of a building to act as an internet antena?
1490. the contractor who wears the dropleg holster, extra ammo, and a 6" SOG knife in anticipation of a full blown ground attack here at FOB Cupcake!
1492. You have been denied access to the requested page due to a blocked category The category of the page is: Business/Economy ----- Winning their hearts and minds, one blocked website at a time.
1495. because they like to shut down the bathrooms at camp S-H from 0800-1200 everywhere Since ya know, no one needs to go during that time.
1497. because the officers can have Nerf gun fights in the office, but enlisted get in trouble when we talk to loud.
1510. Because there is nothing more satisfying than getting your first kill of the deployment....That damn mouse had been scurrying through my RLB on S-H for weeks... BUT I GOT 'EM Butt stroke to the head series move.. 😉
1514. because those rock-hard "cinammon rolls" at the dfac (that show up at every meal) could be used as weapons against the terrorists.
1519. Because we get crappy utensils that can't cut pudding, but the American prison system has to worry about prisoners making shanks with thiers.
1523. because my memory foam matress has Alzheimer's
1525. Because when soldiers are doing marathons/half marathons/10Ks here the LN's are thinking "the hell is wrong with these people?"
1538. Because this is where the Russian mail order bride catalog comes to life!
1540. Because I have yet to figure out why it is okay to hang your eye pro around your neck but not to wear them on your head Is it in the Geneva convention or some treaty with the terrorist that we will not wear them on our head? Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
1550. asking the ice cream scooper how many people he's killed.. he just smiles
1563. Because the air quality report for BAF just came out and now ive noticed dead birds all over S-H.
1567. because the only ATMs are controlled by an Afghan bank, doesnt that go against everything AFN commercials stand for?
1569. Staying late at work, hoping your female CO will hit on you since no one's around No luck so far, I'll keep trying though.
1570. can we fight someplace with beaches, alcohol and a time zone that isnt a half hour off next time? And no dirt storms.
1571. because while my friends at home do their 9-5 jobs, i am on the other side of the world hunting terrorists, actually, not hunting terrorists, more like looking for reasons to go to the PX, watch AFN, and play on the internet, but i once met a guy who fights terrorists.
1586. Dear Dropzone Dfac- Suggestion: PLEASE EMPTY THE SUGGESTION BOX!
1590. hearing all the people that have deployed before saying they would go back to Iraq in a heartbeat
1593. I get a ticket because the guy in the backseat wasn't wearing a seatbelt as trucks rolls past with 23 LNs in the truck bed.
1597. Thank you DFAC! Because of your menu "selection" my diet now consist of 75% Protein Shakes.
1605. i feel prepared for any situation b/c i did the CBT!
1610. because I had the opportunity to remind my boss that when he is making obscene hand gestures on a VTC the other participants can still see him just not hear him when the mute button activated.
1620. cause u can buy rubbers and a pregnancy test at the px, but general order #1 is in effect.
1622. @1575 At first I was thinking that maybe the Air Force could develop a Stockholm type syndrome and become suicide terrorists and crash the plane with you on it, but then I realized how long the
1636. Because one visit to Kandahar and the poo pond and everyone up in Bagram will stop complaining.
1637. because the milk has a super long expiration date...what is in the milk???
1642. Because I love getting laughed at when running for a bunker during indirect fire!
1643. Because I've seen males at the beauty salon getting manicures and pedicures
1650. Because somebody told me that there was an Afghani midg-, er, little person running around here somewhere, and now I am axiously awaiting the moment when I find him!!
1665. Because I can hear my neighbor pound his FleshLight...it makes these weird air noises!!!
1684. Because a woman started talking to me while washing hands at the DFAC and I momentarily forgot what to do.
1685. Because pilots insist on growing their deployment moustaches and only end up looking like Chester the Molester or French women
1692. Because after reading some magazines on winter vacation spots my folks sent me I think I could write a good description of Bagram as a rustic getaway in the mountains with prepared food, gyms, and
1693. because if your mail isn't insured it really isn't yours.
1700. I love Bagram because the shuttle bus comes by on time every twenty minutes Granted, it's quite often full and the driver just keeps on driving, but it was there.
1768. Because at MWR, I use Private Browsing in Firefox, then empty all the cookies before logging off the computer...and it's all pointless because my web traffic is being routed through Singapore.
1816. because you only have to trust one fart to be in the "i shit my pants club"
1841. Because I've had food poisoning four times from the DFAC, but I've never gotten sick from eating Afghan food from outside the wire Thanks, DFAC, for keeping my weight in check I guess I can hang out in the latrine and catch up on reading.
1842. Because the PX only carries sizes L and XL; clearly civilians are doing the ordering Open your eyes and take a look around! These are not the PeopleofWalmart.com!
1843. Because I wanted to share my clever trip planning: Eat before going to the PX because no bags are allowed in the DFAC, then go to the PX before going to Green Beans because drinks are not allowed in the PX Then I realized I couldn't stop in the MWR to brag about this clever planning without going to my room to drop everything off first MINE
1869. LNs squatting to piss anywhere, then wiping their dick with a rock (mostly noticed outside the wire, but still, WTF)
1887. because 1808's mystery white sock might not have been used on someone's feet
1895. Because I am about to have as many terms for stomach problems as the Eskimo have for snow: Irritable Bowel Syndrome, bubbleguts, pissing-out-your-ass, dribbles, the Koele colon blow....
1922. There are 2 ways to do things, right and again.....I guess we are doing it again.
1924. because getting called tits mcgee just makes me more irritated everytime someone calls me it >:[
1926. because #1830 its not even would you or wouldn't you, it's with or without.
1928. because right before I redeploy, I will sell my Fleshlight from Bagram on eBay "slightly used"
1929. Because the raw end of a dog smells like the right end of a local
1932. Because being here makes me feel like a kid again I haven't been this desperate for sex, booze, and porn since I was 14.
1935. nothing says hardcore combat like seeing a soldier/airman/marine in full battle gear sipping out of a juice box like a 3 yr old (#1445) BE A REAL MAN - USE A CUP!!!
1937. because i wish i was the guy who made ILB because then i could read all the reasons that don't make the list.
1944. cause in about 5 years hollywood will make a television series about the war and their storylines will come from ILB.
1947. Because getting the milk into the cereal, and not all over the table, is the hardest thing I have to do all day.
1949. because I dropped the soap today and left it!
1953. Camp Albert Shower Shitter.. WTF??? When we find out who you are we are gonna make posters of you with "Shower Shitter" under your pic then post them all over BAF just like the dude that stole from the bazaar
1954. Those random care packages full of junk from someones attic with the occasional treasures like.. 1980's Easy Rider magazines...Older then most people in the office, but uhh Giggidy
1955. Because we've occupied this base for 10 years + and I still have to shit in a porta john
1959. because I am considering picking up the habit of smoking It's healthier than the actual air we breathe out here.
1966. Because the First Sgt just announced that room inspections start next week Do we seriously have NOTHING more to be concerned about that my freakin' bed being made?!?
1967. Because of the 350 lb soldier I saw outside of Dragon DFAC All he needs is a red smiley face shirt and a brick wall..."OH YEEEAH!"
1968. because when I go in the porta-john I can find treasures such as cereal boxes, Girl Scout cookie box, teeth whitener, and cigarette ashes.
1970. finding new and inventive ways to piss off my roommate, like hitting snooze on my alarm and then leaving to take a shower.
1971. When you type in "I love" on Google, this site comes up The revolution has started.
1978. Because the sound of a bolt locking forward in the DFAC brings deafening silence...
1979. Where else can you find footprints on the toilet or porta john seat?
1982. because the air outside of the porta john stinks more than the air inside it.
1984. because when you go home for R&R you remember what CLEAN laundry actually feels and smells like
1986. because the DFAC server is as nervous as a suicide bomber with Parkinson's when I ask for bacon
1991. I took my pocket pussy to chow tonight I figured she needed to be taken out instead of only being used for fake sex in my room.
1995. because I found a new porta-john treasure - a condom wrapper and hand prints on the back wall
1999. Because 2 fully budding marijuana plants were found behind help desk recently.
2003. because the Army chick sleeping with my friend talks non stop about her wedding at the end of her deployment
2007. Because I've given up trying to figure out what gave me the shits.
2009. Because forcing the DFAC servers to serve us bacon every day is probably turning them into suicide bombers...
2011. i told my troop today to remember general order number one because the chick he's trying to sleep with. id like to bang first fml.
2014. because I pretend to be asleep when my roommate comes home so I don't have to talk to him.
2031. Im thinking Extreme MakeOver, Afghan BHut, would be nice!
2037. because I went to the porta-pot outside of the gym and found a used condom, a latex glove and a half eaten apple next to the toilet...
2038. Stockpiling Mega Sport bottles for winter, cause it's a long way to piss in the cold.
2042. Because I never know if I am walking into, or out of, the showers dirtier.
2070. Watching a haji drink a can of coke while riding on the back of a port a john sucker truck.
2071. because I am waiting for the up-armoured Gator after seeing an up-armoured backhoe .. what will they up-armour next ? Port-John with IOTV plates!!
2082. Every S*it is an Emergency....
2085. ISAF is for I SKYPE AND FACEBOOK
2090. friends at home dont know that my warzone time includes iced mocha frappes, salsa dancing, and shopping on amazon all day WIN
2093. Discovering that BAF happens to be text slang for " Bored As Fuck"
2094. because i sat down for my daily deuce and noticed someone had left pages from a porn mag on the floor. thanx random hero.
2100. Because I have to take Doxy everyday and I've only seen one mosquito in 6 months...I have a better chance of getting laid than getting malaria.
2101. Because "Don IBA's and seek hardened shelter" translates to Reservists as "wake up, put on pt's and waddle out to the smoke pit and see what's going on."
2102. ISAF is for I SUCK AT FIGHTING
2103. Only here can my soldier give himself a knife puncture wound requiring stitches from hastily opening a package of thin mints.
2110. I love waking up at three times a night doing the "pee dance" in the dark until i finally find my shower shoes,and then do a 300 meter run across the field of boulders in a panic state of mind.
2111. Because nothing makes your week like figuring out a way around IO Global's block on porn!
2120. Becasue my units most sensitive item is the list of porn sites not blocked by IO Global.
2122. When there are fresh ripe bananas at the DFAC and you call those BAGRAM 10s.
2136. Because people talk about the incoming Popeye's like it's the f&^king Second Coming.
2137. The ice cream guy at dragon touched his junk twice while I ate dinner Fact
2146. Because I found a chat-log from my predecessor discussing his future trip to Thailand for lady-boy and strap-on fun.
2149. because only the ones here smart enough not to touch the food from the Chow hall are the flies!
2150. because.. Inmates in the California Penal System live in larger cells( i mean rooms ), with less roomates, more amenities, and a higher per diem rate than a soldier here at BAF does!
2155. Because it's like a game to see if I can finish my shower before the water backs up above the wood crate I'm standing on.
2156. Because only at BAF can taking someones juice box away be considered a COK block.
2159. because there is some former Russian soldier monitoring ILB and saying "the more things change the more they stay the same"...in Russian of course.
2171. Seeing the Polish Army guys shaving each others backs in the showers
2183. because when you hear IDF impact, shelter in place dawn IBA, it means sit in your office and keep facebooking and look at random shit on the internet ss
2187. because just like the saying "There's no atheist in a fox hole" there are also no atheist in a BAF chow hall.. everyone prays before their meal that they don't get sick.
2188. because here at BAF, we are no longer called the United States Air Force We're now known as the United States Air Service, because Force sounds to aggressive.
2189. Because I passed PMO making a traffic stop on Disney during shelter-in-place.
2204. Because only at BAF will they announce a control det 10 mins AFTER the f*cking thing goes off next to the dorms.
2206. Oh yea, the 1 hour wait at the Post Office that serves thousands of people all packed with 5 gorilla lockers!!!
2208. Because the South Koreans must have raided Flavor Flav's closet for those happenin' PT track suits.
2210. Because after being home for 30 days after a 4 month deployment to Bagram, my lungs still feel like vacuum cleaner bags that are full.
2217. Because armor upgrade kits for tactical vehicles come wrapped in bubblewrap.
2220. because my bank card gets declined in ireland, but i can pull 200 bucks a day from the national bank of afghanistan
2227. because KAF has no massage parlor thanks to a chaplain who was offered a happy ending and reported it-not before he accepted of course.
2233. Because I keep getting little gifts from an LN Im starting to get suspicious that this is his way of paying my dowery and slowly but surely Im going to belong to him.
2235. Because of the SrA chick getting a to go box of ice cream Yes, you had two chins, but I would still tell you "I love you" if you shared your cookies and cream with me.
2236. Because where else can I knock out several semesters of college classes while on shift?
2238. because the fat SFC in the corner of the B-hut shakes the whole building when he whacks off at night
2239. because so many people repeat the lie that 20% of the dust is fecal matter It actually 40%.
2243. because ever since I bought a pair of Oakley's on Amazon, I'm beginning to think the $15 pair I bought at the Bazaar may be counterfeit
2247. Because I just bought my contracting crew 38 " 236" T-shirts, using DOD funds which I diverted from an RLB upgrade fund Thanks taxpayers, sorry military.
2248. Because the local nationals at laundry building have to touch my happy shirts and towles.
2252. Because I go to the medical clinic with a back injury When the medic gets up to leave the room and I see a google search for "back injuries."
2260. How come no matter what time I walk down Disney I pass the same people? Are there people who just walk up and down Disney all day, like a mall walkers club?
2261. Ever notice that it doesn't matter whether you ask for eggs or egg whites in the omelet line, it gets scooped from the same bucket?
2265. I've seen alot of entries about TCNs I call them Foriegn Nationals so when I talk about the FN food service, FN laundry, etc - everyone knows what I mean...
2266. Because I may be forced to sell a kidney on the black market for a years supply of Charmin in order to save my asshole certain death.
2269. Because you can never really look cool while driving a Gator
2271. because AFN just had a Justin Beiber power hour...REALLY AFN?!
2272. Because all this porta-potty talk about smurf ass and blue balls is helping me understand why the foreign nationals stand on the toilet seat instead of sitting.
2274. because honey badger don't give a shit.
2282. Because I can say "good morning" to people when I get up at 20:00 and no one blinks an eye.
2284. Because once we pull out, Bagram's final purpose is going to be a giant wasteland where shipping containers go to die.
2285. Because the murderous stare, given by the mujahideen at the DFAC every time someone deliberately throws their tray in whichever trash can he is not pointing at, is proof that we have won their hearts and minds.
2287. because I can look at everything I do in a day and say to myself "I only have to do this XXX more times before I leave"
2290. For my purple heart with crab claw device for the injuries sustained at aviation DFAC breaking crab legs and lobster tails with plastic utensils
2294. Because a O-6 chaplain has a beard longer than the LN
2299. because someone always has to ask the bus driver if the bus is going to the big px No guy this bus is going of post. try the next one back.
2309. because the local national that proposes to me every time I pick up my laundry, I think is wearing my underwear
2313. bc after eating at the DFAC you don't experience "montezuma's revenge" like in mexico, you get "mohammed's revenge" bc all of the mohammeds that work there touched your food (over under of 12)
2317. I think the camp commandant disabled our hot water heaters because he was tired of yelling at us to take four minute showers Congrats, it works, a-hole.
2321. The first question they ask when you have been rushed to the ER after collapsing outside the latrine: Did you eat any local food?
2322. Because wearing your gold chains on the outside of your body armor wouldn't be cool if 50 cent did and it's not cool when you do it you bafoon!
2324. A 1SG loses a refrigerator because he left it outside his room and asks for it back through a mass email Outside = Free in Afghanistan.
2325. Because I walked by a dead bird and knew for a FACT it had been eating the local food.
2331. Thanks to the FN Air Force E-3 who didn't clear his M-16 and discharged a round in the Dragon.
2333. Thanks to the Army E-8 who discharged her weapon by the PAX terminal..It's not just Air Force buddy.
2335. After being here 7 months my command makes us wear body alarms At least when they go off now I know someone is getting lucky.
2339. Because the PAX Terminal has a sign that says "carry-on bags only beyond this point" at the entrance and another that says "do not leave your bags unattended"
2340. ....Because i get to watch prisoners for 12-16 hours a day......and they eat AND sleep better than me.
2341. Because how Army Customs won't let you through with more than 3 oz of shampoo, but my M4 / M9 are good to go!
2345. Because I am in the military, on a military base, in a warzone, and still outnumbered about 3 to 1 by civilians.
2347. Because 10 years from now I'll laugh when the Chinese are complaining about being here.
2349. Because I find myself wanting an issue to arrise in someone's life so I get to talk to the blond from the Red Cross.
2350. Full skin exfoliation during sand storm
2352. Becuase I think that after 10 years here we should get to vote in the Afghani elections.
2356. I just found out that every occupant of Bird Tree @ 0530, can't stand my green laser Let the games begin.
2357. sadly, just to get home, I'm hoping I get a Red Cross message.
2359. because after the Afgan dude scratched his balls he asked me what i wanted in my omelet...
2360. Because after I drop a bagram I have to wipe my Afghanistan with what feels like 200 grit sandpaper
2371. I saw a dead bird on the road but was afraid to run it over because my IED training said they put bombs in dead animals
2372. Because it gets you away from your spouse and pays your bills off faster so you can get that divorce you always wanted.
2384. Because there is no easy way to get chow before or after attending classes.. THANK YOU people who decided that military personnel, armed to the teeth, might be carrying a bomb in their military issued Assault Pack.. Because a fully loaded M16 on Amber status doesn't propose a threat at all...
2385. Because when someone ask to borrow your hard drive, its just code for i need more porn.
2386. Because I work 2100-0900 and get screwed out of all the secret parties happening on shift.
2400. because driving down Disney, I saw a blond with the hottest daisy duke shorts and almost hit a guy who was standing in the middle of Disney staring at her too What a day!!
2405. because as a female i keep trying to get my guy friends to ask the massage ladies for a "blue berry muffin" to see if the rumors are true.
2409. Seeing a sign saying "Beef Eye" in the dfac and wondering if it was a bad translation or the truth
2417. Because you are more likely to see a Camel Spider than camel toe!
2419. because I ran into my former SGM today (I'm a contractor)and told him that I make more money than he does and offered to buy his coffee
2420. bc if you need anything besides Kotex and hair color from the Warrior PX trailer, your're fucked.
2421. Because if you negligently discharge your 9mm, you can just reach into the nearest Security Forces amnesty box and grab a few rounds to cover your ass.
2430. Becuase a TB detainee called me the FNG.
2431. Because the odors remind me of home, which is Northern N.J.
2433. Because the same stuff sold at the bazaar here as "locally made" is also sold in Kuwait and Iraq.
2438. Because "Suicide Prevention" means leaving Bagram.
2439. because standing behind the airman and looking at the sticker on his weapon "If Found Please Contact..." and the phone number Made me feel better I was in the Army!
2441. Because when i asked a DFAC worker if the cake was peanut butter cake and he smiled and nodded.. it was carmel cake
2448. I got tasked to go on a RCP looking for IEDs and the only thing going through my mind was "I'm getting away from BAF" thank you GOD!
2451. Because I overheard the LN curse IN ENGLISH when he saw the amount of hair in the shower while cleaning.
2459. Because the Air Force felt it necessary to fly me halfway around the world to win the war one Excel sheet at time It's called "remote desktop" you idiots.
2460. Because the Native American Heritage dinner menu is full of Mexican dishes.
2461. because today, one of the cleaning crew's LNs "shampoo'ed" his hair with lotion, then dunked his head in the mop bucket to rinse off (you can't make this shit up.)
2465. Because in a seven mile loop a vehicle can be stolen and never found...Where's the chopshop?
2467. Because the only thing worse than eating at the north DFAC, is walking in and seeing that the friggin Bills have been selected as the AFN game of the week.
2468. The people that look surprised that today again there is a card reader in the dfac and then spend two minutes looking for their card.
2471. because you can have a bad day every day and no one questions it.
2472. Because this place is so bad I got care package from an inmate in Pennsylvania.
2473. Ability to live at the PMC (Polish Military Compound) and get shit faced on daily basis God Bless the Polish!
2474. Because people still cannot figure out after months that IO cannot filter foreign words for porn search in different languages like in Turkish: sikis, amcik,
2476. because this place makes me actually miss fort bragg
2479. The Bagram Tuxedo - combat boots, 5.11 pants, riggers belt, 5.11 shirt and some baseball cap with velcro.
2481. As a contractor if I stay here an extra month I can buy a new boat.
2482. Free food, super affordable housing, low crime, free transportation,exotic women,2 paychecks a month, it's like living a welfare dream !!
2484. Shower curtains made from cotton bedsheets and paperclips
2491. because I get a law class when the guys next door talk about their divorces - daily.
2493. Because the highlight of my 1 year here will be getting the bottom bunk!!
2495. Waiting outside the ECP for 2 hours because the damn bomb dog is on its "lunch break"
2497. Having a haji dvd with one audio track suddenly switch languages about half way through
2499. because today my air force lt got issued a rape whistle flaslight caribeener combo set
2500. If Chuck Norris was to post on this site it wouldn't be called "I love Bagram" it would be called Bagram Loves Chuck Norris
2503. Because through precise application of the laws of hydrodynamics, and complex calculations involving laminar flow, I have perfected the art of pissing in a bottle perfectly silently so as not to
2511. Because I have to leave my magazines in my room, clear out twice, and have an E7 present just to clean my weapon Guess they can't afford another "Whoops, guess we're supposed to take the magazine out during a function check huh?"
2512. Because I doubt the vendors really knew what Black Friday was.
2513. Because I speak fluent Russian, but pretend I don't so I can listen to the Kyrgyz barbers talk shit about us 'fat, rude Americans' all day.
2514. i thought i had accidentally wandered into the million man march, but it was just the line for popeyes
2515. because I just ran my very best PT run in the Army at around 9 minutes Oh damn the SGT who marked route is to dumb to realize that our vehicles here are in Kilometers and not miles
2516. because tonight we heard two shots fired, chain of command thought we were under attack and I told them it is Bagram, Neglegent Discharge is more likely the case.
2517. Because only at BAF will you find someone rollerblading in a war zone.
2518. Because kids from the States send me letters thanking me for protecting their freedom I read them while I watch football and drink my pumpkin-spiced Keurig coffee.
2519. they give us weapons and ammo and yet its to dangers to press my own sandwich anymore
2520. Thinkning: No schools equates to low educated afghans, until I heard one of the bazaar guys spoke ok english to me, decent polish to the guy behind me, and spoke a fare amount of spanish to the latino army guy that walked in My mind is now blown ILB
2522. Because we receive new uniforms every month which means I do not have to recycle my happy socks.
2525. FYI a Neglegent Discharge is now called a Desk pop and you have to say, "Hey, I did my first desk pop!"
2529. because going on r&r getting drunk everyday and then coming back makes me wonder why i didnt go awol
2530. because I heard an army SSG talk about how much shes learning about greek culture from watching the show rome.. GO ARMY
2533. Because when I found a copy of the Constitution, I gave it to my commander He put it in his desk and said not to talk about it ever again.
2534. because a pretty face/huge boobs are on a opposing scale You only get 10 points total The AF average is 7/3; the Army is 2/8.
2536. Because the world where I did my own laundry, cooked my own food, and commuted to work seems like a distant nightmare Thank you, Stockholm Syndrome.
2538. Because nothing says Thanksgiving like a pirate ship in Yelnar chow hall declaring war on a castle.
2539. I never knew that Thanksgiving was the Polynesian Pirate holiday they celebrate for conquering the Taj Mahal Thank you Koele DFAC for clearing that up for me.
2545. Wondering why if they can make almost good food on thanksgiving that they can't do it year round.
2548. They can't cook an egg at the North DFAC to save their lives, but by God they can build the shit out of a wild west scene...
2551. Reading all the Active guys bitch on here about the guard and reserve...hey, if you guys could do your job adequately, we wouldn't need to be here...
2552. because the line to the Warrior DFAC on Thanksgiving DAY lead up to the road I thought it was Black Friday WTF.
2554. Knowing the exact time in the evening when you stop drinking fluids and start dehydrating so you don't have to get up in the middle of the night to piss...
2555. Because.. This one time.. Well.. Oh yeah the.. I went..
2557. Because going off to war has allowed me to catch up on all of the movies and TV series I didn't have time to watch back in the states.
2561. Because the only fresh bread at Khoele DFAC on Thanksgiving was for decoration.
2562. because the main PX is selling Wendy's gift cards.. Go AAFES!
2566. because i was more worried about being crapped on by the insane amount of birds on disney than i am of incoming.
2568. Because the copy machine in my S shop was put in for a bronze star Copy man, making us copies
2571. T-Walls grow like mushrooms
2572. The sight of soldiers with weapons slung at the ready with large mocha frappuccino never gets old
2578. Because I'm still mad that Vietnam got all the good music I really can't see 40 years from now at Air Shows reenactors demonstrating securing a LZ in Afghanistan to Rihanna.
2583. Airforce TV...SPICE commercials and proper office box lifting techniques.
2584. Prank calls on my roshan phone from afghanis
2585. because Base OPs is conducting an audit of our barracks and tells by battle buddy he has to bring in a copy of his orders bringing him to afghanistan Come on lady, I don't think he is here on vacation but maybe so Just maybe he stumbled upon this blogsite and decided he needed to vacation and visit this lovely place.
2587. Because of the correlation between the decrease in temperature and increase in piss bottle usage.
2589. #2543 there are midgets in manjamies...inside the DFIP We call them our pocket terrorists.
2594. Becasue Base Ops put a lock on my door, then told me to bring a copy of my orders Where the hell do they think I keep my orders?!?!
2597. because I saw a specalist with the last name of Manlove in the Chow Hall and thought, damn he got punked.. then I looked him up on AKO... Sorry dude
2602. because of that guy who made that MTV cribs remix video on youtube, thanx to him BAF is now a step closer to Hollywood
2604. Because the LN making my eggs this morning had on a womens button up shirt, I didnt have the heart to tell him.
2605. Because 3/4 of those posting to ILB need to take remedial English.
2608. Watching a TCN check every faucet in the bathroom to make sure they were all out of water.
2613. I ordered 20 “I kill terrorists” t-shirts and gave them away to LNs who don’t speak English.
2616. because the Base Impound lot is starting to look like a militay motorpool.
2617. The infamous "Good Idea Fairy" is living large on BAF, I think it has O-5 or O-6 rank There may even be a whole tribe of them Maybe National Geographic will come by and do a special...
2618. because the haji that called me cant believe he had the wrong number he wont give it up keep tryin lil buddy...
2619. The transient overflow is the top bunks of permanent residents.
2620. Because were else would you see females with Christmas Bows on their weapon??? I Love this place!!
2625. becuase last night I heard a rape whistle go off and my first thought was if I blackmailed them then I could get a piece of the action...
2626. Because only i this place can you ask a LN if thier prayer carpets fly.
2627. because if a German hands a Frenchman a stapler in your presence it counts as Joint and NATO duty MORE MEDALS FOR O-4s! YEA!
2629. Because of the one eyed, four fingered worker at the North DFAC...we know what you did in your last career.
2631. Because I arrive at my B-hut one night after work to discover the door nailed shut and an order by the camp mayor not to enter Homeless at BAF Can shit seriously not get any lower?
2632. Because I have taken to calling my OIC and NCOIC mom and dad in hopes they will buy me a christmas present.
2633. Because Pakistan is hitting us where it hurts Popeye's is closed until the border reopens.
2634. Because I cant tell if Im sleeping on the boxspring or the mattress...
2635. Seeing an Air Force guy pulling his duffel in a Radio Flyer wagon Seriously dude? You couldn't carry that one duffel?
2637. If the Major that purchased my stolen Montblanc pen for $15.00 wants refills call 079-382-3552.
2638. because of the sign "Bus stops only at bus stops".
2640. Because you get to see U.S Coast Guard troops scratching their heads wondering "How the hell did I wind up HERE?"
2644. when I got here I saw zero good looking girls.. 5 1/2 months later there are hott chicks everywhere.... dont know whats more dangerous, beer goggles or desert goggles...
2645. Bagram...so this is where germs are born.
2650. Because after all the crazy stuff I've seen on this base, seeing a group of local nationals walking down Disney with traffic cones on their heads didn't even make me blink.
2657. Because I’m actually looking forward to the Tops in Blue show I guess deployment goggles also apply to entertainment…
2659. Beause only in Bagram does an ANA Soldier have a clearance higher than mine.
2663. Because even Bagram has trailer park trash Thanks big haired lady who sits on stoop in dragon everynight, while talking on the phone, wearing a robe, drinking pop, and smoking cigarettes.
2664. Beard Nets
2665. because the civilians outnumber the military here 3 to 1...this must be the new and improved welfare system.
2669. Because the Main PX has an "Adult Reading Material" censor on the magazine rack, yet the only people that I've seen under 18 are outside the wire flipping me off as I drive by.
2671. Because I didn't realize there were private showers on BAF Sorry BlackJack shower guy, I could see how disgusted you were when you kindly moved your stuff to share 1/16 if the bench and 1 of the 8 clothes hooks with me I've made PCS moves with less stuff than you bring to the shower...
2672. When its windy outside, the Chow Hall guys wear trashbags for jackets.
2673. Because I saw a haji wearing a T-shirt that read, "corporate pizza sucks!" Way to stick it to the man!
2674. Because I have seen almost no bugs at all I think even they know that this place sucks.
2675. Because of proof that we're winning...a local national Cordova worker just asked me "what up my bitches?" as he walked by in his high-water red pajamas.
2676. Because the soldier whose only job this deployment was delivering the newspaper to the DFAC just received a Bronze Star.
2679. because the salmon tastes like tuna and looks like pork chops
2682. Thanks to the NJ Army National Guard, the Afghan locals that work on base fist pump on que.
2685. because only on BAF will you see a green Santa Claus and 3 penguins in the DFAC.
2692. because they seriously expect the DFAC hajis to enforce the two drink maximum when I'm the one with the assault rifle???
2694. Because I love taking a hot shower and walking 15 feet in the snow to my B Hut.
2696. Because where else can you see a sign saying “Don’t feed the local nationals over the fence”
2699. Where else can your dumb friends got to a bizarre and hand Haji John $2300 cash (American) for a "black diamond" only to get it appraised in the states for $600
2700. because my New Years resolution is to find a female who doesn't expend all her energy during sex trying to blow that annoying whistle in my ear!
2701. ANA Soldier of the week...like winning a gold medal in the special olympics
2702. Because I can watch movies all day long and call it work.
2705. With all of the Indians here, who is running the 7-11's?
2706. Riding the bus around base perimeter for something to do
2708. Because the Nativity Scene Angel in the Yelner DFAC was stacked.
2709. because for xmas we were going to give the female gate guard at our entrance a rape whistle .with no ball inside
2719. For getting hazardous duty pay while shoveling snow on the flightline.
2721. The only time I wore my ACH was to drive a gator to the post office.
2728. ILB because apparently the Army has sent all their lesbian Soldiers to this FOB.
2731. ILB because the SOP is up to interpretation by whoever is senior in charge that day
2732. Because the CAC office told me it'd be a 45 minute wait even though there were 3 of them and only 2 customers When I finally got in they were all watching the Matrix...
2735. Because it takes 15 hrs to download a 30 min tv show....and it's worth it.
2737. Because for a small fortune I can get internet that works every time......40 percent of the time.
2739. ILB because i accidentally opened a unlocked LN porter shitter and actually witnessed a LN squatting to drop a duece It then made me curious if i could do it and my legs fell asleep half way
2742. ummm.. ive been here too long, Ellen is a Bagram 6 FML
2743. Because we are having less power outages then Candlestick park during MNF!!
2755. Because there have been multiple spottings of a little soldier as tall as her weapon....the elusive pygmy soldier.
2759. It has a lower homicide rate than Detroit and Flint MI.
2763. Because within 15 seconds of meeting a Haji, you qualify as a best friend and get offered "discounts" that no one else has Only for you, my friend, just you
2765. Because I deployed to Bagram and my sister went to college in Baltimore.. which one of us gets the Combat Patch?
2767. I love Bagram because of the idiots in the self service food line who just has to get the "right" amount of food while we are all waiting, like that extra 1/8 spoon of beans just made your meal,
2771. ILB I never thought I would see crossing guards in a war zone Too many contractors ya think!!
2772. Because the only thing left to fully garrisonize Bagram would be Reveille and Taps, but they can't do it because it would interfere with the Calls to Prayer.
2773. mini marshmallows on the salad bar
2781. ILB because only on the JOC compound snowmen have to wear eye pro.......
2789. When you call the help desk because you have no heat, they tell you turn on the AC that will fix it.
2791. watching people use tongs to pick up unpeeled bananas in the dfac
2799. Bagram, like a gang, the only way you can leave is if you die or get pregnant.
2801. Because seeing someone with a blue leg implies they tried to shit like an LN but failed horribly.
2811. Because Spock would blow a sprocket trying to find anything logical here!
2812. because Feb 2 means nothing since everyday here is groundhog day
2814. because the skittles password no longer works at the spa.
2818. bc the new guys coming in wearing their eye pro and reflective belts are like our bagram freshman.
2823. Because I now suffer from Postal Traumatic Stress Disorder
2824. AFN Superbowl Commercials ftw.
2845. @2843 Jody would rather you be here also.
2850. Because I literally just walked past 4 CSMs debating the strategy behind choosing the best corner to stand on to make their "on the spot" corrections.
2855. Because Assghanistan is actually another planet's Hell!
2857. Because the irony of a "conserve water" sign when the shower head puts out 20 GPM.
2860. because i have to log onto cnn.com to find out whats going on outside the gate
2867. ILG because despite my TS-SCI clearance, any girl on Bagram can get on the SF compound easier than I can!
2873. because you have less repercussions peeing on a dead Afghan than you do burning a book!
2874. at least it makes Lent easy...I am giving up alcohol and sex.
2879. ILB because between the water shortage, AAFES blockade and lack of showers/latrines; New Orleans is planning to send us FEMA aid.
2880. because 5 days without running water for a shower and it still smells better without all the locals around here!
2884. First, no alcohol, no sex, no porn and now no showers The transformation is complete; I'm now a hajji...
2885. Because of the water being shut off at the JOC latrines and the doors not being locked, I now know what a quadruple drydock looks like Thanks.
2898. because the harley-davidson dealer thinks starting up their display bike will cause me to forget anything that matters and I'll sign on the dotted line.
2899. because I found the answer to a really old question here Do they serve beer in hell? Why no, no they do not
2900. ILB because Dell tech support is a local call...
2902. ILB because I've never showered by headlamp before.
2909. ILB...because we had Avalanche training today...
2911. because I am so sexually deprived, I sometimes shave one of my legs so that when I go to bed it feels like im sleeping next to a woman.
2912. Just so we're all clear, everyone on Bagram knows that when the doc leaves the room he's just going to check WebMD, right?
2923. Because I just saw an Air Force Captain walking down Disney carrying an M4 with a blank fire adaptor on the muzzle.
2925. Just when the chow was getting good, the chef gets blowed up.
2936. ILB, cuz my exs all live in the states..
2941. The LTC Dr at the hospital didn't seem to find it as humorous as I did, that I drew penises on the ends of all his tongue depressors...
2943. Because over a carefully executed, secretive two days, I was able to read every post at my desk - in the Pentagon.
2947. It doesn't matter how much A-1 Steak Sauce I put on this steak it still taste like I should have gone to college.
2949. Amemnities to include; functional living area (some utilities paid), withing walking distance to gym and massage parler, daily breakfast and lunch beffet, flights rarley available to your least desired destination, local shops for souvenirs and trinkets, local bus route with multiple stops, 4 seasons with an outstanding mountain view!
2952. Because after a year of 5K fun runs, I'll never need to buy another workout shirt ever again!
2959. ILB because i saw an Air Force guy with a sticker on the buttstock of his M-16 that said 'if found call...' with his roshan number.
2963. Because today I saw an Air Force guy holster a stapler on his reflective belt.
2965. The docs at the TMC won't see patients from 1300-1330 because that's when AFN airs Jeopardy.
2967. Because Our CMSGT put up instructions in each shower on how to shower in 3 minutes.
2968. Because the disenfectant at the barbershop is "The #1 Choice of Farmers and Veterinarians"
2969. explosions, and an incoming alarm 10 minutes later
2978. ILB because the best thing to do on my "day off" is to go to work...
2981. I love Bagram because where else can a 55 year old man get the top bunk in a B-hut.
2982. because there is a handicap parking space here...really? Who the heck is being deployed these days?
2983. ILB because of the random explosions that happen and then we hear nothing more about them.
2992. ILB because I can take my boss to breakfast, lunch, and dinner........and I don't even have to pay!!!!
2995. ILB because I cant help but wonder how much money could have been saved on all those "NO PARKING/TOW AWAY ZONE" signs, if they would have just opened the PX parking lot!?
2997. because I found out today at the range why the official Air Force motto "Aim Higher" or the unofficial "No One Comes Close" are so appropriate.
3005. because when my roommate asks me if there was IDF last night and i insist there wasn't she thinks shes going crazy
3007. ILB because I found out why one does not simply walk into Mordor One takes a C-130.
3008. The guys that manscape each other in the bathroom There's nothing quite like walking in on a group of guys shaving each others backs.
3009. because when dumb things happen over here, it always follows up with a briefing that happens to be when i should be sleeping...
3011. Because I saw the guy on the segway this morning It's even equiped with a basket on the front and headlight!!
3012. Watching a line of 10 people at the ATM all watching the guy infront of him fail at getting any money, but yet still trying there luck.
3015. ILB becasue there is a "SAFETY First" sign right by the stop sign blocking my view of oncoming traffic.
3021. ILB because of the 10% disability rumor due to the air quality.
3022. because my 3 minute shower starts when someone walks in.
3025. The morning after the IDF, every person was either right beside it or so brave they slept through it.
3026. because people back home think we never get any candy...I just finished off the last of the Valentine's Day candy...from 2008.
3030. Because there's actually a sign at the salon stating "no happy endings"
3033. ILB because the carefree optimism of the new folks that arrived last month is now firmly replaced by the "Bagram 1000-yard stare".
3034. because your doxy has no chance against Aziz's
3040. I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking Really? I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.
3041. @3038 Don't worry if you wanted a citation, you should've told me Next time I pulled you over, I'll keep it in mind MPs read ILB too you know.
3044. because after an 11 month marathon of watching Dexter, CSI, Law and Order, and Criminal Masterminds I'm pretty sure I could kill you 50 different ways and make it look like an accident.
3054. ILB since I went to salsa night and when I left I felt ashamed that I was earning Combat and Hazard duty pay.
3060. ILB because no one seems to care that SniperHill routes through a Russian telecommunications company.
3061. Because someone actually hired a contractor with an 18" bong tattoo on his arm...
3068. ILB because when i first got here i thought the mountains were a strategic decision for this base to keep the enemy out, but then i realized it was to keep us from getting out.
3082. I love the handicapped parking by the hospital I guess its code for "Air Force Field Grade parking" LOL.
3084. ILB because in one month I've heard the main drag reffered to as Dinsey Road, Disney Drive, and Disney Boulevard Which is it?
3089. ILB because the day shift HVAC guy has a completely different reason than the night shift HVAC guy as to what is wrong with your heater unit...yet neither can fix it.
3091. ILB b/c somehow even the bottled water gives me heartburn...FML
3092. because I decided to face reality today and got really depressed.
3093. because the Air Force has completely given up on shaving.
3094. Thanks Dragon laundry for the extra socks, but where's my underwear? If any one has a good technique for making a loincloth out of a sock please post instructions.
3095. @3094 Just wait until next week, you will get someone else's underwear Problem solved.
3096. Because the story we get about just how we are going to make a graceful exit from this hellhole of a country changes daily.
3097. B/C for some reason, Asian chicks seem get an extra 2 point bonus on the Bagram scale.
3098. because i feel like bubba from forrest gump when i list how many ways fluor has made chicken.
3099. I love our new cross walk by Kolee DFAC thanks for making me walk just a little bit more out of my way.
3100. ILB because people will be become so desperate they will start hitting on the FLUOR employee at the DFAC.
3101. ILB because even though we have vehicles everywhere, the "NO PARKING" signs keep us from putting them anywhere.
3102. Getting ready to rub one out to some of the naked hotties drawn on the bathroom walls only to find out that some douche nozzle had drawn penis's on all of them...
3103. ILB because Grady has decided to make their bacon sushi style Uncooked.
3104. because I got to see the epic fail of 2 treadmills flying off the back of a flat bed on Disney Bouledriveave today
3105. ILB because i got hit in the fucking face by a fox or coyote turd that a bird was carrying.....i got third hand shit on how does that happen?
3106. ILB because not even the DFACs can follow their own menu thats posted on the BAF site
3107. The plot for the movie District 9 must have been from somebody that spent time in BAF.
3108. Finally, a place for Sergeant Majors to spread their wisdom to the masses!
3109. I.L.B because when you show up the mountains are beautiful and the chick are ok, but in no time the mountains are ok and the chick are beautiful.
3110. where else is Red Bull a priceless commodity while you can find emeralds in the road gravel with ease?
3111. Because we are tossing around ideas of how to justify buying $3,000 worth of curtains for our BDE HQ's
3112. B/C the Doc said I'm not the only one who got the clap in the Flour compound!
3113. ILB because even after 6 months here, dudes that came here fat are leaving just as fat.. mind=blown.
3114. I was just informed that some of my posts probably don't make it to this blog because I use too much profanity I just don't see what the f*** the problem is here!
3115. ILB because this is the only place where Afghani's will come to repo your leased unit vehicles
3116. ILB Because Clamshell Gym is a great place to go and see grown Men wearing clothing purchased at Kids R US!!!
3117. At 3084...it's just Disney....plain fucking Disney....are you trying to mail a letter or find the Green Bean on your GPS...WTF?
3118. Anyone see the guy who dresses like a retarded version of Malcolm X in the PAX?
3119. ILB for its ability to instill a sense of safety by placing signs outside my barracks entitled, "Mass Casualty Collection Point"
3120. Because when your here and you find out your marriage is over, it just seems like a fitting place to have it happen.
3121. Cause I got some other dude's underwear back from the laundry and I wear them cause I just don't care anymore.
3122. The highlight of last week: Replacing the creamy middles of several Oreos with Pepsodent and dropping them off in the pilot's lounge at work.
3122. The highlight of last week: Replacing the creamy middles of several Oreos with Pepsodent and dropping them off in the pilot's lounge at work.
3123. ILB because I just read that enlisted military is ranked as the 3rd worst job (Out of 200) Garbage man ranks #159 Now I love this place that much more.
3123. ILB because I just read that enlisted military is ranked as the 3rd worst job (Out of 200) Garbage man ranks #159 Now I love this place that much more.
3124. ILB because I get to see the Egyptian Military, wherein apparently everyone looks like Super Mario
3124. ILB because I get to see the Egyptian Military, wherein apparently everyone looks like Super Mario
3125. Because I had cut through concertina wire to get to billeting from PAX Terminal
3125. Because I had cut through concertina wire to get to billeting from PAX Terminal
3126. ILB, cause sad to say, this place has more things to do than Cannon AFB, New Mexico.
3126. ILB, cause sad to say, this place has more things to do than Cannon AFB, New Mexico.
3127. ILB because when the Britney Spears music video playlist comes on in the DFAC every LN stops working
3127. ILB because when the Britney Spears music video playlist comes on in the DFAC every LN stops working
3128. ILB because I feel much more safe and secure when the transient soft skinned tents are secured with cipher locks.
3128. ILB because I feel much more safe and secure when the transient soft skinned tents are secured with cipher locks.
3129. 3117 Go down by the haji mart on the south end of disney the street sign says Disney Blvd I cant make it up.
3129. 3117 Go down by the haji mart on the south end of disney the street sign says Disney Blvd I cant make it up.
3130. ILB because our unit hold a 100 mile race and CSM doesent allow anyone to wear a hat or boonie cap while running.
3130. ILB because our unit hold a 100 mile race and CSM doesent allow anyone to wear a hat or boonie cap while running.
3131. ilb because most everyone that lives in a BEEHUT but has never heard of the Seabees..
3131. ilb because most everyone that lives in a BEEHUT but has never heard of the Seabees..
3132. Our Major just referred to NIPRNET as FACEBOOKNET.
3132. Our Major just referred to NIPRNET as FACEBOOKNET.
3133. ILB because apparently the Polish military only works for 15 minutes a day the rest is spent in my way at the PX and gym...
3133. ILB because apparently the Polish military only works for 15 minutes a day the rest is spent in my way at the PX and gym...
3134. ILB 3133- If they spend all day in your way at the gym and PX, then you must not spend much time at work either.
3134. ILB 3133- If they spend all day in your way at the gym and PX, then you must not spend much time at work either.
3135. Hey 3126 at least you don't have to face Cannon AFB sober.
3135. Hey 3126 at least you don't have to face Cannon AFB sober.
3136. You know you are under a lot of stress in Bagram when you start getting on your own nerves.
3136. You know you are under a lot of stress in Bagram when you start getting on your own nerves.
3137. ILB because people think the term B-Hut is spelled BEEHUT and references Seabeas as opposed to "Barracks Hut"
3137. ILB because people think the term B-Hut is spelled BEEHUT and references Seabeas as opposed to "Barracks Hut"
3138. ILB because running a full marathon is offered as a activity to battle boredom
3138. ILB because running a full marathon is offered as a activity to battle boredom
3139. because Mustache March is OVER, but these d-bags are still rocking their pedi(file)-staches!
3139. because Mustache March is OVER, but these d-bags are still rocking their pedi(file)-staches!
3140. The MPs must really be involved into finding whoever stole the bridges to the Koehle DFAC, they cordoned off a crime scene and everything.
3140. The MPs must really be involved into finding whoever stole the bridges to the Koehle DFAC, they cordoned off a crime scene and everything.
3141. ->3137 ILB because where else will you find a non-spelling idiot correcting another non-spelling idiot *("Seabees")
3141. ->3137 ILB because where else will you find a non-spelling idiot correcting another non-spelling idiot *("Seabees")
3142. Because after an IDF attack you get everyone's opinion on what really happened followed up by more "safety briefings"
3142. Because after an IDF attack you get everyone's opinion on what really happened followed up by more "safety briefings"
3143. If God/Allah/Buddha ever decides to give the world an enema, He'll have to plug in right here...
3143. If God/Allah/Buddha ever decides to give the world an enema, He'll have to plug in right here...
3144. ILB because of "Spring Clean Up" In this country, that's the ultimate oxymoron.
3144. ILB because of "Spring Clean Up" In this country, that's the ultimate oxymoron.
3145. The sinkhole by the clamshell gym sucking in the bunker Now I'm waiting for the whole FOB to swollow itself.
3145. The sinkhole by the clamshell gym sucking in the bunker Now I'm waiting for the whole FOB to swollow itself.
3146. ILB because now that I've been in the U.S for a year, I miss dollar dvd's
3146. ILB because now that I've been in the U.S for a year, I miss dollar dvd's
3147. ILB because the USPS has a non mailable items list: no human remains Thanks for letting me know cause I was just about to mail some body parts.
3147. ILB because the USPS has a non mailable items list: no human remains Thanks for letting me know cause I was just about to mail some body parts.
3148. ILB cause I saw an AF guy writing names on his bullets with a Sharpie and then reloading them in his magazine I'll be reading about this in Stars and Stipes a month from now!
3148. ILB cause I saw an AF guy writing names on his bullets with a Sharpie and then reloading them in his magazine I'll be reading about this in Stars and Stipes a month from now!
3149. I love giving 'Mr.Burns' arm a workout at the North DFAC every time they have ice cream!
3149. I love giving 'Mr.Burns' arm a workout at the North DFAC every time they have ice cream!
3150. Because my RLB HVAC has only two settings; Satan's lair and Antartica.
3150. Because my RLB HVAC has only two settings; Satan's lair and Antartica.
3151. I Love Bagram because today I saw a MSG wearing a Louis Vuitton shoulder holster for his 9mm.
3151. I Love Bagram because today I saw a MSG wearing a Louis Vuitton shoulder holster for his 9mm.
3152. Even after the bridge at Collie DFAC was removed people still try to walk across the open drainage ditch and occaisionally one falls in and the ones behind still follow like lemmings
3152. Even after the bridge at Collie DFAC was removed people still try to walk across the open drainage ditch and occaisionally one falls in and the ones behind still follow like lemmings
3153. 3146 Dollar DVDs? When were you here OEF 2?
3153. 3146 Dollar DVDs? When were you here OEF 2?
3154. ILB for the whoever calls me from 234 on my cellphone all day and night...
3154. ILB for the whoever calls me from 234 on my cellphone all day and night...
3155. ILB because the Toby Keith USO tour has prompted the marketing geniuses at the BX to display and sell Red Solo Cups...Really? Like we can use them for the intent and purpose he speaks of in the song...Thank you AAFES for yet another reminder why ILB!
3155. ILB because the Toby Keith USO tour has prompted the marketing geniuses at the BX to display and sell Red Solo Cups...Really? Like we can use them for the intent and purpose he speaks of in the song...Thank you AAFES for yet another reminder why ILB!
3156. because in ten years the tourists have driven up the pirate DVD prices to intolerable levels.
3156. because in ten years the tourists have driven up the pirate DVD prices to intolerable levels.
3157. 3084 A boulevard usually has 2 lanes of traffic going in each direction and traffic direction is separated by landscaping (grass, trees, shrubs, flowers, etc.).
3157. 3084 A boulevard usually has 2 lanes of traffic going in each direction and traffic direction is separated by landscaping (grass, trees, shrubs, flowers, etc.).
3158. @3131- BHut stands for Barracks Hut, its a Brittish military term adopted by the US Yes, SEABees did build some of them, but they are not an invention of the NAVY.
3158. @3131- BHut stands for Barracks Hut, its a Brittish military term adopted by the US Yes, SEABees did build some of them, but they are not an invention of the NAVY.
3159. For getting a history lesson on things I could care less about.. like a BHut...
3159. For getting a history lesson on things I could care less about.. like a BHut...
3160. Because I can now sleep better to small arms fire than I can to the sound of rain or ocean waves.
3160. Because I can now sleep better to small arms fire than I can to the sound of rain or ocean waves.
3161. @3158, that's funny, a Brittish General asked me last week why they are calle B-Huts.
3161. @3158, that's funny, a Brittish General asked me last week why they are calle B-Huts.
3162. @3155 Now if only the USO could find someone with a song about tortilla chips to go with that endless supply of salsa at the PX.
3162. @3155 Now if only the USO could find someone with a song about tortilla chips to go with that endless supply of salsa at the PX.
3163. @3161 - Where do you hear small arms fire at night? It must be your neighbor playing Medal of Honor or the rythmical pounding of his fleshlight.
3163. @3161 - Where do you hear small arms fire at night? It must be your neighbor playing Medal of Honor or the rythmical pounding of his fleshlight.
3164. i love bagram because i saw a homeless guy wake up, strech and then leave the rotary pax terminal while i sat and waited to fly space A...wtf!
3164. i love bagram because i saw a homeless guy wake up, strech and then leave the rotary pax terminal while i sat and waited to fly space A...wtf!
3165. when you laugh at @3111 because that packet came across your desk.
3165. when you laugh at @3111 because that packet came across your desk.
3166. @3158 -- SPELL CHECK ALERT: British Not 'Brittish.'
3166. @3158 -- SPELL CHECK ALERT: British Not 'Brittish.'
3167. waiting for the air condition to turn on to mask the sound of you punching the clown
3167. waiting for the air condition to turn on to mask the sound of you punching the clown
3168. doing all the work so your supervisor can get Performer of the month
3168. doing all the work so your supervisor can get Performer of the month
3169. because of the Toby Keith concert...first country concert in which I was sober.
3169. because of the Toby Keith concert...first country concert in which I was sober.
3170. @3161 Aww come on.. say all that with a 'Brittish' accent and it totally sounds right Now quit being a wanker.
3170. @3161 Aww come on.. say all that with a 'Brittish' accent and it totally sounds right Now quit being a wanker.
3171. this place makes Hangover II feel like a walk in the park!
3171. this place makes Hangover II feel like a walk in the park!
3172. It's the only place I can drink the oatmeal and eat the light coffee!
3172. It's the only place I can drink the oatmeal and eat the light coffee!
3173. because I found out on CNN that the president was 10 feet down the hallway
3173. because I found out on CNN that the president was 10 feet down the hallway
3174. ILB because the only time a cute girl talks to me it turns out she works for mental health and thinks I'm in distress.
3174. ILB because the only time a cute girl talks to me it turns out she works for mental health and thinks I'm in distress.
3175. ILB Because more people showed up for the Toby Keith USO show than to see the President of the United States of America
3175. ILB Because more people showed up for the Toby Keith USO show than to see the President of the United States of America
3176. because of the 120 days of wind.
3176. because of the 120 days of wind.
3177. Because this is where the future taxi drivers train.
3177. Because this is where the future taxi drivers train.
3178. because I can't tell if there was incoming IDF or DHL just dropped a container again.
3178. because I can't tell if there was incoming IDF or DHL just dropped a container again.
3179. because i heard a tcn at the bizzare today tell a guy he can get one pair of sunglasses for $10, or two for $25.. very good deal indeed sir!!
3179. because i heard a tcn at the bizzare today tell a guy he can get one pair of sunglasses for $10, or two for $25.. very good deal indeed sir!!
3180. ILB because I was told to create a Sign In Roster to take an annonymous survey.
3180. ILB because I was told to create a Sign In Roster to take an annonymous survey.
3181. I finally get a 6 month break from my spouse.
3181. I finally get a 6 month break from my spouse.
3182. Because we actually pay the locals to fill the cracks in the sidewalk.
3182. Because we actually pay the locals to fill the cracks in the sidewalk.
3183. ILB because the Special Forces look like Amish guys in baseball caps.
3183. ILB because the Special Forces look like Amish guys in baseball caps.
3184. Because today on ILB someone tried to make fun of someone at the bazaar, and spelled it bizarre.
3184. Because today on ILB someone tried to make fun of someone at the bazaar, and spelled it bizarre.
3185. ILB because civilian analysts with beards look like Amish guys with baseball caps on.
3185. ILB because civilian analysts with beards look like Amish guys with baseball caps on.
3186. ILB because of the double stop sign at North DFAC...."what does it mean?"
3186. ILB because of the double stop sign at North DFAC...."what does it mean?"
3187. The AFN hygiene ads tell you to wash your hands for 30 seconds, but the automatic cutoff in the water faucets turns off the water after 5 seconds.
3187. The AFN hygiene ads tell you to wash your hands for 30 seconds, but the automatic cutoff in the water faucets turns off the water after 5 seconds.
3188. because, after being gone 11 months, I still get reports that BAF lodging is STILL a monkey trying to screw a football!
3188. because, after being gone 11 months, I still get reports that BAF lodging is STILL a monkey trying to screw a football!
3189. ILB because I just saw two LN's sleeping on their wheelbarrows and one sitting and picking his nose while the 4th one was working to spread gravel.
3189. ILB because I just saw two LN's sleeping on their wheelbarrows and one sitting and picking his nose while the 4th one was working to spread gravel.
3190. ILB because where else can I get a gun pointed directly at my face while standing in line for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in pretty much every other line with someone wearing a shoulder holster in it..
3190. ILB because where else can I get a gun pointed directly at my face while standing in line for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in pretty much every other line with someone wearing a shoulder holster in it..
3191. ILB because it's clearer outside when it's raining then when it's sunny.
3192. ILB due to the late-night free-roaming packs of LN's.
3193. Because any form of weather other than sunny is enough for AFN in my room to stop working
3194. ILB because I'm contemplating ways to make toilet wine
3195. ILB because Bananas have become a precious commodity here
3196. Because only on Bagram will you find someone in-line skating down Disney at 0530 like he's in Santa Monica.
3197. ILB because I find it hilarious that the ILB site won't post my comment about guys needing the Bagram Scale to measure a girl's looks, but to girls if a guy was ugly in the US, he's still ugly here! This is my third try...
3198. ILB because my MOM thinks I'm in combat...
3199. @3197 Thats because even fat chicks can be picky out here Thought that was common knowledge.
3200. because my arm gets a better workout saluting on Disney than rubbin' one out in my room
3201. With the mountains on all sides of Bagram its like a giant butthole And when your here your prairie dogging for six months to a year till you fall out...
3202. Because of my secret squirrel status I can't even post why ILB.
3203. ILB because I take pictures of the females on the FOB to see how many goats each one is worth with the local villagers...
3204. BC people who are actually secret squirrels (unlike 3202) don't write on ILB
3205. ILB because here, mohawks are the new mullet for contractors.
3206. I love Bagram because going to the ECP 1 Bazaar makes me feel like an extra in a live action version of Aladdin.
3207. ILB because now that 1st CAV is gone i can wear my PTs everywhere again.
3208. ILB because it takes me 30 minutes to get on the LSA because I don't have the "xxx sticker" on the back of my Military ID.. but Local Nationals get on scott free by showing an ID with a picture that looks like ALL OF THEM!
3209. ILB because I can buy a sword and shield but not running shoes.
3210. ilb because when i have my one day off all i have to do is go to cnn.com and see how fucked up my day is going to be thanks to the army.
3211. ILB because you have to wear a reflective belt inside of a gator that has headlights
3212. Because the guy getting roadhead on Disney last night was still a better love story than Twilight.
3213. ILB because the command's idea of upgrading warrior is laying down stones 5x bigger than the last batch.
3214. It's the only place that I've gotten so tired of jerking it I decided to work out instead.
3215. ILB because of the "Wanted for Questioning" posters in Grady DFAC So, what you're saying is that you have no idea who this guy's on-base employer is?!
3216. ILB because it's fun to ask the dudes wearing "Blackwater" hoodies if they're the ones who suck the poo at night.
3217. ILB because I can return here from R&R; and actually get some rest.
3218. The "no standing on toilet seat" sign is written in English.. because people from English speaking nations are totally the ones doing it.
3219. ILB because I actually seen soldiers pulling Latrine Guard Duty and you needed you ID Card to use the latrine, because someone S#!T on the floor in the barracks... PRICELESS
3220. because the pax terminal can lose my bags from the flight that never left the ground
3221. ILB because I was able to balance my checkbook while in theater - Bronze Star.....
3226. ILB because I successfully executed my laundry ops with a 99% return rate - Bronze Star!!
3227. I wear my reflective belt to bed, just in case.
3228. ILB because I can still order "chicken" from a Popeye's that is "Out of Chicken and Fries"
3229. ILB b/c I know the enlisted guy who waits til he’s 1 foot from me before he salutes thinks he’s sticking it to the man
3230. ILB because 90% of my cell phone calls are answered with the greeting "Shemoray eh Shemonda" which translatest to "I got your money and I get to listen to your calls, infidel".
3231. ILB because it's not Iraq, something everyone mentions whenever an idea that was successful in another warzone is brought up.
3232. Because I saw a guy leaving the latrine this morning with a machete Shit just got real.
3233. Because the rookie ass 2ndLT posting @3229 is measuring how far people are from him before they render a salute and is actualy refering to himself as "the man".
3234. I love the toilets in Bagram I mean, think of the engineering thought that was put into them To put the drain hole in the FRONT of the bowl! It's a fairly complex concept, so allow me to explain: You open the see-through curtain to the stall and immediately notice the difference, "Hmm, weird Oh well." You complete your sterilization process and take a seat So far so good
3235. because as a contractor I get paid to be inconvenienced
3236. ILB becasue today in the TOC I heard a CPT say "How can I F&$K this up"
3237. because ILB is now submitting essays way to go #3234 I doubt anyone is ever going to read that K.I.S.S Keep It Simple Stupid
3238. because no one walks on the 1 million dollar side walk
3239. Because I have learned when the vendor tells me “It’s ok, no problem, I will exchange for free” really means I knew it was a jacked up copy when I sold you the DVD.
3240. ILB for the irony of a two hundy + walking down the sidewalk with a filtered mask on Glad to see she is concerned about her health.
3241. ILB because the Firefighter's on this base know every gym location and female on a first name basis
3242. Fucking wind!!!
3243. Today in my favorite port-a-john I noticed that in between a penis drawing, a booger, and a note that said Toby Keith sucks my balls, someone had carved "MT loves GT" Congratulations Romeo and Juliet, your love is obviously eternal...
3244. Two words...Beard Net!
3245. The trafic and drivers remind me of home It's a miniature version of Huntsville Alabama
3246. Because my coworker thinks that showing me the "blue waffle" picture is equivalent to a public service message.
3247. ILB because anyone can do a desk pop However it takes a real "special" person to do a helicopter pop.
3248. ILB because they finally got rid of the crossing guards.
3249. because i officially have nothing left to bitch about
3250. ILB becasue CSM said we cant wear a boonie cap but its on the packing list! WTF!
3251. because this place wasn't enough of a dusty shithole already, now they are cutting down the trees on Disney
3252. For the Taliban inflitration tunnel replacing the trees on Disney.
3253. Today at the bazaar I saw a red-haired girl suck on an Afghan vendors fingers while he hand fed her Chiclets Really awkward What some girls will do for a discount...
3254. Because in all the places in the world I might have; it was BAF that I actually saw fleece lined Crocs.
3255. because I've been hear almost a year and Burger King is still "coming soon"!
3256. Because no matter how hard you try you just can't get up to 20kph on Disney.
3257. ILB because only can a DOD IT office block their own webpage.
3258. Where else can you find a trash can that says "do not eat" "un edible"
3259. ILB because contractors with no shirts look like extras on Game of Thrones.
3260. ILB because giving yourself a brazilian here deserves a CAB!
3261. I love Bagram because an Air Force alternative to saluting is a nod or a "what's up?"
3262. ILB bc it's easier to jump over the ditch on Disney now that the trees are gone!
3263. because I could tell within a second when I was using toilet paper someone sent in a care package
3264. I love Bagram because I just celebrated my one year divorce anniversary...from Bagram.
3265. I love Bagram because I get to see #236 on a regular basis...in real life.
3266. Because you know that feeling after a regrettably bad one night stand? Where you needed it and wanted it but in the morning you are filled with guilt and shame? I have that feeling after every meal I eat at the chow hall here.
3267. it's the only country I've been to where the cleaning people mop the rugs.
3268. because only in bagram can the pax terminal actually have no record of and lose someone who has already manifested on a flight, taken off, and landed at another FOB.
3269. ILB because it smells better than Kandahar.
3270. knowing i only have to be there when i exit country.
3271. because its in afghanistan
3272. War Profiteering
3273. b/c 80% of the females are getting layed while only 5% of the males - and they wonder why most hate the fact women are in the military
3274. Trying to find a shower that drains is like Russian Roulette, but instead of a bullet you get athletes foot.
3275. ILB because the guy that flips burgers loves his job more than anyone else here
3276. ILB because all of Disney is closed to traffic in the mornings for your PT but yet you insist on running on the sideWALK
3277. because you actually smell better before you shower
3278. I love Bagram because they are giving out "battlefield" promotions.
3279. Because it gives my wife the chance to find someone she really loves.
3280. Because I leave the Dragon DFAC smelling like sex panther-100% of the time...
3281. ILB because your mom sends me care packages
3282. Because even in Bagram, Cinco DeMayo is more celebrated then Independence Day 4th of July Love this ******* place.
3283. Because if I drop off laudry, mail a package, and pick up my jewelry order I feel like I've accomplished a lot that day.
3284. Because of the new trend among non tattoed contractors to wear tattoo "sleeves"on their arms to pretend they have tattoos, even when it is 105 outside!
3285. Because it cost me my relationship, which means I bank all my money now Suck it woman!
3286. ILB because my mom shipped my fleshlight with a note saying "Give Em Hell"
3287. because only on AFN will you see a commercial for the Hatfields and McCoys with a WWF clip in the middle of it
3288. UcigqL adirdatacdec, [url=http://yrlfxtsvtydu.com/]yrlfxtsvtydu[/url], [link=http://tsxfqjuuwrwd.com/]tsxfqjuuwrwd[/link], http://iuwmqwqgvymr.com/
3289. because being in a perpetual state of having a dick up my ass wasn't enough, i am now at bagram.
3290. I love Bagram because everyone else has managed to get laid, except me.
3291. ILB because of all the vaseline and sanitary hand wips in care packages.. what do people think were here to do?
3292. Because one of the Generals left their 2ply in the JOC bathroom!
3293. ILB Because today I saw a local in a 1977 LED ZEPPELIN tour shirt.
3294. @3286: ILB because your mom sent me a fleshlight and a message that says " With love, your favorite MILF"
3295. ILB because masturbation has now become a chore...
3296. ILB bc my two hobbies are saluting people and collecting Gatorade.
3297. ...because only here, is it possible to count your blessings all of them.
3298. ILB because some smart guy thought it'd be funny to put all the food on one side of Disney and the sidewalk on the other...
3299. ILB because watching the postal inspector guy pull a vibrator out of a female's rhino box during inspection is epicness of the highest caliber.
3300. Because my lungs actually feel better after I smoke a cigarette.
3301. ILB because the guy who serves pizza in the middle of Keohle thinks he works at a Japanese Steak house
3302. Because my lead getting the van cleaned allowed me to create a new word hajitized!
3303. Just added one more likeable thing to my list.. earthquakes!
3304. because EVERYONE is issued a weapon Worst idea ever.
3305. I love bagram cuz finding a hot shower is like finding a unicorn fucking bigfoot!
3306. ILB because in the same breath I hear my military friends complain about contractors and then ask me if I can submit a resume for them.
3307. when the mailroom lady tells me I have an oversize package.
3308. i will never consider Bagram a Garrison, until we have a Class 6.
3309. ILB because the MPs use their blue lights to go around traffic to get to the chow hall first.
3310. ILB because you learn to appreciate the smell of port-o-johns in America
3311. It's more like a prison here everyday, skyping is like talking to a visitor through the glass.
3312. Because the guy who serves pizza at Koele is SO DAMN HAPPY, I walk away feeling happy too.
3313. because when my boss went on R&R; and I had to cover down on all of his duties.. I found out he does nothing.
3314. ILB because it usually takes me 4-5 days of bag drags to get a 10 minute flight to Kabul
3315. Because I found out what Santa does the other 364 days of the year. morning runs down Disney in spandex pants.
3316. ILB because I see no fresh pineapple in the dfac salad bar but dozens of pineapple tops being used as decorations
3317. because SniperHill graciously lets us know our internet will be down...after the internet goes down That's customer service!
3318. ILB because I'm pretty sure I've eaten my body weight in dust.
3319. ILB because deploying with doctors out here has made me realize how little my wife actually bitched.
3320. ILB because it makes Joint Base Balad look like Disneyland.
3321. ILB becouse the wind smokes my cigarettes for me.
3322. When you tell your friends and co-workers that you have been constipated for weeks and they give you immodium.
3322. When you tell your friends and co-workers that you have been constipated for weeks and they give you immodium.
3323. ILB because the security guy who checks my CAC and LOA can't get a CAC or LOA.
3323. ILB because the security guy who checks my CAC and LOA can't get a CAC or LOA.
3324. Because being out here has helped me realize just how much of an a**hole I really am to other people
3324. Because being out here has helped me realize just how much of an a**hole I really am to other people
3325. ILB because there are no happy endings....
3325. ILB because there are no happy endings....
3326. because someone put exit signs in the portajohns
3327. ILB because it reminds you of a map on call of duty except without the glitches and noob tubing..
3328. ILB Because every piece of lettuce looks like a burned treasure map.
3329. because the first words of advice I got after arriving was "Get used to shitting here"
3330. ILB Because it is Monday and no one is making me wear my blues.
3331. ILB BECAUSE OF THE ROLLING BLACK OUTS
3332. ILB because if i died and went to hell i would'nt know i was there for at least a week.
3333. ILB because walking down Disney at dusk reminds me of Night of the Living Dead...
3334. Because i use other people's post from here to motivate the aircrew i brief daily
3335. I love Bagram because apparently Mustache March is every month now.
3336. Because the person that posts the reason of the week must be a Fluor employee, because who else would take four months to do something so simple.
3337. because "blue waffle" pictures arent blocked on governemtn computers but the victoria's secret website is
3338. I laughed my ass off as I watched 4 LN's fighting over a fleshlight out of the dumpster Hours later, sitting alone and bored in my room, I realize I should have been fighting for it as well.....
3339. I love Bagram because it gives my girlfriend the opportunity to find a man that she can tolerate.
3340. ILB because we now have an "Adopt-A-Road" program for units to "proudly" claim a strecth of Disney or some other road complete with signs with unit ID.
3341. I just want to say thanks to D'Aziz restaurant, since eating there I have lost 5lbs by pissing out my ass for the last 3 days.
3342. I love Bagram because a guy wrote "fuck what anyone says, I miss my girl" in a shitter and expected no one to comment.
3343. ILB b/c in the spirit of the Olympics we now have the Koehle hurdle.
3344. ILB...Because it is GREAT training for when we have to live in a primitive state when our government finally succeeds in our epic failure at home Thanks to Bagram I will survive.
3345. ILBB "This is what it looks like when God takes a dump."
3346. ILB because they took away my last reason to come to work when they blocked YouTube...
3347. ILB because I now know what a 10 month long hangover feels like...
3348. Bagram = Hunger Games.
3349. ILBB i just found an ancient ruin! No, wait, that's my B-hut.
3350. because you dont need a airfield badge to get on it as long as you carry a guidon
3351. ILB because my chain of command is never wrong
3352. I love Bagram because our bathroom has a hand-held shower; it's the girl version of the infamous flesh-light 😉
3353. I Love Bagram because the DFAC had better food when the border to Pakistan was closed.
3354. because according to the screen-saver propaganda all animals have rabies and facebook will kill a small girls father / sink ships simultaneously
3355. ILB because the new grey water truck are the old black water truck...and I don't care.
3356. ILB because google keeps thinking I speak pashto.
3357. ILBB because if staring at dudes was an olympic event, the LNs would win gold
3358. Because the photos from the new Mars rover could've been taken from outside the wire.
3359. ILB because it isn't a ten month hangover, it's a 12 month walk of shame.
3360. Because all the medicine was fully stocked at the PX but there was only one pregnancy test left.
3361. @3360, that's because all the condoms are sold out.
3362. ILB because every fat chick that dyes her hair red thinks she is the new #236.
3363. ILBB I just saw a local fueler in a t-shirt that said "We'll keep pumping as long as you keep coming" at Grady DFAC.
3364. ILB because my fleshlight has the same instructions as my shredder; oil prior to use and every 10 minutes during use.
3365. Because "amazingsixpackabs" has more graffiti in the shitters than Chuck Norris does
3366. ILB because while sitting in the bunker during the IDF impact siren someone mentioned how they never get published on here Soldiers have important priorities.
3367. Because they cook the hamburgers to tender, juicy, succulent perfection....and then leave them on the grill for another 45 minutes.
3368. Cause my company says we have to travel in pairs due to the high amount of sexual assaults.. So we are good until the rapist develop a buddy system.
3369. ILLB because of the huge, daily Toga party at ECP 1.
3370. The best part of our exit strategy? Build more stuff for archeologists of the future to comb through.
3371. Why not dump a million dollars of water on six dollars worth of crap on fire?
3372. ILB because its safe to pick up hitch hikers toting weapons.
3373. ILB because even on my day off from 14 hour days I still end up at work because its the most fun thing to do
3374. ILB because the shower at Infantry Village has a brand new "pull" handle on the "push" side of the door.
3375. Because at 15mph, I still get road rage!
3376. Because only here will you hear a ground attack followed by loud music coming from the MWR in the same night
3377. because the tree on Disney took a direct hit and survived, but couldn't be spared by the "big Dig" $100 says we still flood this winter
3378. ILB because Freedom Radio just compared Manas to San Diego False.
3379. ILB because hard drives are hoared out more than the hookers in Vegas
3380. the olives don't have any pimentos
3381. Because I think the laundry guys used my clothes to clean up a crime scene...
3382. I love Bagram, because everything is an issue!
3383. because half the time every main course meal option in Koehle only has the "red choice" food card option.
3384. ILB because the extremely loud loudspeakers startle you more than the "controlled det" would.
3385. I love Bagram because even my boss has accepted that it doesn't matter when I go into work.
3386. the "Vote for Pedro" bus
3387. ILB -Because the Post Office lady says I can't send slingshots home to my boys because they're weapons, but the switch blades are OK, if I send them registered mail Cash only Please.
3388. because the rock fitness center has over 1,000 waters in the fridge and every single one is the temperature of a freshly used suppository.
3389. because the lapus they sell is actually fossilized port-a-john fluid.
3390. Because scoring a dime bag of crack is EASIER, than scoring a ripe banana at the DFAC!
3391. I love Bagram because everytime I go to midnight chow, the guys making the grilled-cheese sandwiches always wink at me I guess six-foot three-inch tall black guys are an exotic commodity for them.
3392. Because I just spoke to a millionaire contractor that lives with 10 other guys in a tent like a homeless shelter.
3393. #236 is The Great White Buffalo.
3394. because we watch movies like Shawshank Redemption and The Last Castle for inspiration Maybe someday we, too, can tunnel out..
3395. The Ambien Challenge: Taking 2 Ambien and trying to finish jerking off before passing out.
3396. Because going to the PAX terminal is like Hotel California: You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!
3397. because the US pull out plan is about as successful as mine was in the old tower in 2005 and like me they will be paying for it for 18 years
3398. ILB because each time I walk into the Post Office with my weapon, I'm committing a felony .and getting away with it!!!!
3399. becuase even the flies are smart enough not to hang around here.
3400. because the food is stronger than the plasticware.
3401. ILB because at the DFAC Teriyaki sauce is classified as "High Performance Food".
3402. because all the clothing in the exchanges are sized for contractors and Navy girls.
3403. ILB because this is the only place on the planet where Jordache is still popular
3404. ILB because I actually found a use for google canada.
3405. because on any random night you can hear DHL karyioki night and it's always the same...strangled cat.
3406. My virginity somehow came back...
3407. Because the only real difference between grey and black water is the color of the truck
3408. I figured out a new way to starch my socks
3409. Because of that one guy who decides it's ok to walk to the showers completely naked while the towel is draped casually over his shoulder
3410. ILB because @3366 actually takes cover during IDF I didn't realize people really did that.
3411. Soft core morale drive porn
3412. I used to make fun of people who use facebook as much as I do
3413. Because the loaded spinach salad at Grady contains no spinach.
3414. because it has single-handedly increased manual transmission sales.
3415. ILB because it taught me to appreciate anywhere else.
3416. ILB because if you follow the signs, you will never reach the RPAT yard
3417. after countless meals at Grady DFAC, I still don't know what an "action salad" is
3418. because there was an extra spoon in my utensil packet..WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
3419. ILB because every morning when I come to my office I am reminded that puppies will kill you.
3420. Because i sign up for a 5mile run in hopes of running behind a cute girl and get boxed in by overweight airforce guys
3421. ILB because when the sand bags fall off the bunkers no one puts them back They just park on top of them now.
3422. Because the T-Shirt they made for the 5-mile run was so lame, I decided to sleep all day instead.
3423. Because my roommates decided to tell me their entire masturbatory history for no reason
3424. ILB because I'm part of the TEXAS FLYING CLUB!
3425. ILB because everything here was designed by and for someone that will never exceed 5 feet tall and 105 pounds.
3426. ILB because it's the only place you can get a European STD and an Asia foot fungis.
3427. ILB because they will cut down half the trees on the base to install an over size drainage system that will be dry 10 months out of the year.
3428. ILB because I saw 3 grown men with machine guns on their backs get reprimanded for not looking both ways before crossing the street.
3429. ILB Because 3427 is a tree hugger Take a look around you man, we burn raw trash and dump millions of gallons of jet fuel into the atmosphere in the form of exhaust gas all right here at lovely Bagram So fuck your trees.
3430. Bagram Protip: Put toilet paper in your piss bottle to act as a "silencer".
3431. Because trying to walk through Koehle DFAC at lunch is like an orgy....when you see an opening go for it!
3432. ILB because when I take things to the burn pit I swear I can taste cancer...
3433. Because out of bordome after chow tonight I found out the flashing speed limit sign goes to at least 59...new goal as well as old goal.. 69
3434. There's an old saying: There's no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza I think that theory has been disproven on both counts right here at BAF...
3435. Because when I tell grandpa my stories from the suck, he and his VFW buddies laugh at me and my bitching.
3436. ILB because even after serving in numerous combat zones I have had more guns pointed at me in the Bagram DFACs.
3437. Because I just got told by a Sgt Major he was going to talk to my Sgt Major and all i could do is chuckle because im airforce...when you find one Sgt let me know 🙂
3438. ILB because it should be the 8th wonder of the world How we could occupy a space for over a decade and it remain such a shit hole is beyond comprehension.
3439. Bagram Air Field it's not what right looks like.
3440. Because all the trash lying around actually adds beauty to this shit hole.
3441. ILB because the person guarding the gym is on a sneaker waiver
3442. because if you dont wear your refletive belt the terroist win
3443. The war must be over! We were just told today that there is now a 44 passenger bus patrolling BAF picking up uniform violators using headphones, not wearing eye-pro, etc If we spent as much effort harassing the Taliban as we inflict on ourselves, this thing would be over by now...
3444. ILB because I was just informed I lost "street cred" on Disney for wearing a gay hat.
3445. first place I've been where it makes more sense to wash your hands before you use the latrine than after.
3446. Because when I go home on vacation, I try to limit the total time spent complaining about Bagram to less than 6 hours.
3447. Because today one of our Navy guys said, "My wife tried to teach me how to drive a manual, and that didn't even work out".. Man card REVOKED!
3448. American Buffets: All you can eat BAF DFAC Buffets: All you can keep down.
3449. The lab witches think they are 10's yet no man comes near them because they don't change their underwear for 3 days.
3450. Becasue I realize now, ther is a place year round, that is worse than Minot AFB in the winter.
3451. ILB because dead birds are as common as rocks and this is the only place that that's ok.
3452. because corruption in my office is more rampant than afghanistan in its entirety.
3453. Because 3449 actually thinks guys care about female hygiene in a war zone
3454. ILB because it is the perfect place to help make guard and reservist officers feel like they are important.
3455. Bagram walk of shame: Fall asleep looking at fat girl porn in your roommates bunk while he is on R&R.; Wake up in a strange bed staring at a fat chick.
3456. ILB because we are warned that lightning is 5 nautical miles away..Are we at sea and I missed something??
3457. Reading all the comments about the PAX terminal and smiling knowing I fly Aerotech.
3458. Listening to soldiers refer to the guy administering the urinalysis as the "meat gazer" I fucking hate that term.
3459. What happens in Bagram does not stay in Bagram.
3460. ILB because I get to laugh at my replacements pissed off email from my couch at home.
3461. ILB because the asshole who has worked in the building next door for the last 6 months still wants to see makes me dig out my flighline badge while carrying 3 trays from the DFAC.
3462. Because I can now relate to my Uncle that doesn't talk about the war he was in the difference is; he could drink and get laid.
3463. ILB because I'm in Australia listening to Aussies talk shit about Bagram
3464. because the Air Force SF guys try to impress the hot chicks at the yoga and abs classes and quit halfway through.
3465. Because those stoopid IED jammers in the trucks driving by always screw up AFN when I'm trying to watch X-Factor...
3466. They have gravy in the lunch line but nothing to actually put the gravy on....
3467. ILB because the arrival of the Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders just crushed the souls of every Desert Queen on base.
3468. I am convinced they wear our laundry on loan When the sock that came up short last time, showed up this time.
3469. because getting a CAC card from the US Army has made me appreciate the efficiency of DMV offices stateside.
3470. Yes, the cheerleaders are here, but I'm not a hater All they do is increase the number of desperate horny guys We'll still be here after the pretty girls are gone; you'll come see us 🙂
3471. Because one month into this deployment your pissed because no matter how many times you erase/scratch out "gutpunchcums" M2M add in the porta-potties, it always shows back up the next day 6 months in your pissed hes not emailing me back.
3472. ILB because drinking so much Nyquil has given me a cold
3473. Because all the ITT contractors look like Lil Wayne clones
3474. @ 3464...what hot chicks?
3475. Because anyone going into a porta john with a sharpie is suspect
3476. b/c i think everyone here should watch 'Charlie Wilson's War' @ least once.
3477. ILB because even though i am about to leave I know once i get on the plane some one is going to jump out and say "Gotcha Bitch your not leaving, your never leaving."
3478. ILB because now, instead of getting regular cash from the ATM, you can now be honored to have Afghani Dollars What's the exchange rate again: 50 Afghani to 1 US Dollar? That means an entire pocket full of paper for lapis necklace.
3479. ILB because of the "anti-piracy" warnings on the DVDs at the haji store
3480. ILB because I love the crisp smell of IDF in the morning
3481. Because the look of disgust on the new polish soldier's faces when they saw the "polish sausage" in Koehle(E-coli)dfac was priceless
3482. working the aerostat camera, you see the porta potty hotties give BJs to everyone through FLIR Troop wellfare!
3483. ILB because the constuction workers actually look like they enjoy building what the IDF's are about to knock down
3484. ILB because you can get a purple heart for injuring yourself running to a bunker during IDF.
3485. Yoga won't get you chicks at home--it isn't going to get you chicks here.
3486. Because IBA is used more for weight loss and fitness than it is for protection.
3487. ILB because I lost 150 pounds...her name was Amy
3488. best spotted bumper sticker..s.n.a.b.u.- situation normal, all BAF'd up!
3489. because I met the guy who makes all the styrofoam decorations in the DFAC.
3490. ILB because the hard-boiled eggs separate so easily from their shells.
3491. ILB because Mondays is no saulte day, Tuesday is salute if you want day, Wednesday is wear what you want day, Thursday is watch out for uniform violation bus day, Friday is contractor wanna be day, and the weekend is left to your discretion.
3492. ILB because you know what unit you belong to when you're the only one's required to wear eyepro EVERYWHERE!
3493. ILB because everyone here is your boss.
3494. ILB because the guy who does my laundry also sells Rolex watches.
3495. the good idea fairy strikes again; a haunted house in a war zone where half the people have an M9 and PTSD
3496. Can somebody please explain the whole "Sons of Anarchy" thing here on Bagram? How does a fictitious motorcycle gang relate to jack shit out here?
3497. Because I saw "Jersey Shore Shark Attack" at the Afghani movie store today.
3498. It's the only place women are considered two digit standards..."She's a 74" ...A 7 here and a 4 back home......
3499. ILB because it was the equivalent of hitting the pause button on life for a year...
3500. ILB because the line the LN's form at the toaster in the morning's is better than the Steeler's defensive line.
3501. because you know somethings wrong with you when you dont have a stomach flu
3502. ILB because eating the OVERPRICED pizza-hut pizza here could potentailly kill you
3503. ILB for full battle rattle Mondays!
3504. Because wresteling with your co-workers everyday is the only way to settle dispuetes
3505. Bagram Protip: Don't put pogs in your leather wallet They will leave an impression, and when you go home on leave your wife will demand an explanation.
3506. The sign at AMC restrooms "Please throw your piss bottles in the trash".
3507. Welcome to Bagram,...now lower your expectations.
3508. ILB because I named dropped "Bagram" on facebook, and now my homestation OPSEC guys is after my nuts!
3509. Coming home after shift and finding sawdust all over everything in my B-hut......what is this crap? Oh, it's just bugs eating my room away...no big deal.
3510. The guys who stand around but never dance at Salsa night
3511. Because my BAF cool points go up if I slam weights down at the Clamshell and give everyone a headache.
3512. ILB because there is a sign in some restrooms that reads "Please flush the toilet before depositing paper." What SHOULD we do with it...put it in our pocket?
3513. I can now say "The number you have dialed cannot be reached at the moment," in accent-less Pashto.
3514. ILB Because thats not what right looks like!
3515. ILB because BAF Pizza Hut makes me appreciate Anthony's Pizza...
3516. because i would rather watch people dance at salsa night(which sounds and smells like a pack of hyenas mating) than sit on my own prison like camp
3517. b/c Fluor gts to wear jogging suits to work.
3518. Beard pubes are part of a balanced breakfast.
3519. ILB for all the free girl scout cookies
3520. She might not be the smallest one here...But she's my favorite!
3521. it makes cairo seem like a modern & clean city
3522. because the green bean crew are the best dj's we have here.
3523. ILB because Michelle Obama isn't hovering over the food at the DFAC telling me what I can and can't eat.
3524. ILB because Camp Cunningham has a full-grown man-sized rabbit running around. BAF'd.
3525. because i live in Vegas but had to travel around a world to see my first glory hole.
3526. because you appreciate the guy snoring over the guy making more noise trying to wake him up....
3527. Because when you enter the girls dorm on business the one who lets you in says man in the dorm like she has said it 1000 times that day
3528. A port-a-potty is perferred over your dormitory restrooms.
3529. ILB because the burn pit starts to smell like a good ole barbeque after awhile.
3530. ILB becuase there is a guy with a stereo around his neck walking around so you can remember what country music is
3531. the fact that there are half as many people here as where I am staioned and twice the traffic
3532. ILB because hearing my neighbor Skype his dog is the highlight of my week.
3533. Because the aroma rising from Foot-wash Pond behind the Dragon DFAC kinda reminds me of the hippo cage at the zoo back home
3534. because I'm not sure which is funnier - the fat contractor casually stepping out of his Land Cruiser 30 seconds after the first IDF impact, or everybody ducking when he slammed the door
3535. Because reading the complaint surveys by civilians on the wall of the DFAC by about the shortage of whipped cream and almonds at the ice cream bar makes you realize that you're not really earning your endangerment pay.
3536. Because the open poo-pond in Kandahar made me miss Bagram.
3537. ILB because it's the only place I've ever had a blow job interrupted by a mortar.
3538. ILB because it turns out the ball of dust I've been carrying for 6 months had an M9 in it.
3539. because #3537 thinks telling us about his gay b-hut escapades is somehow making us all jealous....
3540. Because if it got stuck in this place, Honeybadger WOULD care.
3541. ILB because i told a contractor i was "living the dream" now he is trying to sell me a tshirt with that logo on it.
3542. ILB but I hate # 3537 because that douchebag is getting something other than his hand
3543. ILB because I saw an Imperial Stormtrooper, the Easter Bunny and two Disney Princesses on Disney I'm earning my combat pay, I swear!
3544. ILB because someone thought it a great idea to have a haunted house where the patrons are carrying loaded weapons Yea, nothing could possibly go wrong there .
3545. b/c I'm going as a 'Contractor' for Halloween.
3546. ILB because we can land unmanned aircraft but a 5k ends up a mile short
3547. The invasion has begun! I saw an Imperial Stormtrooper driving a contractor truck I new they were minions of the dark side in disguise! I guess that really was Luke Skywalker posing as a garbage collector after all...
3548. ILB because on Disney I saw a horse, a roman citizen in a toga, a catwoman, a pirate, and Ozzy in drag.. then I relized with the last one she wasn't in costume.
3549. @3545 Are you going as the fat redneck or the ghetto thug version of a Fluor employee? Hope you have a lanyard.
3550. Because this place is the PERFECT living country song...I have lost my wife, house, dog and my truck..all while at Bagram.. and in under a year ILB
3551. ILB because it is the only place in the world you can hear the big voice say "incoming IDF. don your reflective belt"
3552. ILB because when you call 911 the cast of the Jersey Shore shows up
3553. ILB because starving seems like a safer alternative than the food
3554. Because this place is the PERFECT living country song...I gained a new girlfriend, used house, dog and beatup truck..all while at Bagram.. and in under a year ILB
3555. YES! Finally, there's a parking spot, Oh, another damn gator...
3556. I would recommend making a “Missed Connections” portion for ILB.com, but it would just be 73 entries of “Girl who was running on Disney Monday morning in the tight green shorts.”
3557. Because my colon is now bipolar.
3558. because there is a reason the clinics stock more Valtrex than Motrin
3559. ILB because i have stock in No Parking Signs and T-Walls
3560. Because their hasn't been a 236 reference in a while
3561. Because I told my grandma about this site so she could get a feel for how life is here.
3562. its the only place, where people use your office as bunker
3563. ILB because I thought the glory hole was a myth until I saw it.. Complete with instructions.
3564. you can see a World Cargo flight act like it's taking off all day long...nice job guys!
3565. Because I finally get to see a plane sit on its ass and not the pilots! Nice job World Airways MD-11 crew!
3566. ILB because of how all the civilian females here try to look like Laura Croft.
3567. Because the only text messages I get are from Roshan, and I cant even text back FML
3568. been here so long the laundry guys know you last 4
3569. ILB because now even the band can tell war stories...
3570. I love Bagram because the guy who details the inside of my truck has gold fronts.
3571. That awkward moment...when you turn the corner from the main line at the Dragon...and realize there was something "better" on the salad bar
3572. because the 1SGT says "there's a BIG problem with people leaving TVs on in the dayrooms"
3573. where else can a contractor go from a 2X to a 4X in 6 months?
3574. ILB because i imagine this is what the world will look like after the zombie apocolypse
3575. because the Laundry Facility LN told me my dirty laundry smells good.
3576. because of the supply guys in the DFAC talking about how they are just like ancient samurai warriors.
3577. ILB because the Koehle pizza guy has more facebook likes than I do, and is more interesting.
3578. Because the Air Force has ROE's for their laundry room, I didnt know laundry rooms needed rules of engagement
3579. ILB because the air taste like cancer.
3580. The Look of Death a DFAC Worker gave to a Contractor who dropped a bunch of cups on the floor and just walked away!
3581. ILB because this is how a typical interview with Flour goes: "So you want to work for Flour? Why should we hire you?" "Because I barely speak any English, I will spend 10-12 hours of the day mailing shit at the post office, taking smoke breaks, and shopping at the BX I will not smile or go the extra mile in any aspect, I will however wear the lanyard you give me.." "Your hired, you start tomorrow."
3582. Because 3577 cost me three hour's productivity at work trying to find the Koehle Pizza guy on facebook so I could like him.
3583. Skateboarders have arrived, yep Saw it today on Disney Drive.
3584. Because in the month of Novemeber, everyone thinks its cool to grow a 1970's snatch a kid off the playground mustache.
3585. because the R.O.T.W went from weekly, to monthly, to yea.. aw fuck it...
3586. Because watching the variety of vehicles come and go from the impound lot is a basewide sport.
3587. because I just watched the gray water truck get hooked up to the potable water line at the DFAC.
3588. b/c if there were a bar in Bagram, a horse would walk into it and the bartender would say..."Hey, why the long face"?
3589. ILB because the pilgrims in the Dragon DFAC are eating applejacks and fanta.
3590. because I saw a convoy of MRAPs with 'Student Driver' placards hanging on the front
3591. only place where a 5k is a 2 miler due to "Force Protection"
3592. Because only here can you see two buses, going in opposite directions, both going "South"
3593. You can see all of the Mr T starter kits walking up and down Disney BLVD.
3594. I love BAF because I eat more grilled cheese sandwhiches than a prisoner.
3595. The sign outside my compound restrooms "No smoking", immediately followed inside by "Please don't throw your cigarette buts in our toilets, we don't shit in your ashtrays".
3596. Because I get to watch the dead cat by my bus stop decompose 42 days and counting now!
3597. Because I get paid for 6 months of rehab about as much as Lindsey Lohan pays for a week of it.
3598. ILB because I don't need a newspaper since I can read the walls while taking a dump
3599. ILB because comments like 3588 somehow make the ILB list...WTF!?
3600. ILB Because it saved my liver, but is killing my lungs
3601. ILB because it's an exciting day when foot powder comes in at the PX.
3602. ILB because "the server is temporarily unable to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit Please try again later."
3603. Because they put transient tents next to three gyms so you can't get any sleep at night.
3604. ILB b/c of the guys in the showers that thinks its okay to pull a "Captain Morgan" stance to dry off.
3605. Freestyle backstabbing is a sport designed to keep us on our toes
3606. Even the chicks....want chicks
3607. ILB because it makes the Victory Base Complex look like Bali
3608. because for some reason, every care package from home has Wet Wipes.
3609. because I find myself speaking broken English when talking to Afghans.
3610. because even after 3 years, people still can't spell the contractor name FLOUR correctly.
3611. ILB because I got a ticket for running with head phones in and as he is writing the ticket 3 more people run by with head phones in
3612. Bagram, were every sock is a happy sock
3613. ILB - because the new parking lot at the PX doesn't drain correctly, which was the same reason they repaved it last time.
3614. ILB because PT tests are important.
3615. I love BAF because uniformed soldiers can eat thirty minutes earlier than all the contractors at lunch Oh, wait a minute Nevermind So much for the one perk the joes had here.
3616. because of all the Air Force guys that have embraced the child toucher 'stache.
3617. ILB because the cheese dip in the PX expired in JUNE and the clerk said that was okay, they got an EXTENSION!
3618. Because someone thinks that a stupid sign will stop me from plugging up the urinals.
3619. When I implement a policy that irritates people enough to put it on ILB.
3620. ILB because when I get billiting housing someone is already in my bed!
3621. ILB because it smells more like dirt after it rains!
3626. ILB Because the crab legs served last night were last January's catch.
3627. because theres actually some jack wagon selling a half gallon of Jim Beam on Nakslist
3628. Bagram is the military's greatest mindgame Being at Bagram actually makes people want to go to the smaller FOBs and COPs Brilliant.
3629. Because it is as windy as planet LV426
3630. ILB because when we get rocketed during the Bieber concert, he'll have more 'street cred' than 50 Cent.
3631. ILB because the internet servers make you get very "creative" to find porn that's viewable....
3632. ILB only at Bagram can you put a fire pit/ring on top of a trailer
3633. ILB because Coast Guardsmen are like unicorns around here!
3634. Because of all the guilt trip emails that you are consuming too much power by using a space heater in your room so that you don't freeze to death in your sleep...
3635. ILB because I thought the full IBA on Christmas was the worst thing that would happen to me all day, until I went to lunch at the SH chow hall and was forced to watch people salsa dancing while I ate.
3636. ILB because the Big Voice is always undermining it's own purpose by constantly crying wolf.
3637. Because I saw Santa and Mrs Claus wearing IBA at the Grady last night
3638. Anyone else have an office pool the bridge will sink?
3639. because unsweetened ice tea is "high performance food"
3640. ILB because nasty, day old, dirty slush actually improves the scenery
3641. ILB because the bagram NAKSLIST is turning in to a bagram hook up site.. 🙂
3642. ILB because guys wear t-shirts in 20 degree weather just to show off their tat-sleeves Good use of your money dude.
3643. Seeing a Maj and MSgt making out behind the hospital and thinking "Well good for them" instead of reporting them.
3644. Because the roads outside the wire seem better than the roads inside the wire.
3645. Seeing a full bird walking down Disney today proudly smoking a cigar!
3646. ILB because the only space heaters they sell are made in China, sold by an Afghani, wired for 220v and jury rigged for 110v, then set in a B-hut made of nice dry wood What can possibly go wrong?
3647. because while taking IDF in the bunkers, some CSM was telling contractors to shutdown their mobile devices As if leaving them on would make the mortars more accurate like connecting to a wifi hotspot.. LMFAO
3648. ILB because it's OK to pick up armed hitchhikers!
3649. ILB because the afghan currency is printed on the same paper they use for TP and is just as useless
3650. ILB because as a reservist, deployment = employment
3651. ILB because this place is like the Special Olympics, everybody gets a medal regardless of how well they performed.
3652. ILB because the highlight of my day is creating rumors at breakfrast.
3653. ILB because as a contractor, deployment=employment.
3654. ILB b/c at 8Ball Raggae Night every guy looks at you like your dancing with their girl......
3655. Because nothing says "good morning" like a blue and yellow ice slick in front of the porta johns.
3656. Becaus nothing clears the sinuses or kills foot fungus like the puddle of strait bleech that is in the hallway after the TCNs clean the bathroom.
3657. ILB b/c as active duty, deployment = downsize = unemployment.
3658. ILB because the North bus driver looks like "Esqueleto" from Nacho Libre
3659. Because the guy next to me won't stop quoting from this website...
3660. Becase when I walk in to a latrine and see piss all over the seat I just go ahead and sit in it because I just don't care anymore.
3661. MRAPs are like Legos for adults “Do you have a welding torch? We can add that to your vehicle, no problem!”
3662. because you have to watch out for speed traps
3663. ILB for golden shower steam facials in the porta potties.
3664. Because it's fun playing the "guessing game" on where I am aimed when peeing in the port-a-jon while wearing my IOTV.
3665. ILB because why wait for big lots when you can buy your defects at the PX for FULL price..YESSS!
3666. ILB because flushing the toilet is considered paying it forward
3667. We're Still here?!?!?
3668. ILB because the portajohns are cleaner than the Vulture restrooms
3669. ILB because the DFACs fruit and vegetables box say "FOR MILITARY OR PRISON USE ONLY"
3670. because I can be Navy, on an airforce base and get an Army achievement medal.Hooah!!!
3671. Because the mud pond in Camp Albert has "No Wake Zone" and "Swim at own risk" signs posted on an RLB.
3672. Because I always thought the massage "code words" were a joke, but 'smooth and easy' really works.
3673. Because I can get my chicken medium rare but not my steak.
3674. ILB because my roommate is simple jack from tropic thunder who continues to talk to me even when I put headphones in FML!
3675. ILB because I can barely hear the giant voice in my B-Hut, but I can hear the guy two rooms down choking the chicken with no problem.
3676. because at Bagram, EVERYONE IS SINGLE!
3677. ILB B/C it is smoother to drive on the shoulder than the pothole roads!
3678. ILB because you require a drivers licence to ride a bike.
3679. ILB because Sergeant Majors think the AF has Sergeant Majors.
3680. b/c getting rid of the soup at the DFAC is now considered a "force reduction measure" You just can't make this shit up!
3681. ILB - Due to current reductions we'll be serving only 3 of the 4 food groups in chow halls, reducing the 3 minute shower to 2.4 minutes, and reducing anything else that make your stay here better 20% less enjoyable.
3682. Getting those random hanging fly traps stuck to me head That shit doesn't wash out EVER!!!
3683. ILB because, even though most of them don't roll out they still tell war stories about IDF.
3684. iLB because the steak and seafood I wouldn't feed my dog at home has become the highlight of my week! bonus? fake beer, too!!
3685. ILB b/c it's the perfect exscape No in-laws, I can have guns & explosive, and they even put a swimming pool and airport in my back yard.
3686. ILB because I now have arthritis in my wrist.
3687. because I love waking up to a wall of black mold every morning..
3688. I love stepping out the door to my lake front property
3689. Because "fixing" the parking lot at the main PX just means they'll close it again in a few weeks...
3690. ILB because "quiet hours are from 2200-0600" means set your alarm for 0400 and bang wall lockers and turn on the lights at 0500...
3691. ILB because I was awaken one morning by the unit I'm embedded with doing PT at 0530, I smiled as I rolled over and went back to sleep!
3692. ILB because the PX sells condoms because "people are going to do it anyways." Why don't we use the same logic for Beer?
3693. ILB because living off Disney is like living in the projects I have a ghetto room, I hear people yelling at each other in a language I don't understand, and the only thing that breaks up the noise of construction are the passing ambulances.
3694. ILB because I spent more time downloading the latest episode of justified today than I did fighting for freedom
3695. @3692 Guessing that's because it's really really hard to contract VDs by drinking beer.
3696. ...because the plastic spoons at the DFACs are sharper than the knives!
3697. ILB because they're closing the best DFAC on base RIP BBQ.
3698. ILB because of the difference in speed that the DFAC workers serve food as opposed to how fast they clear the room during an IDF.
3699. Where moustaches come back in style.
3700. ILB because you can see the air.
3701. ILB b/c everyone froze in the new concrete B-Huts
3702. Because Warrior BBQ DFAC has a trash can with a sign that says "recycle Food Waste"!!!!!!
3703. Because they task you like it's full blown garrison but treat you like you're outside the wire in fox holes.
3704. ilb coz even ma god damn post needs to be approved to be published
3705. @3610 you are not helping the situation
3706. It's only a matter of time before SUPREME and FLUOR are included in the Horse Meat scandal
3707. Because I would rather just hold it than salute the Majors standing by the porta-johns
3708. because of the SF contractor riding a BMX bike with ape hanger handle bars down Disney like he's in a scene from Easy Rider.
3709. ILB because trying to find someone who speaks english in the DFAC is just as futile as findng one in Walmart back home
3710. I love bagram because it's easy to do your taxes
3711. ILB because everyday is Monday
3712. I love bagram because the bugs are almost done eating my ginger bread B-hut
3713. ILB because me the bed and the room i live in are the same length when i lay down
3714. Went to BAF, got a girlfriend and lost my wife, back from BAF, hate my girlfriend and miss my ex-wife.
3715. ILB because when the showers are closed from 0700-0900 for cleaning, it really means they are gonna show up to clean at 0925 when there's a showerroom full of ladies.
3716. ILB bc its a rarity to find a bathroom that doesnt smell like Sasquatch just dumped a load of digested sea creatures in it.
3717. ILBB I get more texts from ROSHAN then anybody else
3718. Bagram could suck the life out of the Fountain of Youth and still crave more.
3719. ILB becaause I saw a pilot put his landing gear down, realize where he was at and kept going.
3720. ILB because the new MPs looking like a cross between Miami Vice and Super Troopers
3721. ILBB of the booming construction industry in the face of a budget sequester No sign of an economic decline here
3722. ILB because I submit about 20 reasons that never get selected and my room mate puts in one about "Sasquatch just dumped a load of digested sea creatures" and gets his only submission selected
3722. ILB because I submit about 20 reasons that never get selected and my room mate puts in one about "Sasquatch just dumped a load of digested sea creatures" and gets his only submission selected
3723. ILB b/c only at Bagram are you going to see a LTC wear PT pants and multicam top.
3723. ILB b/c only at Bagram are you going to see a LTC wear PT pants and multicam top.
3724. ILB b/c every other patient is a 60-year-old contractor with chest pain.
3724. ILB b/c every other patient is a 60-year-old contractor with chest pain.
3725. ILB because even during and IDF attack, you know you aren't going anywhere if they just called "149" and you're #150 for the crappy Pizza Hut pizza
3725. ILB because even during and IDF attack, you know you aren't going anywhere if they just called "149" and you're #150 for the crappy Pizza Hut pizza
3726. My favorite perfume scent is now Febreze.
3727. ILB for the pot holes next to the North DFAC large enough to swallow an MRAP!
3728. ILB because the BX has plenty of lint roller replacements on hand but never never any actual lint rollers.
3729. Because 3 minutes isnt a rule for water conservation its a challange to see how long you can last in the freezing showers.
3730. ILB because after the last rain/snow event there was standing water everywhere, yet the million dollar ditch along Disney was dry.
3731. ILBB there is mroe drama in the hospital than there is on the Bachelor!
3732. ILB because the black water truck guys got tricked when they were told they going to work for Blackwater
3733. ILB because there are directions on how to use the toilets, and people still mess it up
3734. b/c every woman i walk by, I think to myself, how much money would it take for her to....
3735. ILB because you get to work with experts, yet when a problem needs to be solved, those same "experts" are no where to be found.
3736. ILB because the vehicle repairs are held together with 550 cord and duct tape and the roads are like a baja desert race.
3737. ILB because I saw someone on Disney with a blank fring adapter on his weapon.
3738. ILB for the peon who brought a $700.00 mountain bike to Bagram and is trying to sell it on nakslist!
3739. ILB Because common sense and basic spelling is a rarity.
3740. ILB because you get 10% disability for just coming here
3741. Because letting it slip that you have access to private showers is the BAF version of driving an Italian sports car and buying rounds of Champagne in a night club.
3742. Because the job im doing im told by my leadership is so important yet the people that are getting in trouble have to do my job as extra duty!! FML
3743. ILB because they actually had to put up 'No Passing' signs along Disney.
3744. ILB cause you have a better chance getting a ride while hitch hiking in South Chicago than Bagram.
3745. ILB because I heard O'Douls was going to sponsor the blimp.
3746. ILB...because this is the only Air Force deployment I've been on where there is no Swimming Pool.
3747. ILB cause the Air Force hasn't found our pool yet...
3748. ILB, because I live in a wooden shed I would'nt keep my motorcycle in at home
3749. ILB because when I got hit on in the check-out line at the BX the TSN introduced himself as, "Ramen Like the noodles."
3750. ILB because by the time you're done peeling the hard boiled eggs you're only left with the yolk.
3751. ILB because it's easier to get a STD than it is to get a flight schedule from the PAX terminal.
3752. ILB b/c a SGM wanted to start an investigation over the soap box derby final.
3753. ILB because black mold is a form of interior decoration.
3754. Because I overheard an Army guy tell another Army guy "You'll love the Cornish Hens, they taste better than chicken."
3755. Probability of being hit by an IDF 10% Probability you will get run over by a moving vehicle is 90%.
3756. because when I leave Bagram, I'll need to blow goats at a nickel a herd to get my self respect back...
3757. ILB because I have gotten more massages in a war zone than I have back in the states.
3758. Because my Chief had to get a picture of him in his IBA so he could show his wife how "dangerous" his job is.
3759. ILB because there is someone selling a donkey kong arcade console on nakslist
3760. Because we get to have a meeting before the meeting before the meeting.
3761. because even the folks doing CrossFit in the gym are annoyed by the folks doing CrossFit in the gym
3762. cuz my bad ass john deere gator painted to look like an A-10 isn't authorized on the roads, but nationals semi's decorated by 4 year olds with crayons are.
3763. ILB because you can trash a Toyota Landcruiser in 2 months and go get another no questions asked...cough 13 trillion in debt cough
3764. Because the Warrior DFAC has raisens as an ice cream topping...Who the fuck puts raisens on ice cream?
3765. because I'll be first in line to buy the "Girls of FLUOR" calendars when they come out.
3766. because I heard an Air Force person bitching because she didn't get her day off this week War is hell.
3767. because even the females have awesome mustaches
3768. 3764, who the fuck misspells "raisins"?
3769. HaHa! I know the guy who misspelled "raisins" and he is hilariously irate.
3770. ILB because our replacement unit showed up with their rifles 3 round burst mechanically disabled!
3771. Because getting posted on ILB is much like impact awards, there are no set criteria, some who disserve an award get denied and people get them for some of the dumbest reasons.
3772. because holding hands with fat chicks on Disney is allowed
3773. b/c i feel like im on fear factor everytime i go into the dfac
3774. ILB because it is the only place you offend some one by asking them not to crap on the toilet seats.
3775. ILB because the North Exchange has and overstock of condoms and Polydent, but not one tube of toothpaste.
3776. ILB because someone asked the F-16's to come back, apparently there wasn't enough noise to keep them awake.
3777. ILB because the next time that dude in PT gear asks me to take a survey, I'm gonna kick his ass
3778. Saw "#236 was here" on a shitter in gardez, I guess she FOB hops....
3779. Lightning strikes caused fires last night at BAF This proves that even God hates Bagram!
3780. ILB because #3778 actually thinks that #236 exists in random shitters which she flew to on her unicorn.
3781. ilb because sleeping in the transient tents is like a strip club only no one gets paid.. and smells like the sewer
3782. ILB....said no one today and meant it.
3783. Telling my wife its not worth 90 bucks for crappy sniper hill service is the perfect cover for getting away from listening to her complain about everything that doesnt matter.
3784. ILB because Customs took my cigars even though they came here from the states...retards...
3785. ILB because it's the only place where you see people paying too much to eat pizza every day rather than eating the DFAC swill for free.
3786. ILB because Customs gives out free premium cigars confiscated from people who cannot read!
3787. Because incoming and take shelter = stand outside the bunkers and smoke until all-clear
3788. ILB because I get Sniper Hill outage emails far more frequently than emails from my wife.
3789. ILB because i spend more time communicating with #3788 wife than he does!
3790. ILB because the hardest part of my day is getting the lid on my green bean coffee.
3791. ILB because #3788 seems to be a latrine voyer
3792. b/c I think i bought naked pictures of #3788s wife from #3789
3793. @ #3784, the Customs LTC says if you wanna come back and say that to him, he'd be more than happy to mediate your gooch with his boot...
3794. because I'm a real world 10 and my boyfriend is probably cheating on me with a -2
3795. ILB because customs let me keep my copies of naked photos of 3788's wife
3796. ILBB from the shaking the guy next door in my B-Hut apparently masturbates "Gagnam Style."
3797. ILB because I actually got mad over spilling a Non-Alcoholic beer
3798. ilb b/c i let 3795 keep those photos b/c i thought it was a guy
3799. dear idiot with hot rod flames on your m16 magazine - you are an idiot.
3800. Because #3794 wouldn't have the free time to post if she were anything more then a real world 3
3801. ILB- Maybe Sniper Hill should just contact us when the network is working instead of when the network is or has been down.
3802. ILB because Nyquil is considered a beverage here.
3803. Because i saw i guy with his magazine duct taped into his M-9.
3804. ILB becuase someone has enough time during their deployment to run this website.
3805. life lesson never trade stocks on a sniperhill connection.
3806. I love bagram because even the birds are suicidal.
3807. Because the moths on the brownies at Greenbean in their display aren't a poor attempt at being fancy.
3808. ...........BATMAN .!!!
3809. Guessing the sex of he-she's in Dragon DFAC
3810. ILB because it lets people in the reserves earn more than just a car payment.
3811. Because it's not North Korea.
3812. ILB because of the Asian guy in Sub-zero/Bane blue neoprene dust mask walking down Disney
3813. ILB because not even 10 mins after a Porto John is cleaned. There's enough sh*t in it to fertilize a corn field.
3814. ILB because some jackass decides he needs a car alarm next to an airport where the ground shakes non-stop.
3815. b/c the bald guy in front of me at the px bought 3 bottles of shampoo...
3816. ...because during the last IDF I heard two Army guys arguing about which night SALSA dancing was.
3817. ILB because I witnessed a Soldier address his new PVT as "SNIPERHILL" due to all of the excuses he makes for poor performance.
3818. ILB because the hardest part of this deployment is starting a new roll of toilet paper.
3819. ILB Because I got 20 doxy in my pocket....
3820. I love bagram because I can sing 100 bottles of piss in the trash, 100 bottles of piss, take one out, pass it about,99 bottles of piss in the trash
3821. ILB becuase when I smoke the air is cleaner through the filter on my ciggarette.
3822. ....because harder than starting a roll of toilet paper is getting published on ILB
3823. ILBB even the gay guy in our unit started grading females on the Bagram Curve.
3824. ILBB I overheard a PFC ask a Polish Soldier if they just called Polish Sausage, Sausage in Poland.
3825. Because we have Chow Hall Enforcers who make sure you don't have sunglasses on your head.
3826. ILB because if Sniperhill was a superhero, they would be Acquaman....useless
3827. ILBB are shop is having a compaction on how many times we can get published on ILB and I am in the lead Opp, did I just score another point!?!?!?!?!?
3828. ILB because when I'm walking down the street and salute LTC DH, he stops me for not saying ALL THE WAY “like you mean it”.
3829. ILB "because your not getting sidearms...but you can carry airsoft pistols Their exactly the same"
3830. Because there needs to be some sort of PSA to the women on BAF - "YOU are not special, that natural resource between your legs is in short supply, hence all the extra attention you get here."
3831. because the PAX terminal treats the outbound flight schedule like nuclear launch codes over the phone, but you can still walk in the door with no security and read the times off the wall.. USAF at it's finest.
3832. ILB Because I think the editor published 3827's comment just for all the other shops to clown
3833. ILB because I'm at Captain's Career Course and am so bored that I've fallen in love with ILB again...
3834. ILB because the air force hospital just had a pa announcement "the comedy and magic show will begin in the conference room in 10 mins." Chair force, sorry the war going on outside kept the balloon animal guy from making it on the schedule.
3835. ILB because the DFAC police are more entertaining than the TV blasting AFN
3836. ILB because the Army standards enforcers are always the NCO's who can't meet the standard!
3837. ILB because I really want to know what that chick on eternal DFAC duty did to get demoted to E-1
3838. ILB because the Egyptians have a choice of footwear: New Balance, loafers, or bitch-boots - all for the same uniform.
3839. ILB b/c the DFAC police PEACOCK around when i try to grab more than one drink packet but yet they will come home with a bag full
3840. ILB because they have a E-7 who's full time job is to make sure you don't place sunglasses on top of your head in dragon
3841. 3837, she didn't listen to 3830's PSA.
3842. ILB because there is a fat army specialist standing in the DFAC throughout the day instead of going to the gym
3843. ILB because sniper hill should be a drinking game No connection, DRINK!
3844. ILBB the person or persons that edit this will not post my comments.........you are jerks!
3845. What idiot calls Sunglasses head gear ???? Really. I think we got bigger problems then sunglasses on one's head !!!
3846. ILB because everyone makes fun of the "chair force" but love it even more because #3834 the magician was actually and Army guy 🙂
3847. ILBB all of the people who walk out of the massage parlor with their head downs, in shame.
3848. ILB because now my life is complete...you jerks finally posted one of comments......
3849. ILB because this comment will get published and piss someone off who had a way better one.
3850. b/c the new rotations at the Defac reminds me of 'The Soup Nazi'...NO SOUP FO YOU!
3851. Because the DFAC enforcers can't count how many times I go to the same meal.
3852. ILBB I can enter the DFAC with sunglasses on my head, and get asked to take them off I put the sunglasses on the table, only to be told they need to be on my person I then proceed to put the sunglasses back on the topmost part of my person, only to be told to leave the DFAC and to never return So dissappointed that I need to eat at Subway, Popeyes, and Pizza Hut from now on!
3853. ILBB in the future there will be a lung disease with 25% compensation from the VA called the Bagram lung syndrome Comes from breathing the mold in your B-Hut, the dust during the 120 days of wind, and the smoke from the 300 ton per day open burn pit!! Breath Victoriously, My Friend.
3854. 3 + weeks and the PX still does not have tooth paste, and shaving cream They still have condoms !!!! What idiot is running that outfit........
3855. ILB just because.
3856. ILBB this site should be renamed to "The Life of a Pog"
3857. ILB because it is an Army Airfield that is correctly called Bagram Airfield by the Air Force Web sites but incorrectly called Bagram Air Base by the USO on BAF and most in the Army and Navy!!
3858. ILB because ilovebagram.com is the only remotely entertaining site here that isn't blocked.
3859. ILB because whenever I see a petite, tan shorty in the corner of my eye, I look over and it's an Indian male.
3860. *#3857 , if the army wants to take over maintenance of the air field then we(AF) will gladly leave.
3861. ILBB i got 3 comments approved in one day. Beat that HAHA!!!
3862. ILB becuase we have been issued a hippy to work in our office He already has at tleast two posts on ILB; the hippy is a keeper...
3863. ILBB I saw the upper buttcrack of a girl today and it was the most action i've had in 5 months
3864. ILB because one of the soldiers on DFAC duty told me my LOA had to be on one peice of paper...not 2, but today he'll be a nice guy and let me through.
3865. I love Bagram because I get to work with a real life 9 Going to the DFAC with her is always good for a laugh.
3866. ILB because I got a blowjob driving an MRAP last night Insert what was his name jokes here:_______________
3867. ILBB I'm on my 3rd tour and I finally had to invent Manpons Strong enough for a woman, but made for a man Because "Manpons: You know, for those uncerntain days, when it might be more than just a fart."
3868. Because im not even there yet and i already hate it after reading this list.
3869. Because here on Craig's List you can get anything you want from a X-BOX to a Blow Job ( Check Iraq )
3870. ILB because I spent 5.5 months reading this and finally made my first post (which made it), only to be leaving in 2 weeks...
3871. ILB because the ladies that live in the other half of my b-hut get it in more times in a week than I have in the last year.
3872. ILBB because I was told I need eyepro, an ACH, gloves and a PT belt to drive a gator for safety Put 32 pakistanis can hangout the bed of a truck doing well over the speedlimit on disney
3873. ILBB I just saw a flying pig here! Some GIs have rigged a small flying pig on the front bumper of this white box van that has a motor to flap the wings!!! Truth is Stranger than fiction.
3874. ILB b/c of Bagram Batman.. when do Bagram Joker and Bagram Two Face get here?
3875. Bagram Bane is about to rise You will see him soon thanks to Amazon sending us the mask!
3876. ILB because Bagram leadership has gone full retard!! YOU NEVER GO FULL RETARD!!!
3877. After 15 or so pretty sweet posts submitted you give me nothing Then you have the audacity to post someone's rant about a flying pig? really? Flying pigs UGH Freaking BAF.
3878. Because ilb.com lets me know what my husband is really doing over there.
3879. ILBB of the "Chow Hall Monitors" Like I'm running a scam where I somehow get myself out to this godforsaken country, somehow get on this godforsaken base, and then deviously plan to steal this godforsaken food by shoving it in my disgusting sewer What are they stopping from happening?
3880. ILB b/c CrossFit is a sexual fetish here.
3881. ILB because the worthless E-4 and E-7 at Dragon whose major contribution to the war is telling you not to wear a hat Do so while ironically wearing hats themselves.
3882. ilb because you can receive a purple heart, cab, and positive pregnancy test all in one day.. I've seen it!
3883. ILB.... Because some command retard had Sniper Hhut down ( Yeah like Sniper Hill needs anymore downtime Anyway I just want to thank the smart one that shut down sniper I bet your wondering how I'm on here now......Gotta be smarter then the idiots running the nut house !!
3884. ILB because I can successfully smuggle out 3 items at the DFAC even though the sign says 2 items maximum Breaking the law, breaking the law in Beavis and Butthead voices.
3885. LOL @ 3879: I'm a homeless bum that snuck into Afghanistan, snuck onto Bagram, and now sneak into Dragon three times a day for free grub It's the best I've eaten in 20 years!
3886. ILB because I'm not there anymore and I read this and sometimes wish I were back just to see what the MORALE-a-ban is going to implement next.
3887. ILB everytime i go to warrior DFAC, I get sexually harrassed by a guy with a PEA(sized)COCK I wish I wasnt a contractor and knew what the damn patches were (some kind of tree on his left sleeve) I'd have your ass in front of your commander And for the record, you talk like an idiot and no I don't care you were once a Marine Recon Sniper.
3888. ILB since I smuggled out 18 Rip-It's yesterday and no one even knew Even walked right by the DFAC clowns with pockets full, be diligent in your efforts DFAC Police...your embrassing your country working in there.
3889. ILB because rough sex in BAF leads to the award of a purple heart, cab, and positive pregnancy test all in one day!
3890. Badass Umbrella Corporation Humvee Resident Evil is so becoming here...
3891. Because the clown who wrote 3883 actually thinks his accomplishment to get internet without using sniperhill was something to brag about Loser!
3892. ILB because after sitting through a secret brief, I know that a dipshit I work with will be in the smoke pit talking about everything that was covered in the briefing with everyone that wasn’t in it.
3893. ILB because it is a sobering moment when you realize most of the LN's have better Opsec than most of the people you work with
3894. ILB.com because this site is the gods gospel to the true goings on in this place.
3895. ILB because the insider threat that they talk about here is really your leadership threatening you with ways to make you stay here longer.
3896. ILB b/c while watching ESPN, announcer said a pitcher 'pounded the strike zone' I was reminded of how I am wasting my 20's not having sex.
3897. because the most difficult part of my night is trying to decide if i want to sleep with my beanie on or off and making sure i don't sleep too much at work that i can't sleep when i get home
3898. ILB because I saw the merhcant from the beginning of Aladinn at the LN Bazaar
3899. ILB because the best part about all of these sunglasses in the DEFAC comments is, at some point in time, the DFAC NCIOC had a meeting with his troops telling them we have to win this war on sunglasses on the head.
3900. ILB b/c I told my Mom about the site I was too ashamed to admit to which #'s were mine.
3901. because somehow, some way, ilovebagram.com and facebook are two websites which always seem to survive any and all NIPR troubles...
3902. ILB because it's like molestors mustaches convention .. guys get rid of those or you will never get laid
3903. ILB because of the John Wayne toilet paper, rough, tough, and don't take shit from nobody
3904. Our contractors look more like special forces than our actual special forces...
3905. ILB because of the dude at the Rock gym wears a Bane air filter mask when he works out.
3906. ILB because AFN tells us we are worried about OPSEC but at least half the Afghan population works on Bagram.
3907. Because no matter how you try to vary your diet in the DFAC, you WILL have gas and you WILL shit like your ass is on fire
3908. ILB Because in the end, no one back home will ever believe shit is this messed up....
3909. I love bagram because #3897 refered to the B's as home
3910. ILBB some of those molestors mustaches are on gals (#3902).
3911. Because Bagram is more garrison than a pre 9/11 TRADOC post.
3912. ILB because there are more NO PARKING area's than parking areas.
3913. ILB because ILB.COM now does spell check for all of us Soldiers.. Must be the Air Force running this website!
3914. I love it when you're distracted by a foul smell somewhere in the building, and you go searching for the LN who's not supposed to be in here Instead you find that female in your unit who only showers once a week ew.
3915. Ilb because the captcha for posting this is "jihad".
3916. ILBB if you do organized pt you're probably not important enough to be here.
3917. Because people start resenting that one guy who gets tons of mail
3918. I love Bagram because no matter what you do, beards make you better at your job Period.
3919. I love Bagram because now that Dont Ask Dont Tell has been repealed even the Bagram-wide email notifications have changed Please use rear entrance facing the pink palace
3920. ILB because I'm more worried about parking in a no parking zone than I am about IDF's.
3921. because the internet is guaranteed to crap out right in the middle of something impor.................
3922. .. B/C 405 is the best post on yet ... and all of you will now go look up #405!
3923. Because of Imaginary Lat Syndrome.
3924. ILB, said no one ever.
3925. ILBB #3917 doesn’t realize it’s not that I get a lot of mail; it’s just that I have been deployed long enough to be on Amazon.com’s distro list.
3926. I love Bagram because my flight out of here went to go fuel up and then took off without me Now I am stuck here even longer
3927. ILB because everything opens after i go to work and closes before i get off of work Must be nice to have time to do 5-6 shit and devote half your duty day to sending me annoying emails Get a real job.
3928. ILB because 3922 doesn't know that although most have achieved full apathy, it is only after absolute boredom overcomes apathy will #405 be looked up Can someone re-post #405 so I don't have to look?
3929. ILB because #3922 just made me waste 5 minutes of my day just so I could look up #405 Alright cool! 5 minutes closer to going home!
3930. ILBB #3925 has blown through every bit of money he would have made here ordering things off Amazon
3931. ILB because when you shower here you are walking on someone's dead babies.
3932. WTF is the Bagram batman thats some gay shit.
3933. ILBB @3930 some of us here make your yearly salary every month, dwell on that for a minute.
3934. ILB because Sniper Hill now has a $129 a month internet option that will disappoint and frustrate you even more.
3935. ILBB @3933 You may make alot of money, but you will be paying retirememnt, helth care and benefits for not only me but the rest of my family for the rest of your life And oh yea, I retire next year at the age of 38, How about you?
3936. ILB because the indians and local nationals love to play the staring game just like my 3 year old niece back in the states.
3937. ILB because an E-7 and an E-4 can check people for headgear, but nobody checks for Air Force and contractor personnel just sitting around and taking up chairs after they're done eating, forcing others to eat while standing.
3938. ILB because you can time your bowel movements down to the minute.
3939. ILB because #405 is at http://www.ilovebagram.com/index.php?page=36
3940. ILB because the even though I work in the AC the linguist that works in there got the AC turned off because he was too cold and didn't want to get pneumonia
3941. ILB because the "chair force" are the ones protecting the base and doing dismounted patrols...While the ARMY strong are dealing with LN's stealing some contractor's socks from the laundry
3942. ilb because #3933 is probably that civilian that has more tactical clothing than SF even though he works on the black water trucks
3943. ILBB two weeks prior to a PT test the gym gets over crowded with people that you could have sworn were on Rear Detachment.
3944. @3827 - Thank you for concreting my theorem that most Army Soldiers are fucking illiterate.
3945. ILB because you can't wear your sunglasses on your head at dragon, but the LNs are able to walk out with trays full of food daily.
3946. In Soviet Russia, Bagram loves you!
3947. @3941 It's about time Army got a break,,,want some cheese with that whine?
3948. @3935 - Hey genius, most contractors ARE already military retired and now pull 3 paychecks, we are just ahead of you You mad bro?
3949. ILBB I did my twenty and get the reirement benefits your talking about and make killer money here...gues I am one up on you...oh wait two up on you...I can spell
3950. ILB because what #3941 doesn't realize is that it takes more than a GED and being raised Army stupid to protect an Air Base Let the Air Force do the real work, the Army can continue looking for socks and monitoring the chow hall.
3951. ILBB the North PX hasn't had soap, MALE deodorant, or toilet paper for weeks, but they have 50 boxes of Sol-Glo and about 100 devices to manscape yourself with.
3952. b/c this input is a waste of space and it's pissing off a lot of peeps right now.
3953. b/c happy endings could be thought of at some of these barber shops.
3954. ILBB #3942 is probably one of the DFAC nazis and unaware that some contractors do more work relative to the fight than he ever will
3955. ILB because when your wife was an Army Voice Intercept you looking up Bagram skank #236 won't remain a secret Do you always feel like.. somebody's watching you? Good! because I am- and I'm divorcing your sorry ass! And why would you want a redhead (eww, probably a ginger) over a natural blonde anyway? Wanker.
3956. ILB because everyone glares at civilians assuming we're all evil contractors Some of us aren't, you know (and we probably make less than you).
3957. ILB because I find out more about what's going on in Bagram from Google news, than from actually living here..
3958. ILBB just like any other post board, when you insult someones spelling you're bound to make a spelling mistake yourself Looking @ you 3949
3959. ILB because 3955 is newly single and I have enough balls to ask her out via ILB...Classy I know..but seriously whats up?
3960. the comment below me likes penis
3961. Because i have been ask "Where is your PT belt" more times than "Where is your weapon"
3962. ILB Now, I'll never bitch about how f@$ked up shit was at home.
3963. ILB cause seeing the rash of losers who sport knock-off BEATS by Dre is even more annoying than ppl hu typ lyk dis!
3964. ILBB I never wear a PT belt and no one has ever questioned me on it.
3965. ILBB because the TCNs and LNs take bottles of water into the bathroom stalls to wash their asses with their left hand, even though there is toilet paper available, and then those same TCNs and LNs service meals while holding your tray with that same left hand.
3966. ILB because as an American Citizen contractor I cannot get treated at Craig hospital, but every Afghani with a Hemorrhoid can.
3967. ILB because I saw a soldier in PT gear, in the North DFAC, with his pistol in a drop leg holster hanging from his glow belt.
3968. ILBB nobody at home can understand that icky feeling you get when the blue water splashes back up.
3969. ILBB #3955 is a way bigger turn on than #236 could ever dream of being.... Anyone want a #3955 T shirt?
3970. ILB b/c you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
3971. ILB....to 3966 that's because the current administration cares nothing for you, and wants our country to fail...Look around this base It's a microcosm of what is happening to our nation Yet the people voted shit turd in.
3972. @ 3965.....Blame that on Management both Civilian and Military They can put a stop to it by ordering the bottle "Bath" stopped due to sanitation concerns.
3973. ILB Because I am the asshole in the Helicopter that flys over your Bhut.
3974. Why doesn't the Afghan selling cologne wear his own product?
3975. ILB because it makes me glad to know i am living on camp Sabalu-Harrison versus main BAF
3976. ILB because I cannot sit in the DFAC with a to go plate but I cannot have a to go plate if I am in PTs.
3977. ILB because there is no threat in the gym or the shower because that is the only two places I am not required to carry my weapon
3978. ILB because SIPR access? No problem Use of a NIPR scanner? Not a chance, that shit has to be secure and controlled!
3979. ILB because they brought in the US Navy...600 miles from the nearest ocean...
3980. ILBB @3979 the Coast Guard is here too!
3981. ILBB maybe if I go back in the 1000's and copy and paste a reason that has already been posted I would get on this site as opposed to coming up with something original.
3982. ILB because people are still talking about 236 two and half years later.
3983. Because my unit made us pick Battle Buddies and I got picked last..... Just like in gym class in the 4th grade.
3984. ILBB I never realized there was "the other side of the tracks" until I had to go over to Camp Warrior
3985. ILB b/c of the 101 Sustainment Brigade MSG who filled his cup and drank from it three times at the Koele DFAC - forming a line in the process.
3986. Because you know you have lowered your standards when all you pray for is a bottom bunk bed!
3987. ILB because the Army "chow hall police" are like walmart greeters You can take as many drinks as you want and if they try to stop just look at them and keep walking
3988. B/C if you post this, I'll buy you a meal @ Dragon.
3989. ILB becuase I swear LIL John is a contractor here I think
3990. ILBB a gentleman noticed me struggling to carry my packages to the post office and offered me a lift It was hot They were heavy And I was dumb enough to get in a gator with a stranger .. but I lived to tell about it here
3991. ILB because i can have a refrigerator and a microwave in my RLB, but not a to-go container from the DFAC...
3992. ILB because here at Bagram we give credit when its due 236, take a number i nominate 780 as the new "nasty girl."
3993. this place never ceases to remind me of all the oddities you only see serving overseas, like the "uparmored" golf cart with real working rhino arm and rotating turret from balad....
3994. I have been published on reasons 3x SMBS 1x all I need is a recipe and I will have the first ILB hat trick!
3995. ILBB I watched a guy telling each girl as she left Bagram poof your a 4 again poof your a 4 again... And a LT COL watching started laughing
3996. ILB because if you talk to the right local national in 30 min or less you can have a bottle of captin, a hooker, and a kidney waiting for you in your room
3997. ILBB I gave #3990 a ride and made ILB! Anybody else need a ride to the Post Office?
3998. IL ILB because I've been stateside for 8wks and still check in 3x a week to see all the fun everybody's still having in that sh*thole, if I hadn't been there I would think these were all gross exaggerations, sadly they're not
3999. ILB b/c nothing says "hardcore warrior" like fat sloppy folk with their shoulder holsters on backward for convenience.
4000. Because we had a guy who's sole job was to watch the nipr scanner on nights for about 4 months.
4001. ILB for giving me a baseline for comparing everything else I experience for the rest of my life.
4002. ILB because if this gets published my competition has to do 100 pushups...
4003. ILB because somebody for some reason wont never post my comments..i promise i will be nice
4004. ILB because anyone who walks on the dirt/rocky side of Disney instead of the paved sidewalk is only doing so just to get out of saluting If you're looking for me, that's where you'll find me too.
4005. ILBB for the last 5 months we have been trying to get our fat Warrant Officer Fatter We take turns buying cookies and goodies and have people send them from home He has put on 12 lbs and failed tape WINNING
4006. ILB because I buy a Roshan phone just to chat with friends on the other side of the base!
4007. I love Bagram because every time I go to the gym I feel like I need to get more tattoos.
4008. ILB because of all the retarded rules and regulations here, I now know what it feels like to live under Sharia law.
4009. ILB because if this gets published my competition has to do 1000 pushups...suck it 4002
4010. ILBB if i had a dollar for everytime someone said i looked like Tomb Raider, i could buy my contract out and leave this shit hole -_- Bitches im blonde.
4011. Because while walking along the sidewalk on Disney, a bloke walking faster than everyone else passed by with long brown hair with blonde highlights tied in a pony tail, pink jeans with the legs slightly rolled up, no socks, wearing low topped chucks, and long shirt sleeves slightly rolled up had male soldiers checking him out until they noticed his hairy forearms I unfortunately was the one of first to realize he wasn't
4012. ILBB it went full garrison Never go full garrison.
4013. ILB because they have no problem giving me a gun but i have to blow secdef to get a flightline badge
4014. ILBB I’m halfway through my second tour here and this is the first time I’ve actually looked up this website What the f*ck have I been doing with my life?
4015. b/c somewhere in the hindu kush mountains i just know that a Taliban has boxes of toothpaste, soap and my ankle socks.
4016. @4015....I doubt it The manager of the PX is just too stupid to realize he needs to stop ordering candy, and other shit He needs to order what regular adults use for hygiene I'm hoping he reads this, and gets his act together.
4017. ILB b/c of the old as dirt CW4 spotted at Yelner, he stormed the beaches of Normandy on his first deployment.
4018. ILBB some female aircrew think it’s sexy to wear a push-up holster…you know who you are.
4019. @4010 - Don't even try to be the next 236 We all know you're the obese contractor who eats at Koele Midnight Chow.
4020. ilbb our commander weaseled a way out of bagram on an early flight although he left some people from his unit here that got here at least a week before him good job looking after your troops , oh did i mention that he wore his bronze medal clipped to his collar home ? yeah that happened.
4021. ILB b/c years from now, with my grandson on my knee, I can honestly say I wasn't shoveling shit in Lousiana.
4022. ILBB I've been here long enough to remember #236's first post and still regret not tracking her down...
4023. ILB because every time I walk down Disney I think how this would be the perfect ground for the next "Biggest Loser" Julian, are you reading this?!
4024. ILBB a solid shit is worthy of a high five from your buddies.
4025. ILBB it takes 4 days by rotator to go from Cannon AFB to Bagram...but when you land you are just back where you started
4026. @4020...Welcome to the new military or should I say corporate America The way the forces are run now it's a damn shame Now it's about being PC along with hearts, and mind BS It's all about the "me", and the not for my troops attitude Well I guess that's attitude that is shown from the very top down
4027. I wonder if i could get a full body massage with Pogs?
4028. ILBB I'm convinced the BX is stocked only with the shit all the other BX/PX's couldn't sell at normal bases stateside
4029. ILB because I can find out about more policy changes from the smoke pit than from my chain of command
4030. ILB.....I heard that Pizza Hut was closed down for Ramadan.....Can anybody confirm this ? ?
4031. ILB b/c of that refreshing breeze across your ass when using the port-a-john's on a windy Afghan morning.
4032. because the guy in charge of security at the 401st was banging on the gym door during an IDF attack to get people out Meaning he didn't know the combo to the door, meaning he never worked out..
4033. ILBB of the DFAC Nazi that says you can't eat in the DFAC wearing a combat shirt, even when it's under your body armor Really dude? You can't find some other way to be a dickhead to somebody not in uniform?
4034. I love Bagram because James Bond was briefly detained here in the "The Living Daylights"
4035. The mandatory wear of IBA will continue until morale improves...
4036. ILBB apparently the fat women didn't get the memo about the mandatory wearing of IBA, your no more special than anyone else princess.
4037. because.....well.....actually I don't, I hate it.
4038. ILB I overheard the DFAC Nazi telling someone he was a NUTRITIONIST! With that pot belly?! Really?...
4039. ILB because if your IBA doesn't have pouches issued out of necessity for your job, you’re probably a POG, if it does but you wear a silly mustache you’re a duchy POG.
4040. ILB, because you can get so caught up in texting that you start driving your forklift and run your M-16 over...and not even realizing you did it.
4041. Feeling like a badass not wearing body armor when its required.
4042. ILBB the mandatory IBA wear period was pushed back to 0500 so the higher ups aren't inconvenienced while doing morning PT.
4043. ILB because the Craig hospital won't help a sick or injured US civilian. but they have no problem taking our blood donations
4044. ILB because I put laundry soap in my pockets and my clothes came back smelling like they had been washed!
4045. ILBB because #3990 called me a "gentleman"- obviously he doesn't know me well from our 1 minute ride to the post office....
4046. At the Rock gym the air force guys are in the mirror more than they work out lol.. Then get mad when I ask to use the machine
4047. because sooner or later, the wear of IBAs, IOTVs, plate carriers, etc, will be required for all military attending a stateside school Bagram is simpily a testing ground for this idea's effectivness for practical application
4048. ILBB only here can you feel like a badass when asking for extra bacon on Ramadan
4049. b/c in 10 or 20 year reunions, we will all understand why.
4050. ILB because even though the "no razor bumps" powder is fully in stock at the PX We still have "those" guys running around with no shave chits....
4051. Ilb becouse i love the guy who never post my comments
4052. ILB because the weather forecast is so predicable during Ramadan Mostly sunny, mid 90’s, breezy and a strong change of rockets!
4053. ILB because when I google "Ilovebagram" the related searches on the side of the screen consists of fox news and blue waffles
4054. ILB because I saw #236 and her red hair this morning, going into Koele wearing her IBA but carrying her helmet-- she's BA-AACK!!
4055. ILB because now im in love with comments approver.
4056. ILB because if you do crossfit you immediately become an exercise scientist and a kinesiologist Oh, and a cult-member....
4057. ILB because my most important accomplishment as a contractor, working on Bagram for three years; was to be published on ILB Thank you tax payers...
4058. ILBB you know times are desperate when the PX starts rationing out bars of soap; one per person -_-
4059. ILB because I went to the Warrior Restoration Center and overheard the staff talk about how depressed they are Fml
4060. @4056, unfortunately that isn't just a Bagram phenomenon Crossfit assholes are the norm From a crossfitter, I apologize for all.
4061. ILB because of 6 months of road rage all in the same 9 mile circuit
4062. ILBB my office is still 91 degrees with 2 air conditioners and 3 fans blowing all at once while the bathrooms are as cool and freshing as a mid summers breeze -_-
4063. ILB because SniperHill comes out with a new wi-fi plan over $100 that's supposed to be really fast but it's just as slow as the $60 plan
4064. because forget finding the Coastie's, The ultimate find in BAF Bingo would be finding the admin for this site! HINTS???
4065. regarding #4064 - a WHOIS lookup in google could get you that info.
4066. Ilb because the comment approver is like the bobs from office space...What would you say ya do here???
4067. For anyone needing to send anything out at the post office, go break off a thermometer in your urethra, it will be less painful.
4068. 4066...Ya I’m going to need you to come in on you day off and do inventory...yaaa that would be great...
4069. ILBB Lora Croft is constantly escorted by a red bearded viking and Chck Norris.
4070. ILBB I am the Coastie in Bagaram Bingo....
4071. ILBB #4067 made me squirm with the vivid mental imagery EEEWH that would hurt (not that I know from first hand experience mind you).
4072. ILBB the Coastie resides in the hazmat office.
4073. ILB because I saw a guy puking right outside the DFAC exit doors and thought "yeah that's about right"
4074. ILB because checking for updates on this site takes precedence over checking messages from the family/gilfriend
4075. mvk/been home almost two years and love that everyone still loves this site.thank you all for serving our great country.love the U.S.A.
4076. 236 was spotted on 21 July at 1600 heading south on Disney, looks like she's been hittin' the short order pretty hard these days.
4077. ILBB we want to believe We really want to believe that the DFAC is recycling our aluminum cans and plastic bottles in the separate recycle trash cans But we know there is no way in hell anything gets recycled in Bagram.
4078. ILB because a soldier told me (a contractor) "thank you for all you do" leaving me in a strange state of confusion, cause im still not sure what the hell im doing here.
4079. ILB because a LN told me to smile more.
4080. ILB because they serve crab legs with plasticware!! Who does that??
4081. ILBB...My brother's prison cell is larger than my b-hut room !
4082. ILB...there's a real life 10 here!!!!! Sorry to the 4's that thought they were going to be 10's!
4083. ILB b/c we workout like we're in prison so much it makes me nervous.
4084. We are all staff here, so lets have a staff meeting and discuss it, again.
4085. ILB because the napkins in the utensil packs have been replaced with a white piece of paper, hooray for budget cuts!
4086. ILBB sniper hill high speed is running so slow it can't download the email from them saying how slow their Internet access is.
4087. ILBB the MRAP that slammed into my B-Hut last night came closer to hitting me than any IDF has.
4088. I hate Bagram because we're running out of valid reasons to hate Bagram In this context, love/hate, same difference.
4089. ILBB they check your LOA at the DFAC as if you have a choice in where you're going to eat that day My momma always says, "free food is good food!" She's never been to the Bagram DFACs.
4090. Because T-Pain eats at the Yellner.
4091. Because 10 minutes of my morning getting ready is spent spitting up flem that has built up from the previous day.
4092. Because mountain dew is still not being served at the DFACs, and nobody can give a good reason why.
4093. Because remembering the monthly door combo change is the hardest part of my job, other than showing up.
4094. ILBB Gators need a speedometer, but a Haji can sit on the front of a Teryx crane like Aladdin doing 60kmh and no one bats an eyelash.
4095. Because I spend most of the day building a fence around a building that already has a fence FALCATRAZ!!!
4096. Because my box before shipping was squared and now it's round.
4097. ILB 'cause we get genuine actual gov't cheese here!
4098. ILB #4058 we fly up from KAF to buy bar soap b/c our PX doesn't have it.
4099. Because Nicholas Cage's next clue to finding the national treasure will inevitably include the impossible task of securing a "drive on the flightline" badge.
4100. its full of people who complain about everything just like this website
4101. ILB we can get 1 choice of meat, 2 choices of veggies but 25 choices of desert!
4102. ILB because all we forward to at the end of the day is to spend the countless minutes buffering, to watch Miley Cyrus "twerking".
4103. ILBB this is the only place where people who out of shape can do one session of Crossfit and think they are an "athlete"
4104. ILB - Because even the ILB has run out of fun stuff to report here.
4105. ILBB I have a better chance of getting hit by lightning than IDF yet all the people post of Facebook like it just misses them.
4106. ILBB my new favorite game is to see if I can finish before the all clear is given...
4107. Because I heard this today "Where is the FN I am supposed to be escorting?"
4108. ILB because only here will someone get hit in the eye with a piece of fruit and the kneejerk reaction is for EVERYONE to wear eyepro.
4109. ILBB as we drawdown laundry turn-around days increase
4110. ILBB after trekking over to the east side to purchase World War Z, then wait 45 minutes for for a shitty pizza hut smedium pizza, then fighting the crowd for a shower, i can finally kick back, relax, and pop in my new movie only to see that the disc contained inside is actually a poor copy of Men In Black WTF!
4111. gravel
4112. ILBB the north PX still has small tshirts for sale Because we need that.
4113. ILB because I actually heard myself say "Dude, please don't back the truck into the minefield!"
4114. ILBB the sandwich of the day has become the sandwich of the month
4115. When you look forward to spending a few days at Shank, or Ghazni, then you know you love BAF
4116. ILBB when i brought my own milk to green beans and asked for 3 shots of espresso on ice to make my own latte, he charged me for a full latte instead of 2.35 for 3 shots of espresso....his reason was that even if I had my own milk..it was going to make a latte...
4117. ILBB i finally figured out who runs the ILB site.. Its all those generals in the JOC!!!
4118. ILBB apparently when the gov't shut down, so did this site...
4119. ILBB even yall too lame to update your site lol
4120. ILB Because the shower water smells exactly like port-a-john "water"
4121. ILBB everytime I go to get a haircut, there's always a contractor screwing up the order because he HAS to get his beard trimmed by one of the two Russian guys.
4122. ILBB Because the PX sells fucking Christmas Trees in October Yet, shampoo is still a rumor.
4123. ILB because even Dave Chappelle cant have his comment published, but someone who typed only word "gravel" is on !
4124. ILBB I think our fierce leader has been furloughed Missing the new posts...
4125. I live in Australia,and discovered this site by accident.I have read most of the reasons here Excuse my ignorance,but what exactly do the contractors do?
4126. ILB because despite going through my 100th IDF attack yesterday, my life was most at risk when a UAV almost smashed into my plane at 19,000' and I had to file a hazard report.
4127. @ Aussie 4125: Contractors run this site.
4128. To #4125: Contractors are a mirror image of the military; some are good (go outisde the wire), some are bad (don't go outside the wire but tell everyone they do), and a whole bunch are mediocre (all the fobbits; they often try and make out tlike they're warriors too).
4129. because due to the lack of record keeping by the military, ILoveBagram will be reviewed for historical references by future generations Keep updating for future generations to know the unique curse that is known as Bagram.
4130. Repairing a road here is accomplished by dumping dirt in all of the potholes and turning the once paved road into a filthy, dusty, dirt road.
4131. Because even though I've been gone for a year, when my odometer rolled over to 100,236, a lone redhead with matching curtains and drapes immediately came to mind.
4132. Because the ice cream server at Koehle can serve ice cream, and take out the trash then go right back to serving ice cream, without ever changing gloves.
4133. B/C I'm tempted to buy socks at the Bx for the laundry guys, so mine won't become MIA.
4134. I'm now convinced that this site is run by somebody at the Bagram "Help Desk" since they won't publish any comparisons we make between them and an Afghan.
4135. I'm on my way back from chow and walking past the shit pumpers while they are taking care of business and because the sun is positioned just right I am able to see multinational turds passing through the hose like a long uncoiled intestine This cannot be unseen.
4136. ILBB I have been gone for over a month and only come here to relish in the pain of others, as many before me have done.
4137. I just saw Euro Trash Rambo at the main Px! No Shit, just like the movies!
4138. ILBB I know I'm on an Air force base, but what's with the lingerie stand at the entrance to the BX?!
4139. ILB because its been 3 month since I have escaped and I just found out that my new unit is preparing to head there Woe is me
4140. Because what 4138 doesn't know is that he's actually on an Army base
4141. Because people have the time to train for and run in 10k's, half marathons, full marathons, etcetera.. and still get combat pay or OCONUS contract pay.
4142. Because 4141 doesn't understand that some of us need not train for a 10k and simply consider 10k a normal morning run.
4143. because no shit there i was driving down disney, going the speed limit, when a guy on a bike passed me.. seriously
4144. Because you can get a ticket from the MPs for going 2Km too fast, not wearing a hardhat, reflective belt, or long sleeves, and then the MPs ignore the 6 Afghans speeding on a three-wheeled pickup truck/motorcycle
4145. because when you turn the SCIF into a dance floor and party lighting is unavailable, you use the red, uncleared personal warning beacon.
4146. because I swear I saw Rob Xombie wearing an army uniform in the DFAC
4147. Because you can get a ticket from the MPs for going 2Km too fast, not wearing a hardhat, reflective belt, or long sleeves, and then the MPs ignore the 6 Afghans speeding on a three-wheeled pickup truck/motorcycle
4148. ilbb the MP took my truck and told me start walking
4149. Because I just had my Gator impounded.
4150. ILBB if the the gov't spent as much time harassing the Afghan terrorists as they do jerking around the air passengers and Disney drivers, this war would've been finished 10 years ago...
4151. because idiots post on this website and Nakslist and don't think the Military Police check both for what is happening on BAF They are as bored while inside the wire as we are, but they get to investigate activity!
4152. ILBB NOTHING makes sense in this place NOTHING The PX is closing, we have new roads and the DFAC has every sugary drink you ever wanted, but no milk.
4153. ILBB you can get a free trip to the MXG/CC for not wearing a reflective belt its almost as bad as killing somebody
4154. i heard someone comment that going to the prison was their sancutary.. thats when you know their job sucks.
4155. ILBB I am so bored at work that I actually googled how to kill time in the office, and there is actually a web site named just like that, woohooo
4156. ILBB the soldier at the fuel point refused to fill my vehicle in the Combat Zone because there was a error on the paper work and accused me of creating the documents, so he called the MB good looking out for soldiers buddy
4157. ILB bc only on Bagram will you get pulled over by a MP and get your vehicle towed bc you have a green sticker instead of a Red one!
4158. Because every once in a while someone comments about post #236 like it is even relevant or that person is still on base BTW it's carpet .. not curtains matches the drapes
4159. ilbb now that rainy season has arrived, the huge black storm cloud hanging over BAF isn't just metaphorical.
4160. B/C i want #236 so bad, I'm willing to buy her T-shirt.
4161. ILBB a SSG in my unit seriously pooped his pants at work, and told the entire office, and of course asked for a ride back to the barracks to shower and change Later that day the 1SG came storming in calling him out in front of everybody demanding the 5 W's from the "accident" You can't make this shit up.....
4162. I left Bagram 2 years ago as a soldier and have been in Kabul for almost 2 years as a civilian.....and I still check ILB every few days.
4163. ILBB the LNs clean out bathroom walls and floors with toilet water and then leadership flips out and wonders why everyone is sick and blames it on us.
4164. ILBB you know when you see the toilet seat down.. you know its a warning sign that someones bowels were murdered and the toilet couldnt handle it.
4165. ilbb im from the same unit as 4161, and i know exactly what they're talking about But don't look at me, Im a Specialist!
4166. It his is the only place I actually get p!seed when I find that I bought something 50% off from the PX; because I know it's at least 3 months expired.
4167. ILBB because of the of the hot air force chick who has been coming to the clam shell.. thank you god for the early birthday present...
4168. Because someone just asked me in the shower if I am 236 I am a male.
4169. ILBB because you can say hot Air Force chick and clam in the same sentence.
4170. I love Bagram because of the hot Air Force chick that wears the rainbow PT belt.
4171. ILBB they have limited even more websites from NIPR so when seeing a solution to my computer problem on google, I click it and get blocked So I decide to ignore the problem and come read I love bagram instead.
4172. ILBB b-hut demo is cool until the eviction notice shows up on yours.
4173. I love Bagram because my contract just got cut..They are saying there will be 2 soldiers to perform the job function of 20+ civilians...With most soldiers out here being fresh out of AIT, it will be a total shit storm.
4174. we came to war & garrison broke out
4175. b/c whenever i get a full body massage, it's like a baby's arm holding an apple.
4176. Being a colonel and agreeing with and understanding the majority of this.
4177. being a colonel and having to ask contractors what fluor and other stuff is while laughing at them and asking the bearded comtech if he is Special Ops He says no why and i keep asking and it keeps getting funnier every time
4178. Because this place is the Walmart of the world.
4179. because a Colonel can log on here and enojoy the humor with the rest of us....all Officers should chill out and get a laugh too!
4180. ILB because nothing beats blue water back splash when the temperature is negative OMG its cold!!!
4181. The defective DFAC chair that I sat on combined with the "fail" comments as I picked myself and my food up off the floor.
4182. Urinating with a LN in your periphery who uses the urinal flush water to clean his foreskin post-piss 100% COK.
4183. Showing up at the smoke pit with a dry fapstain on the front of my brown t-shirt.. No one believed that it was toothpaste
4184. ILBB I finally got publish yes I can say my deployment was a success, out of all the memories, and accomplishments, and stupidity, it will be being on I LOVE BAGRAM As the highlight of my time here I am truly scared for life.
4185. Because unlike living downwind for a year from an open burn pit on COB Speicher, Iraq, here I'll have a memo about the air quality going into my records Better late than never, right?
4186. Hopfully all of the ugly chix here will be finally be appreciated for being the mobile Vaj transport devices that they are Love me some Desert Roses!
4187. ILBB the highlight of my day is trying to get my post published on ILB.COM
4188. 4185 BAF.. was the only time I had to eat an MRE, while in the "secure" area of the airport, on my way back home.
4189. Because I have to embrace the suck.
4190. Because I came here with a loving, giving heart and am leaving with a spiteful, angry, callused heart.
4191. ILBB now that I've read this to prepare for my deployment, I now realize I have nothing to do when I get there.
4192. ILB because its the only place that sucks worst than Obamacare.
4193. ILBB you can play Plastic Wear Poker at the DFAC Total the numbers on the back of your plastic wear Lowest total carries the highest total’s tray Water bottle cap breaks ties Enjoy.
4194. ILB because the LN "janitors", whose job it is to clean the halls and bathrooms, use the brooms as walking sticks through the gravel and mud (bristle side down) as they walk in between RLB's.
4195. Because nobody can tell me if I should salute the Air Force officers on bicycles or not.
4196. @ 2588…apparently I made the list, and because my cohort "Red was here too" has been following me
4197. ILB because Christmas lights are banned due to the sensitivity surrounding the Loya Jirga meeting to vote on the bilateral agreement Nevermind the Taliban death threats made to the elders and their families if they pass the agreement, it's Christmas lights on BAF that will sway them.
4198. ILB because they already play a version of "Knockout" game here, it's called the "Knock you out with a frozen water bottle and rape you" game.
4199. ILBB the amount of attention I get makes me feel like I must look like Kate Upton After a while I start to think I am.
4200. ILBB apparently its a federal offense to roll up your sleeves to avoid getting them in your food when you eat According to the trolling chiefs your uniform needs to eat too...
4201. -> It's called "Desert Princess Syndrome" sweetheart.
4202. @4199 you'll be a 4 again before you know it princess.
4203. ILB because I actually saw a machine making more gravel on the north side of base Because we don't have enough already.
4204. ILBB when I leave here, I will have the strongest ankles in the world.
4205. ILB because when you drop your towel or any toiletry in the showers you dont pick it up!!! You treat it like an UXO/ Chemical spill.. Or you will be that guy with jelly fish toes.. ewwwwww..
4206. After being gone from this shit hole for well over two years- still reading the posts
4207. ilbb- while the attention is flattering,4199, the realization that the only reason you're getting attention is because you have tits and are not an absolute troll is not.
4208. ilbb where would we be without 236?
4209. ILBB for the Bane junior AF guy at the Rock Gym....thanks for making the Air Force look even more stupid with your TCN gas mask while you work out.
4210. Because I met the a nice replacement for #236.
4211. ILB because thanksgiving is EXACTLY like it is back home... except no family, you have to wait on line for an hour to eat, there is not drop of booze anywhere, and the first football game doesnt start till ten at night Also, all fun is mandatory.
4212. I'm 0 for 6 attempts to get published on ILBB but nitwits who can't spell or write: no problem.
4213. ILB because IDFs during a skype call with my family back home made the rest of their Thanksgiving dinner awkward.
4214. ILBB Bane Jr wears the mask at work, too...
4215. The bathrooms in the vulture look like they were used in the first saw movie.
4216. When your on the top bunk feeling like you are rubbing one out in a coffin.
4217. ILB because every unit will be the last to leave Like there is a mythical C-5 that holds 30,000 people.
4218. ILB because of all the great activities you can do on your free time, like tying people to their bunks with 550 cord when they sleep in the middle of the day, going outside to play kick the rock, or thinking up 4217 ilb posts.
4219. Because listening in on my neighbor's epic Skype conversations is a newly acquired hobby of mine His mom just asked him if he's "shot anyone with his cute little pistol yet" on Skype Mooommm... we're at war! Next question: "Well have you made any new friends yet?" He's going to be really mad at me when he finds out I'm bugging his house when we get back home.
4220. ILBB you can crash a RTCH on Disney, take out the power to half of base, and be given an AAM and a promotion the following week
4221. ILB because I was here 2 years ago and people were talking about #236 then She is long gone if she was even real.
4222. ILBB because I go on NaksList not to look for items I may want, but to read all the desperate posts made by people around the base to find a "sweet girl and want to continue this at home" You aren't fooling anyone buddy.
4223. ILBB even though the PX sells out of about 200 XBOX Ones in half a morning, nobody'll be able to play a damn thing on them as Sniper Hill doesn't allow them on the network for their mandatory day one patch FS: (1) unused XBOX One.
4224. ILBB you need to go to KAF to get a redbull
4225. I love Bagram because the wench with red highlights in her hair by the Warrior DFAC reminds me of WalMart Learn to conjugate the verb "to be".
4226. ilbb it takes almost 40 emails to explain why people cant be removed from "RC(E) All" or not to use "Reply All"
4227. ILBB 236 was real...I still think about her!
4228. ilb because #4209 won't say anything to bane at the gym...
4229. Because while walking along Disney, the lyrics "I'm leavin' on a jet plane" went through my head Imagine my surprise when my mind came up with "Hope I don't crash like the seven four seven" Months since the crash and it is still on my mind...
4230. ILB because apparently you don't need to pass height/weight or know what your talking about to run the range here.
4231. With Sixty days left, our combat heroes that never went out the gate will start working on their war stories to tell when they get home.
4232. ILB because I had to make fun of myself before I finally got published
4233. ILBB I know its none of my business, but isn't a bane mask, plus extreme physical exertion, combined with our mile-high altitude kinda dangerous?
4234. ILBB I've managed to invent new yoga moves trying to avoid my pant legs hitting the floor while getting dressed after a shower
4235. I just donated so publish all my witty remarks from now on.
4236. ILB because there is sick...and then there is Bagram sick...holy mother of all that is holy.
4237. ILBB 4204 will leave here with the stongest ankles in the world I'll leave here with the strongest wrist.
4238. ILBB people who post on ILB can not use the proper forms of 'your'.
4239. ILB because they finally added a whole company dedicated to performing cross guard protection with a pt belt.. I feel much safer crossing Disney.. Btw do they have a certificate for that job???
4240. ILBB because apparently Bagram is the only base in RC-E where one can get a new CAC card.
4241. I love Bagram for the spare-tire'd hustler chicks working the massage tables pretending those 6 iPhones they're carrying aren't a coy form of currency begotten through extracurricular.. activity.
4242. ILBB The Soliders in my company are getting harrased for posting on ILB.
4243. ILB because there is a 110 lb asian woman in charge of escorting 10 LN janitors every day.
4244. ILBB cause nothing says appropriately delegated like an O6 directing traffic in front of the Chowhall.
4245. ILB because my job managing a contract with locals and their impressive levels of not-give-a-fuck made me an even more laid back guy than before Telling a Major who is already pissed about a critical network outage that the Afghan contractors will "start troubleshooting when they get in some time this morning" for 6 months will mellow anyone out.
4246. ILBB I got to watch my NCOIC trip over a piece of rebar and fall face first into a puddle Watching the TCNs laugh at him as well made my day.
4247. ILB because.. I've got nothing, this place stinks End of story.
4248. ILBB after spending 5 1/2 months here the closest to danger I've been is eating at the DFAC where some chic popped off a round today.
4249. ILBB if the IDF, poor air quality and/or TCN's dont kill me....walking on these fucking rocks probably will.
4250. ILBB people leave 1 item behind in the cubby hole shelves at the gym, which stays there for days, ensuring when the gym is crowded the only place left to put our stuff is on the floor.
4251. ILBB because there is no such thing as senority out here. even if you have worked here on BAF for over 5 years, it gets you no special perks whatsoever You can still be moved to tents at any given time.
4252. ILBB now I can sell to go plates to contractors for $5 a piece...
4253. ILBB i'm selling to-go boxes for $4.
4254. ILBB it takes a HEMMT to move 16 tri walls 900m.
4255. ILBB donating to the site gets all your post published.
4256. ILBB standing next to a DFAC table that has empty plates and chatty cathy's with a tray full food isn't a sign for them to GTFO.
4257. ilbb #4253...Will you give a discount for multi take out boxes?
4258. ILBB not only do we get recycled poop water to drink, a black water truck some how spilled all over the pallet of water yesterday.
4259. 4251, #236 took the seniority as well as everyone's souls.
4260. @4257, could probably set something up Maybe a monthy meal plan with auto re-new, giving you an introductory rate of $2 per box for the first week Just mention the code phrase, "taste the rainbow", to the counter.
4261. Shoulder holster? You mean, "Fobbit Bra".
4262. Using anti-bacterial soap at the Dfac, only to wash it off with non disinfected water.
4263. ILBB I'm a contractor and I'm authorized a take-out box!
4264. Ilbb three tries and still nothing.
4265. LNs watching pro wrestling for the first time @ the Dfac and thinking it's REAL...Priceless.
4266. Ilbb my Pfc buddy got saluted by another Pfc and at mid salute he goes oh shit never mind.
4267. ilbb my battle buddy is actively trying to sell me to LNs for 100 goats.
4268. ILB because I dont always work out, but when I do I go in a group of 3-6 people and basically stand around bullshitting for 2 hours and barely get in 5 real sets I also make sure to use an empty bench as my own personal iphone/towel holder.
4269. ILBB reading material is no longer permitted in our bathrooms...signs were posted and if not followed, guards will be posted.
4270. Ilbb I have 100% cok in my mouth for breakfast.
4271. Because the F16's are back Who needs a quiet night of sleep!
4272. Because while at the pax terminal passing through soldiers who have spent their deployment shopping look at me as a dirty contractor I hope you feel good making up war stories to your family slick.
4273. Ilbb I found a golf tee at a training area... Who the fuck has time to golf.. Oh wait...everyone!
4274. ILB because now I know my job directly contributes to you not getting a quiet night of sleep 4271
4275. I've been loving the stomach parasites I got from the Dfac, that just won't go away, and I've had for a month, because the TCN use their bare hands to wipe their butts and won't use toilet paper, and don't use soap to wash them.
4276. Because somehow a helmet and vest is going to stop 1,000 MPH sharpnel from ripping your limbs off and severing your carotid artery.
4277. Hey #4272, we don’t necessarily think you are dirty, it’s just that for all the tax free money you make, we think that you could be probably be a little more presentable.
4278. ILBB Kohle wants us to have a "Happy New 2014"
4279. because the embarrassment of seeing your soldier making out with an Egyptian is only eclipsed by the embarrassment knowing that someone you know saw you at Salsa Night.
4280. 4277, to be fair, only the first 95k a year is tax free I do get taxed on the other 150k 😉
4281. ILBB were being forced to take down our christmas decorations NLT 2 Jan It was so important it had to be put out.
4282. ILB because I saw a LN come walking out of the port-shitter limping and wincing in pain with one blue leg Upon investigation I determined that this was hilarious Lesson: don't squat, sit Merica
4283. If my reason gets posted, I will eat EVERYTHING on the recipe page!
4284. ILB because it's fun wearing tight PT shirts at the Rock at watching the boys try to make it look like they aren't staring 🙂
4285. ILBB out of the 2000 posts I've read I've seen the word prison twice I guess nobody knows there is one here.
4286. ..because I can say "Hot Cock" in a meeting and have the SARC called on me....
4287. ILBB #4277 thinks we dirty contractors get tax free money...
4288. Apparently, the Army criteria for saluting an officer includes eye contact.
4289. ILB because I can never remember if I'm supposed to pay with an afghan or an afghani.
4290. ILBB like a fool, I check this everyday to see if the staff have gotten off their butts to update this
4291. ILBB command of the ENGLISH language is not a requirement to post here, or to be a FLUOR manager.
4292. ILBB This site hasn't been updated since last year Lame...
4293. ILBB I can finally curb my addiction to internet porn.
4294. ILBB you know the site's owner isn't at BAF since they were gone on a real vacation.
4295. #4290 Haven't you been here long enough to know that the war & this site stop back home for holidays, weekends and special events? Just try getting a hold of anyone in a government office during those times.
4296. #4291 This is the military There is no use for the English language here We are busy fighting a war.
4297. #4293 obviously hasn't figured out the VPN secret to get around the "porn blockage"
4298. becauce this is the only "combat zone" where you can bitch about the wifi being out...pansies!!
4299. ILBB they told us it would be better than KAF Promises were made.
4300. 4283: I'm a week into the recipe's page....and I'm on a plane to Germany.
4301. ILB because my water broke.. when I was carrying a case of it and the plastic ripped
4302. ILBB it's made my SERE training irrelevant...after successfully untying the first few laundry bags, no captor could hold me
4303. ILBB its getting so cold, I saw a Sergeant Major with his hands in his pockets!
4304. making a prank call of "this is MAJ Cocks, I'm looking for a PVT Area" only to see a MAJ Cocks and a PFC Area the following day!
4305. ILBB of the incredible rage I feel when websurfing at work, and 99% of pages and pictures wont load
4306. ILBB we have the real #236 with us back in Iowa Believe me, she was a Bagram "10" Here, not so much.
4307. Bagram Bane has been spotted at Camp Clark An impostor? TDY? Can anyone confirm this?
4308. when you're having fun alone time on the laptop and the headphones fall out of the computer jack revealing high pitched moaning to your neighbors.
4309. ILBB my wife ain't here.
4310. ilbb you can threaten almost any ln with a trip to Pakistan and they behave instantly
4311. Because you have to refresh facebook every 5 minutes or your message fails to send
4312. This is the Bagram that Afghanistan deserves, but not the one anyone wants
4313. While using NVGs, you observe a guy creeping around the old Russian bombdump and then a female rendevous for the late night creeping.
4314. ILBB you throw your plastic bottle in the recycle can, and the Afghan cleaning crew just combines it with the trash can.
4315. ILBB #4313, if you think that's something you should see the activity by the bunkers at 13940.
4316. Because its the only place you can see vehicles riding around with plywood doors.
4317. ILBB when 4284 gets back to the states she'll have deal with the agony of realizing she's ugly again.....
4318. ILBB the wonderful sniper hill here is so blindingly fast that I miss dial up.
4319. ILB because I haven't been there for 3 years and I still check out this site
4320. I love the smell of porta-potty truck in the morning Smells like...retrograde.
4321. ILBB we'll STILL be here in 3 years, updating this site
4322. ILBB we're a week out from redeploying and we're concerned about people throwing away trash in the latrine trash cans that didnt come from the latrine; so concerned that a mass email was sent from admin to ensure we all got the message.
4323. ILBB when I finally leave here after half a decade, it will feel like being released from prison.
4324. ILBB where else do they close the BX to celebrate MLK Day
4325. Da plane...da plane!
4326. ILB because this place thrives on rumors.
4327. ILBB #4284 thinks she's #236
4328. because....WE ARE OUT THIS BIITCH!!!!!!
4329. ILBB of that guy that pisses on the toilet seat with a urinal 6 inches to his left.
4330. ILBB somehow this text-only website can run out of bandwidth I'm not even mad, that's amazing.
4331. ILBB the new guys will soon realize IloveBagram.com is not entertainment but a warning..
4332. I love Bagram because everytime we say that its a damn lie.
4333. This place was a testing ground for the Eye in the Sky! Now they got them stateside.
4334. ILB because the dude that runs this site doesn't know how to update the reason of the week
4335. ILBB once your compound gets a burn barrel, you start hearing things like "we don't really use that desk too often..."
4336. ILBB this site's publishing recipes calling for french bread, garlic butter, and hot BBQ sauce So, somewhere on BAF, there must finally be a commissary!
4337. Bagram Bane hard at work today running around warrior training to not ever go outside the wire.
4338. ILB because ARMY LTs can come here, screw up, and move up.
4339. Its taken me 2 years to conquer the shits but yesterday I had 2 solid shits - OH EXTREME PLEASURE!
4340. B/c the Khole DFAC DJ busted out the Barbie song tonight during enchilada Tuesday.
4341. ILBB you don't realize how much you miss walking on rocks until you have to walk on the ice.
4342. Contractors that have been there for 8 years, and claim it isn't that bad....it's a prison dude get back to the real world.
4343. ILB because ARMY LTs sham half the day and stay on Facebook the other half of the day are about to make CPT.
4344. ILBB I spent several months lurking on this site,but waiting until I finally got here to post.
4345. ILB because ARMY LTs getting promoted to CPT are so lazy they wont put in a work order when the NIPR printer goes down.
4346. ILBB apparently the Dragon is the poverty DFAC...their only DJ is 2 TCNs screaming at each other
4347. ILBB.com even more now that it has become a forum for Joe to complain about their officers.
4348. Because I come to Bagram for a three-day business trip.....it is now day 8 and I remember all the reasons I love Bagram.
4349. Kept forgetting to take my doxy tablet in the mornings, so I just took the 300 left in the bottle all at once One less thing to remember in the morning!
4350. ILB because I got laid after my divorce there
4351. ILB because my roommate masturbating serves as a very delightful alarm clock.
4352. ILB because I told my soldiers they will be more prepared to deploy from reading these posts than from any number pre-deployment briefs that the unit gives.
4353. ILBB I am #4351's roommate You are welcome.
4354. ILBB after 13 years of being here and are now in a draw down they decide to finish the perimeter with T-Walls and set up C-Rams GENIUS!
4355. ILB because it's slightly entertaining listening to each of my contractor co-workers competing for the most times the F-word is spoken before lunch every day.
4356. ILBB the LN DFAC workers apparently think the best time to fill the nearly stocked drink coolers is during the high-traffic time of ANY meal.
4357. B/C the new guy said "FOB Bagram."
4358. ILB because after a long absence, the faux napkin is back in the silverware packets.
4359. Because I will never miss the idiots who stand in front of the coffee counter, and dip their stipid tea bag at least 100 times while people are lined up trying to get some coffee There should be a special place in hell just for them!
4360. ILBB I can officially quit my job because my post made I Love BAGRAM!!! Good day and F*** BAF! Peace out biach!
4361. Even the lone survivor couldn't get away from BAF
4362. This site needs to be translated into Dari when we leave to prepare the Afghans for what's coming next.
4363. Ilbb thanks to our newly renovated bathroom, the floor is harder to walk on when wet than walking on ice with issued boots I am now more scared to take a shower than to go outside the wire!
4364. ILB because there is no juice at the PX so they could make more fucking room for energy drinks
4365. because from my experience of Bagram, if there were juice at the PX, it would be two+ months past its sell by date.
4366. ILBB juice is free in the DFAC Dear PX, sell me more energy drinks Ignore 4364.
4367. ILBB energy drinks are also free at the DFAC You'll find them in the same fridges as the juice How about some shampoo, PX?
4368. 4364, Which PX has energy drinks???? This is vital information!!!
4369. ILB because someone on Nakslist is "Looking for a room on Disney and willing to pay rent" Who the fuck gets sent here without being issued a place to sleep? Also, anyone know if there's a reg that would prohibit renting out the top bunk in an RLB for some extra cash?
4370. @4369 - Dumbass, a lot of people are sent to live at Warrior in tents or open bay barracks with at least 8 other dudes, while they probably work near Disney, with no vehicle and have to take the base bus Living close to work is common sense You haven't been here long, have you?
4371. ILB because it is just like naked photos of Ernest Borgnine giving it to Bea Arthur: I'm repulsed, yet I can't get it out of my mind.
4372. ilbb because some dumb fuck didn't wear PPE in a tactical vehicle so now I have to wear an ACH instead of a hard hat.
4373. ILBB although our village is not being torn down yet, the Polish came and started hauling off the bunkers today.
4374. ILBB I went on a two week sexcapade to Kyrgyzstan thanks to the barbershop girls and holy hell it was worth it.
4375. ILB because apparently I can start a real estate business here Property on Disney is on the rise! Great location, walking distance to work, friendly neighbors, good schools for the kids, great weather- always dusty with a slight chance of IDF! Vulture will be hosting an open house Sunday afternoon.
4376. ILB because contractors make so much money that they are willing to pay for a second room on Bagram so they have less of a commute to work...and apparently it's "common sense"...WTF kind of war is this?
4377. ILBB they found out we can still get youtube on airforce wifi then blocked it.
4378. ILBB according to the newest General Order #1 (GO-1), there is no rule anymore against women visiting mens living quarters and vice versa Its game on!
4379. ILLB #4378 we need more info on said G.0 change It's about to get real in "the suck"
4380. ILB because they water the stick trees on Disney daily but want you to conserve water and take combat showers Negative!
4381. ILBB the lns will likely make wrestlemania a national holiday
4382. as a contractor my #236 at home sees it as her responsability to eat out every day and gets pissed when I call her on a $240 fast food bill for 2 weeks and she does not work Little does she know when I get home she is being replaced by a skinnier sexier #236.
4383. I love it here becuase as a retired military I hear unifomred people curse contractors all day but yet they forget they too will be one or unemployeed Oh yeah I make more in a week then a E9 in a month Cha Ching
4384. I love bagram because its the only place Army people start making corrections on other soliders Really, yeah you, clip that ipod on the glow belt correctly!!!
4385. ILBB you probably will end up leaving divorced, or married Due to thelow standards men have while deployed SCORE!
4386. Because #4385 caused me to have an epiphany while thinking about my new fiance.. well done lol
4387. ILBB I never have to cook for myself I just go to the DFAC when I am hungry LOL
4388. ILBB I can beat off in the bathroom have my ipod fall on the ground video up finish and not be judged.
4389. because even after 18 months of being stateside i can still appreciate a solid duece
4390. @4387, ILBB I CAN'T just go to the DFAC when I am hungry because I work night shifts Hey Army, notice how air force DFACs are open 24/7? Not everyone has a 9-5 desk job here.
4391. ILB Because of the notice that says "Flour Carpentry" is coming to do preventative maintenance on our dorms.. which are made 100% out of steel and cement.
4392. ILBB i can't look at the latest Olympic events on my work computer because it's blocked! No issues looking at this site though
4393. ILBB the rock gym has decided to become parade pretty in a combat zone and have you bring a second pair of shoes Good job air force!
4394. ILBB ilovekandahar.com is blocked here on BAF Is that some form of discrimination against KAF, or just incompetance by whoever is in charge of blocking all morale sites?
4395. ILBB i paid 12 dollars for 24 hours of internet claiming to have a peak rate of 1,024 KB/S even though it never got past 120 KB/S
4396. ILB because the guy who missed the dumpster needs to drink more water
4397. going into a port o pottie to see shoe prints all over the seat I cant be the only one with a desire to get a can of cooking spray and liberally covering the seats of every port o pottie that has shoe prints on them and sitting patiently waiting for one of them to come out blue as a smurf limping and thinking damn I may consider sitting next time like the majority of the civilized world
4398. Because human feces on the side of the road isn't normal But on Bagram it is.
4399. ILBB #4395 doesn't realize that a Kb and a KB are two different things You paid for a peak of 1024Kb/s, and got 120KB/s...or 960Kb/s I'd say close enough not to warrant bitching about how your war zone wifi in a country that lacks the infrastructure for running water is a bit slower than expected...
4400. ILBB red headed Air Force girls.
4401. ILBB after over 4000 reasons, we are still fantasying about #236...
4402. ILBB on a porta pottie wall, someone decided to write on it, with their own poop...all I could say was...WOW...and then capture a picture for facebook lol
4403. Almost been a year since i left this beautiful place on earth.. and still check back up on this website.
4404. ILBB walkin down Disneys like darth vader walkin on the death start "DARK LORD" storm trooper "DARK LORD" storm trooper SMH
4405. The oh so fresh bread in the DFACs Any fresher you couldnt bitchslap your boss with it and knock him cold
4406. Because of fuckers like #3705 who make you navigate more than an entire page over just to find the post they're referencing Yeah asswipe, how does it feel?
4407. ILB because on "special pizza" day at the DFAC, they cut the pizza with metal spatulas against the metal grill, leaving deep visible scratches Today was the second time I found metal shavings on my crust, and the fact that I still ate everything made me realize how low my give-a-fuck meter has gotten after 5 months.
4408. ILBB everytime I leave, I tell myself I'm not coming back.. yet here I am.
4409. ILBB how the army chicks here are so dedicated to MWR!
4410. ILBB tempo is so slow that 3 a days at the gym are sounding better and better every day.
4411. ILBB this site has finally been blocked, there goes my only reason for showing up to work.
4412. ILBB of the self-important asshats at the 401st that somehow thought reserving the overflow tent at Yelner DFAC, during lunch, was a good idea Hey dumbasses, its called an OVERFLOW TENT for a reason!
4413. because my security code word for posting this is hit her Promoting family violence
4414. Because we've been here over a decade and the army just now decided to set up C-RAMs.
4415. Because according to Bagram's wikipedia page, B-huts "raise the standard for troops serving here"
4416. ILBB the demolition crews wanted a house on a hill with a view, so they placed a fully intact bhut atop a 10 high pile of debris.
4417. Aaaaaand ILB is blocked.. for what fucking reason, words on a page are too much for the military to handle? Awww did somebody say a naughty word? This is a war zone dumbasses, if you didn't realize it by now, we are out here killing people But a website talking about daily life is just too much Fucking retards.
4418. Because, only Bagram has a HMMWV that looks like it fell off the set of a Resident Evil movie I saw it at the BX yesterday, which BTW does not have the R.E movie.
4419. Because, on a cold day, the steam from my piss in the porta-potty urinal float up in my face.
4420. ILBB because the Army chick doing yoga back bends in front of the treadmills at the rock needs to stop It's like putting a doughnut in front a fat kid.
4421. Because after reading through this list on what to expect when I get to BAF, I realized I still need to do a couple of things before I leave 1 Build a time machine, go back 16 years and kick my younger self in the balls for walking up to the recruiters office saying to myself the Air Force wont send me anywhere too bad 2 Buy a Costco sized bottle of Anal Eze...BOHICA!
4422. Because of the conversation about Pixar movies written on the walls of the porta-potty at the FARP.
4423. ILB Because I saw a truck that said "Potable Water" on the side and did a double take...
4424. ILBB I can no longer distinguish IDF from my air-conditioning unit on AROCC
4425. Ilbb my buddy has a huge crush on Air Force Lil red riding hood at the rock gym! Who knew you could be deathly afraid to talk to an AF chick, but to go on mission where terrorists are trying to kill you could be so easy!
4426. Because since ILB is now blocked at work, I will be at the internet cafe much more than often. during work.
4427. @4417 Super POG stikes again,you wouldn't know a war if it kicked you in the ass
4428. Because I have come closeer to getting run over by the MP's in the crosswalk's than anybody else.
4429. ILB because it's full of POGS, that have no idea what being deployed really means.
4430. ILBB if I'm the girl #4425 is talking about, I'm flattered.
4431. ILBB because I can wear a purple shirt with a unicorn and a castle on it and it pisses off the SOF guys!
4432. ILB Because today I was stopped at the MWR by a MSgt and asked why I thought I was too good to blouse my pants.. my response "Sir, this is the 2 piece flight suit..." In response he just glared at me and walked off...
4433. ilb all the contractors with beards think theyre door kickers only to find out they maintain the washers
4434. ILB because people walk around playing rap music on their phones You know who you are....
4435. ILB because I saw the fattest E4 on BAF eating an entire plate of cheesy fries at Grady yesterday.
4436. @>4433 Just because "we" contractors wear beards is because we are too lazy to shave and/or like having them, it doesn't mean we are trying to be "doorkickers" Either way we are laughing at you all the way to the bank You jealous bro?
4437. lol, #4433 are you the fat E-4 that #4435 is talking about?
4438. ILB because 4433 is jealous of our beards and bad mouths us NOW...but right before redeployment he'll ask one of us to help him get a contractor job...Dick!
4439. @4368...MOST major energy drink brands contain Bull Semen...FACT!
4440. ILB because of the motivated bread guy at Khole Dfac.
4441. ILBB only here will you find MPs that are assholes enough to write you a ticket for parking next to a fire hydrant that does not have water going to it and hasn't since it was installed War is over folks.
4442. ILB Because the multi-million $ Disney drainage ditch is clearly paying off.
4443. ILB Because where else can a pill bottle double as a count-down clock? Here's to you, Doxy!
4444. ILB because the PX sells pregnancy tests Nobody has to spend days or weeks worrying/wondering.
4445. ILB because ppl think we are UFO searching on AREA 82.
4446. ILB because the same (unspecified service*) NCO that talks shit about contractors, is now asking help to get a job when he gets out And he does not have a resume How does he expect to be the mythical millionaire unicorn with shitty networking skills?
4447. ILB because the Army guys here gets sub-standard living pay while stationed in an AFB.
4448. ILB a contractor paid for my large pizza after overhearing me talking shit about them with my buddies I now need to call USAA to determine why my debit card was declined FML
4449. ILBB.. #4445, shhhh What goes on in 82, stays in 82
4450. ILB because I saw two soldiers taking pic's of each other doing dumbbell curls in the sabre gym....F.airly A.verage G.uys
4451. ILBB coins, cookouts, and bullet statements.. thats we are here for right sir.....never mind the actual workload...
4452. 4448...We wouldn't be here if you guys were properly trained and could complete your job without self imploding I wish you luck in your post-military job search.
4453. ILB because after being here for 12 years, we still don't have paved roads, and a Wal-Mart.
4454. ILB because you know someone's new here when you see them use bottled water to brush their teeth Start throwing your fucks out the window now, man, let it go...
4455. Because of the mouthbreather at the area 82 gym, sweaty, using 10 machines at once, playing air drums, mouth open the whole time.. biggest douche there is...give it a break sweatbox
4456. ILB #4455, my mouth was openned the whole time cuz I was trying to send u messages I guess u never got the hint 🙁 I wanted to know if u wanna hang out later?
4457. Ilb because after two years of not being there, the stupid shit that goes in is still funny as fuck.
4458. ILB because for the last 3 years of being here, my day consists of, hanging out in my room, and going to the dfac.
4459. ILB becuz as an infantryman here, my job is to cut grass all day, do post police call and pick up trash, inventories, sergeant time's training, rake leaves when needed, paint rocks, stand in formation all day, make sure my room is good for inspection, fill sandbags, all while keeping my boots clean This is the worst garrison base ever I hope to PCS to Fort Bragg from here.
4460. ILB cuz I make more money selling alcohol here than I do from my contracting paycheck.
4461. Because individuals posting that its been such and such time since they left and they're still enjoying the site will almost always have their post posted Oh yes, I forgot I left Bagram about 3.5 months ago and I still visit this site 😛
4462. Ilb for the old dude who made a huge fuss and refused to leave in the rock when they closed it down one night
4463. At#4459 ILB, that's why you should get out of the service and be a contractor We focus on doing the actual job we learned in the military Everyone should make the switch.
4464. ILB because all the idiots dissing on "contractors" don't realize the some of the people you think are contractors are actually CIA, FBI, DEA, OSI, and NSA employees And yes, we still make more money than you.
4465. Because of the AF Sgt in front of me who spent a good two minutes repeating to the LN laundry guy that he needed his laundry NOW Nothing you say to him will change the fact that it isn't ready yet, you fucking retard You want terrorists? Cuz that's how you get terrorists.
4466. ILB because someone got an LOA for hands in pockets Yes...I know, I wouldn't believe it either if I wasn't here.
4467. ILBB since getting a traffic violation notice, MP’s terrify me more than IDF’s or anything else Bagram can throw at me.
4468. ILB because I just saw a guy smoking a fat cigar while driving a truck carrying jet fuel.
4469. ILBB I broke GO1 one time and now I think she is pregnant but can’t get a pregnancy test for 3-4 weeks.
4470. If you are going to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and have a meeting, Yes, I am going to barge through it.
4471. @4466 ILBB no joke a kid i work with got an LOC for sitting on our shops ping pong table.
4472. Ilbb of the female captain that salutes whether you do or not!
4473. #4464 wishes he was a CIA, FBI, DEA, OSI, and NSA employee But he really works for Flour
4474. ILBB I just saw "Mimi" from the Drew Carey Show walking down Disney.
4475. ILBB people STILL CANNOT reference FLUOR correctly.
4476. ILB because that old vet who goes to the rock gym at night is old as hell, however he's legitimately strong, ripped, and if he had things his way now, he'd burn this country to the ground Keep lifting old man, age ain't a thing for you buddy.
4477. I see the Army has launched their multi-million $ campaign against obesity Smaller food trays Brilliant.
4478. Ilbb of the new "paper towels" at khoele dfac! They are just about as useful as poopy flavored loly pop!
4479. ILBB the rotator went bankrupt and stranded me on the way I'm sure my replacement likes this even more.
4480. Because no matter how many times I tell the the DFAC worker fixing my plate - not to put the rice all over three sections of my tray - he still knows what's best for me.
4481. ILBB the rotator went bankrupt and stranded me on the way I'm sure my replacement likes this even more.
4482. Because of the look I got when I dropped off my laundry tied in "Houdini" knots
4483. ->4475 Please reference ->2242 for correctness
4484. ILB because the men at the Rock like to flex after doing crunches
4485. You assholes win this f#%*ing place has drained all the life out of me.
4486. ILBB I thoroughly enjoy signing bar letters for people like #4460 Better have your bags packed buddy.
4487. Ilbb watchin MP's speed after a gator sirens blaring was the highlight of my day! Is it considered a high speed pursuit if they were going over 20mph!?
4488. Good thing all these new IDF bunkers are going up, I feel safer already.
4489. Bagram Logic for a typical IDF event; wake up, put on suitable clothing, run outside to the nearest bunker Do this all within @5 seconds.
4490. ilbb the #44555/ #4456 romance is at least the second one that i'm aware of that got its start on this site
4491. Because we are approaching a year since the last ROTW was posted, but I keep checking- the hope that there will be a new one distracts me from the hope of ever getting out of country.
4492. ILBB I get so bored that I am going to end up trying out the Squat Shit N Pray technique in a Portajon
4493. ilbb my life is in more danger from the slippery ass floors in the transient housing showers than it is from idf.
4494. Ilbb i never drove my dump truck or loader below 30mph , and never got caught.
4495. Ilbb im training at tyndal af base to train to deploy , 8 months after i returned from my deployment in bagram.
4496. ILBB apparently little children are more capable of avoiding cars through school zones than personnel here on base.
4497. ILB because I managed to see this site two days before heading there.
4498. ILB when a FGO approaches me in North DFAC to let me know Im out of reg and dont need to wear a Gore-tex, cause it's not raining 'enough' while he has his eye pro on. some vicious roast beef attacking your eyes asshole? Something tells me you need a real job.
4499. ILBB there is no w 4 m on craigslist anymore
4500. ILB because I saw a volleyball go into Coyote Creek and some dumbass went after it shirtless and wearing flip flops.
4501. ILBB I got pulled over by an MP for a guy in my backseat not wearing a seatbelt Yet, the Pizza Hut guy I see everyday biking down the street with no gear is untouched.
4502. If you like your Bagram, then you can keep it!
4503. The "paladin" in them tight ass jeans!
4504. @4495: Welcome to what the entire military has been doing for 13 years, often at less than 1:1 dwell.
4505. Happy Easter says the pedo bunny at Koele DFAC.
4506. Not sure here they keep getting those Polish and Czech military chicks, but please, for the love of God, don't stop!!!
4507. ILBB: Because the next time I hear "when i was at _____ in _____, we did _____" I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Damn, anyone else have lame-ass war story to lie about?
4508. Shit, I woke up today - at Bagram Fuck me to tears!
4509. ILBB there's always one guy who's been there, done that, and every time the story gets more and more fascinating NOT Don't be that guy...
4510. ILB because whatever is killing these birds is probably going to end up killing me if I don't get out of here.
4511. ILBB I finally understand why they want to kill us Eventually we get to leave and they are stuck here Fuck this place.
4512. ILBB because I have been here so fucking long I get excited to see if my reason will get posted on this stupid web page! WTF!!!
4513. ILBB because of the comical shit I see in the gym To the guy the other morning who wrapped his knees so tight he had to waddle to the smith machine, get a buddy to spot him, then yell so loud during a rep the entire gym stopped to see wtf was going on - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!
4514. ILBB I've been here so long I want to take a Malaysian Airlines flight to South Korea, then get on a ferry to Davy Jones' locker.
4515. Ilbb I WAS there so long I still get excited to see my ilb post posted That's a real wtf #4512
4516. After spending a year there as a soldier, and two years as a civilian I was denied health benefits from the VA They are stating that my lung problems could have occurred during my time there as a civilian This is a warning to everyone, I have never smoked in my life, and now have lung spots and require surgery thanks to pollution in BAF
4517. @4516: Thank you for your service; now, fuck off.
4518. Because NO ONE trains legs and you all look like f^cling Shrek God those mil pt shirts are hilarious Stick with winpants and start becoming proportionate Top heavy goons.
4519. ILB because I can go to the gym in a combat zone and get judged by guys like 4518 who actually spend time ogling other male bodies.
4520. lLB because we were winning when I left
4521. ILBB I got to witness an E6 almost cry because he didn't get a BSM.. dude you broke more shit then you fixed out here!
4531. Because I always get more laundry back than I turned in At some point, maybe a match to all these single socks will show up.
4532. Because of the little contractor at the Cave gym that dropped a weight on his face Probably trying to show off for the only three females in there
4533. Because this place killed Kenny You bastards!
4534. Because I have to move my stuff for the 8th time in 3 months.
4535. ILB because of the shear number of "F" bombs 1st SGT Gomez drops.
4536. Because I have the time to go through this list and seeing how many things have not changed since it started.
4537. Because 4531 hasn't been here long enough to know what to do with spare socks!!
4538. ILBB the HOT guy with a superman hat at the Rock in the mornings, is the only reason I even go!
4539. ILBB I noticed my prediction came true (Bagram Lung Syndrome) from post 3853 in the more recent post 4516 (Lung spots) Unfortunately the VA has not realized it yet.
4540. ILBB of #4538 posting about himself, kind of like a woman sending flowers to herself at the office Loser.
4541. ILBB going on 3 weeks there are no laundry bags or pillow cases at the PX And they won't accept laundry without a bag
4542. ILBB #4522 has obviously never met the Garrison Commander in person You are welcome to stop by my office anytime for a chat My door is always open The HQ is on Disney across from the clamshell.
4543. ILBB the site died when they started letting the Garrison Commander post Hosta Noches coaches And "sublet" is a good captcha.
4544. Ilbb now Noone will ever publicly claim to be poster #4522.. unless they are infantry or field artillery.
4545. ILB because even though Afghanistan is a land locked country, somehow jellyfish always find their way into the men's showers...
4546. Because even with all the IDF going on I still sleep like a baby.
4547. ILB because Donald Sterling will be running MWR here soon JGB
4548. ILBB whoever washes my clothes is probably going to cut themselves on my happy socks.
4549. Because a majority of the people here have sand in their vajayjay.
4550. ILBB S.M.B.S was updated today.
4551. ilbb You can say "Hot Cock" over the radio and get away with it.. oh wait.. I mean Hot Pre-Flt
4552. Because only here do people ignorantly run with traffic But hey at least you have a glow belt on!
4553. ILBB when life gives you lemons you can make lemonade When life gives you Bagram, your fucked.
4554. ILBB everyday after work I go to this site and read all the new reasons to love bagram.
4555. Army cops...defending the United states by giving their own people in a third world country, speeding tickets Oh and Donald Duck and Monkey gave me my 7am pass you bastards.
4556. Please keep jaywalking in front of my MRAP, they are so easy to see out of, and they stop on a dime.
4557. ILBB as a contractor, I now see why most of the military can't stand us.
4558. ILBB I take the Doxy for the dreams.
4559. ILBB I got an idea, let's just stand in the middle of the DFAC looking lost and clog it up like the drains in the showers.
4560. ILB because the bulldozers have car alarms for backup warnings...I really really hate car alarms.
4561. ILLB the admin is slacking on everything The R.O.T.W, DFAC Recipes, S.M.B.S, and now Reasons Why I Love Bagram We still love you though.
4562. Day Two no update Dying from boredom is a very serious possibility
4563. ILBB of the female Polish soilders-especially the tall red head! Smoking!!!
4564. Because my hardship duty pay goes to sniper hill
4565. Not updated? The Admin probably got hit by IDF.
4566. ILBB with the ecolog shit trucks cutting back on liquid for shitters I no longer fear the blue spash from porta potties
4567. IHB...let's go ahead and close the bx and all the gyms general God who is making these decisions? Stop closing the shit we need around here Wtf
4568. ILBB we now have LNs cleaning our bathrooms Time to create armies of jellyfish Capatcha is guzzle Lol.
4569. ILB because the SeaRAMs remind me of R2D2 with a boner.
4570. ILBB the LN kids can throw rocks at you and you can't throw rocks back =(
4571. Everyone thank the man in charge for removing pizza hut and popeyes Now it's back to the dfac for haji sperms on our food and painful diarrhea Oh and i like how they tried to improve the bx...keeping those stupid teddy bears in stock is what we needed Morons run this place.
4572. I don't always deploy to a war zone; but when I do, I make sure it's as close to garrison as possible.
4573. Well, at least the BX has plenty of "quality" souvenir coffee cups that fall apart after four pours I want my life back.
4574. ILBB...oh wait there is not a f***ing thing I love about this place lol
4575. ILBB I have lost all touch with reality....and am fine with it
4576. ILBB ..is it wrong that the really fat civilian girl with the really tight pants on and her gut is one big roll turns me on?
4577. ILBB First Sergent dropped 34 "F" bombs in a 5 minute conversation Well done, well done.
4578. @4571 Wait, I'm confused The Pizza Hut and Popeyes gives you worst diarrhea then the DFAC does I don't see the big deal in getting rid of it, now PFC so and so won't spend their entire paycheck on fucking food.
4579. ILBB during the past 2.5 years I've been posted so many times I stopped counting What are all you foos complaining about?
4580. ILB because of the wonderful sleep I get thanks to F-16's doing afterburner takeoffs throughout the night The Taliban sure must have a lot of jets flying around at midnight that need dogfighting.
4581. ILBB every sortie starts with a full-AB unrestricted climb departure, but the icing on the cake is listening to people bitch about the noise after landing.
4582. @4577: I think your "F" bomb 1st sergeant posted #4578--another dropped bomb!
4583. ILBB people like #4580 don't understand how F-16's can perform ground support roles She must be another bronze star finance chick
4584. ILBB #4580 gave away his POG status by not knowing what CAS is...
4585. ILB because now if I'm captured by the enemy, I have to hope I'm a Jessica Lynch and not a Bowe Bergdahl and I must hope the right politicians are in office who might send someone to come and get me instead of letting me rot.
4586. I love Bagram because DFAC workers walk around saying "Hot Pan!" when in fact they're carrying a tray of iced yogurt I guess Hot Pan really means GTFO my way.
4587. ILBB I left in 2011 and I still read this shit
4588. ILBB of the Blonde female contractor at Nunez this morning is back from a long absence I say, welcome back.
4589. ILBB having a wet CHU here is the pussy-catching equivalent of owning a Lamborghini in the States.
4590. ILBB stupidity is a disease 98% of the base is infected.
4591. I am not at Bagram I am an old Medical Corp Major out since 92 I stumbled upon this site...you are all amazing...I am proud to have had the opportunity to work with the likes of you...thank you.
4592. Because only a company like Sniperhill and the military don't know how to access their out of service routers in a locked room in the dorms...and no one knows who has the key Epic fail Boycott sniper hill everyone.
4593. Because I survived round two of the "elections"
4594. ILBB the Kyrgyzstani girl at the patch store is my only reason to wake up in the morning
4595. Ilbb no wait.. I don't! This place is a fucking prison!!!!
4596. Because as certain camps have expanded, what was once a 30 second walk now takes 20 minutes, two camels, a canoe, and a note from your mom.
4597. I love the smell of shit in the morning You know that human feces smell, the whole FOB Smells like.... [*sniffing, pondering] dooky Someday this war's gonna end...
4598. Because 236 heard the whining and blessed us with the redheaded rotation...and even if they leave the EXELIS safety chick will still be here.
4599. and YES--I was here when 236 graced the base
4600. Because all of you know the big dig was a bust--the base floods and all you do is cry rivers
4601. WHY THE HELL DO I NEED A LICENSE TO RIDE A BIKE ONTO THE AIRFIELD!?!?
4602. Dutifully check my ID card and LOA, because there is a chance I nefariously traveled all the way to Afghanistan to eat in a DFAC whose workers have purposely tried to poison their patrons.
4603. ILBB Everyday is Monday......
4604. ILBB of the cheap ass styrofoam cups at the DFAC that disintegrate when you put coffee or some other fluid in them WTF is that all about? And how much of that crap is in my body right now?
4605. Because my new battalion has nothing more important to do hyphen run a volleyball tournament.
4606. ILBB..leg day, some of you should try it.
4607. Because while in a logoed truck full of expats, the gate guy at the DFIP asked if we all had ID No, Sparky, we all decided that BAF was a vacation spot and came here on a tourist visa Where has common sense gone?
4608. Because 90% of the people on this base don't know how to use plungers.
4609. ILBB because people look at the DoD civilians (admit, some are WAY out of shape) like the plague 99% of them are Veterans and volunteered to wear the Uniform yet once again Next time you see one, hit them up We are all here in this big shit melting pot to serve HoooAhh !
4610. ILBB of the daily gamble I take flying my sortie in a single seat aircraft while wondering when the explosive diarrhea will strike.
4611. Ilb because the PFC will stop ladies wearing shorts above the knees but will let guys walking with their balls hangout cause they're wearing Richard Simmons shorts.
4612. Because E4 females in the combat zone fall for the "I'm a pilot" line everytime Yahtzee!!!!!!
4613. ILBB This place now makes me realize I should have joined the Air Force.
4614. Because I drink so much V8 Fusion I could possibly piss out solid fruits and vegetables.
4615. because manadatory wearing of a reflective belt while riding a gator during daylight hours is about as dumb as it gets.......WAY TO GO GARRISON LEADERSHIP.........
4616. ILB because the expensive internet is still so slow that it reminds me of jerking off back in the mid 90s.
4617. because of the hot blonde Flour chick that wears skin tight pants and uses the center of the DFAC as her runway every day It is a treat for everyone to see It occurs around 1245 every day.
4618. ILB because the brown splash is so much worse than the blue splash...
4619. Because I've never drank so much soy milk in my life
4620. ilbb grady dfac posted someone's fears of a "rapey vibe" from the servers who wanted to "toungue punch their starfish"
4621. ILBB it's totally worth getting my hair butchered once a week to watch a line of BAF "10" TCNs shaking it to Russian Techno music.
4622. Because I see fat female army privates eating cheesy fries and down soda everyday at the Dragon
4623. Because you can walk around like a space cadet and nobody will question you.
4624. Because just like a box of chocolates you never know when reasons I love Bagram is going to be updated It could be a day or weeks It's just like a box of chocolates.
4625. ILBB between the warm bodies ITT Exelis hires, and the soldiers who rely on those contractors...The IT help desk is literally helpless.
4626. Because I could stack rocks, put tinfoil on the top, and still get faster internet than sniperhill.
4627. Because of all the brainiacs in the DFAC that seem stumped by the idea of a cafeteria/buffet style set up A lot of you are American.....you've seen this before Its not something new Same with the drink coolers.
4628. ILB because all the females in uniform wearing eyeliner look like whores or clowns... not flattering but very entertaining.
4629. The funny Polish names There was a slight deviation in spelling but I saw one that if you sounded his name out it was Peter Ball lick.
4630. ILB because of the cute guy that wears the state police shirt Yee yee.
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